Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion The library incident

This is fantastic - thanks all! I plan to create a document with this all and sit down and think it through. So much good stuff to think about and then come up with a plan. DD is, like many kids I read about here, intense. She is so amazing and sometimes so exhausting!!! Right now she is petting her kitty and just looking so cute. Hard to believe that a bit over 24 hours ago she was so angry.

Yes, DD was accelerated into her big sister's grade. It has gone so smoothly - thank you for pointing out that she might yet be dealing with the change. Also - just tonight we were discussing starting another journal. I told her I would read my 6th grade journal to her and her sister so we could compare 6th grade experiences. I have kept diaries/journals my whole life.

With respect, I don't find this a helpful suggestion. Think of what you are saying. The last time your child would go to a public place to hang out? Ever again?

You probably didn't mean exactly that, but even if what you really meant was "The child would be barred from going to the library till..." (what?) I have stopped thinking of my child (undiagnosed, but lacking in emotional control and maturity for sure) as intentionally doing things like this to be "bad" or "manipulative." Some children really have trouble with intensity and huge feelings. What you're suggesting is somewhat similar to punishing a child for depression or anxiety. This may even BE anxiety. I don't think the OP's daughter is being bratty or Veruca Salt-ish. I think she is having trouble.

Yes, absolutely. Early childhood trauma may follow some adoptees their whole lives. Not to say they are eternally damaged, but that the trauma will be part and parcel of their being. I sometimes wonder if it is possible to pick apart which issues are adoption related and those which are part of giftedness in a child.

I like that phrase! I need to write it down so I can remember it.
And, to all who talked about why it's important and how to walk away from a problem and come back later, thank you. As I said a bit earlier I will take a look at all the responses and come up with a game plan. I love concrete ideas about how to handle things.

YES-- this is it exactly-- some combination of factors is leading to difficulty with regulation.

The underlying reason for restricted space to work it out is actually two-fold, here:

1. Being in a place/space where options are less limited in the moment means more chance to escalate to a point of no recovery and full, red-alert meltdown.

2. There is the matter of others and their needs/wants to consider. Throwing a hissy fit in a library IS rude, and it IS an imposition on others who did nothing to deserve that.


Now, the "rational" part of her is likely to see item 2 as being significant there, but parents are likely to view 1 as equally important, if more of a stealth reason in their explanations to her.

I'm just saying that life in a civilized society means being unselfish enough to admit that 2 is a consideration at all. From the OP, it is clear that this family does consider that to be a matter for consideration.

It will need to be approached gently, however, so as not to make it a matter of shaming, so much as a matter-of-fact consideration. Something about working in public in a space where behavioral expectations are so narrow was not a good addition to this problem for now. Ergo, until that is no longer true, that setting seems an inappropriate location for the activity.

Well, I think it would be fine to say, "I don't think doing homework at the library is working well for you right now." And I do think it's appropriate to go over, "So, it's not considerate to be loud and distracting in the library," although I bet she darn well knows this, so IDK. (You know, TBH I haven't been to many libraries where it was stone-quiet; some child, adult, or homeless person is periodically loud at ours on a very regular basis). But I wouldn't want to see this turn into a shaming, "No public places for YOU! YOU can't CONTROL yourself!" thing, not that I think the OP will. It's more that I read a post like that and feel sad and wonder how many people are thinking that sort of thing all the time about children with challenges, emotional or otherwise ("They should not bring that child in public!")