Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional New to forum, 2E son

The time-consuming nature of advocacy can definitely impact family lifestyle and priorities. Some may say the only thing worse than spending time documenting, is spending MORE time because you did not document... things can pile up quickly.

Documenting can encourage one to boil down each encounter into salient facts. For example, in a post upthread it was mentioned that the 504 is not being followed. You may wish to keep documentation on what is not being done that should be, as well as what is being done which should not be.

Only slightly different from other advice given, it is often possible to keep all sides of the encounters "sane" by focusing (and re-focusing) on facts, stating (and re-stating) your common and unifying objective (which is to facilitate access to appropriate educational experiences for your child), staying calm and unemotional, seeking information, not presuming certain underlying motives but rather asking for clarification, and realizing when something seems to push your buttons and feels internally like it may trigger a negative emotional response... do not yield to that impulse but rather make a note of it. During an encounter (such as a meeting or phone call) or from one encounter to the next, you may find that you are repeating yourself but that is OK.

You mentioned upthread that your father is an attorney. Might he be interested to review the information on the wrightslaw website, and see how it may apply to your advocacy efforts? This might also help increase understanding within the extended family, as to what you are dealing with, and build support within the extended family as a safe place to talk about circumstances and to vent.

We had in the 504 that the teachers were to make sure DD writes in her planner what the homework is, and they were supposed to initial it even if there was no homework. Well, they weren't doing this at all. It was like we signed the 504 and no one bothered to even read what they signed. Did they think it was just a list of tips and not an actual legal document? I don't know. Unfortunately, most of the 504 was written in such a way that there would be no way to prove if it was or was not followed, for instance give her warnings for transitions and scaffold assignments. The teachers just blew off things like that. Almost everything was "If DD requests..."...well, they could just claim that DD never requested anything. After a few months, the teachers were aware that I was complaining about the 504 (long story), but I did not confront them directly. One thing I started doing was I ripped the pages out of her planner/calender when the dates passed. I think it scared them a little bit. They knew I had these pages at home with proof that they were not writing in her planner or initialing it. Suddenly they started doing this. If they had asked why I was ripping out pages, I would have just said that it makes it easier to find the appropriate pages in the book, if the old ones are taken out. I guess what I'm saying is that you should collect evidence that the 504 is not being followed and if you can make them aware that you are collecting this evidence, or might be collecting the evidence, without coming across as adversarial, that might help.

and
Well said.

We had a change to 504 at semester that DS is to take a photo of daily assignments with his iPad. He doesn't have much homework, unless classwork isn't complete. 504 coordinator told teachers ADHD child will not process verbal instructions to "take it home if you're not finished."

That seemed like a good plan; however, he is only taking the photo in one class--math--where, ironically, just doing this seems to have changed his behavior and he is now completing nearly all assignments in class. That teacher checks student planners. The rest do not.

So when I look at his 504, it doesn't actually say they need to check, just that he needs to record assignments. In this case, technically, they are not failing to implement. It's just poor verbiage. If he can't remember to write down assignments, he is unlikely to remember to photograph them.

There is also a 504 accommodation that he will have "peer assistance" with organizing. The teachers said this didn't work, so they stopped doing it. I'm not crazy about that accommodation, anyhow, so I didn't push it.

I think we need clearer instructions. The district standard is that all assignments are supposed to be posted weekly, online, but for some reason the gifted teachers aren't doing that yet. I hope they will next year--that would help enormously. The pattern so far has been DS will do very well for several weeks, I will grow complacent, and then there is a sudden plunge into incomplete work and poor grades. He's been wildly inconsistent.

Also: one teacher, at least, did NOT know what the 504 is and how it functions. Because they are all brand new teachers. I didn't hold that against him--poor training--but it has definitely effected my son negatively.

Because teachers weren't responding to weekly email, I coasted along for several weeks believing everything had leveled out. In fact, it seems like DS is having a medication issue (he changed meds and it went well for awhile, then he tanked w depressive symptoms) that needed intervention a long time ago...but since I didn't know, I didn't know. And we are unable to get "urgent" appt. with psych.

I think it's really a learning curve for me and the teachers. I need to quit being so *hurt* by everything and they need to quit being so defensive.

Hi Eco,


I know-- they can make you feel like that when they are ganged up to do the wrong thing, and you're there in the wilderness saying "wait-- is this ethical? is this appropriate or normal?"

Trust me. Your expectations seem very reasonable and what they are doing is awful (and a violation of civil rights).

We have BTDT and gradually been able to negotiate for change. Sometimes it's impossible-- much depends on the people and structures in place locally. But sometimes it can be done.


That's the right approach. There may be a limit on what advice they're willing to take from a parent, as well. You always want to leave their sense of their own professionalism intact.


Yes.


I would reframe that. Somewhere in the system there is an incentive in place that is making them choose to not acknowledge or address his needs. They may have learned that they can get rid of children who are too much work. They may be rewarded by other parents or administrators for having only "perfect children' in this program.

Given the chance and the right incentives, they will probably do the right thing (unless they are not competent to). That's behaviorism too.

At this point I am betting that those incentives will have to come from the district level.


Feelings are like weather; they do pass. However, I would still document the heck out of this and tag it to the incident that made him feel this way. "On the day when the teacher reported X, DS told me that he felt Y."


If you can find other parents to talk to, and encourage them to speak to the district too, that could help. Dysfunction needs to be exposed for what it is.


WONDERFUL. It is very important that you feel someone has your back, especially if they are the one who can help think of the right thing to say.

DeeDee

Yes, there is information available on how to create an effective 504, including
1) Davidson Database, IEP / 504
2) Understood.org, 7 tips for developing a good 504 plan
3) About.com, special children - sample 504 plans
4) Kids' Health - 504 education plans
5) GreatSchools.org - 504 plan
6) Wrightslaw has lots of information - use their "search" feature to find '504'

I do have a job. I also do hire helpers-- mostly college students-- who can help with homework management, leaving me more free for other kinds of management and basic parenting.


Clarification: From Emotions to Advocacy is about how to get from the lost, desperate feeling of seeing your kid go down the drain to making change that helps.

Yes. That they are new CAN be a good thing-- not yet set in ther ways. It does mean you have to treat them as professionals, while also helping them see what's within their purview as teachers. (includes: following the plan!)

Edited to add: this is also a teaching job for you. Persuading them to think again and know their obligations is a huge job... but it might not be totally unlike your old teaching job in certain ways...

DeeDee

That's how I took it, I skipped a step in my communication. I've been feeling so emotionally overwhelmed, and my orientation is toward emotional content, that I've focused on the wrong pieces, I think. It's been a colossal waste of time trying to influence the teacher's empathy by "painting a picture." I have to get out of that mode and into facts.