Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Sick, Sick, Sick of Helicoptering

Master of none - indeed! He has turned back into the happy kid I know and love.

Bluemagic, - the principal asked if I'd considered that he might not make it through high school. I told her that, of course I had, but I was expecting that maturity, better support, and therapy to make the possibility a lot less. Here is hoping the same for you!

On the phone the psychologist we are going to see tomorrow mentioned Early College programs. This is something I have considered for some time, but I'm not sure how to make it work. And these would required at least another year IN high school. Unlike other districts in my area, mine doesn't have anything set up with the local community colleges.

Keep in mind that in H.S. they do have to PASS the class or they have to re-take it. No more social passing. And the grade will matter if he wants to attend university. My son is passing his classes, but at this point, it's just passing. He grades will go up after finals because he tests very well. Will the school work with you to get preferential teacher picks? I find different teachers, learning styles work better for my son. There was the 8th grade science teacher who interpreted one of my son's doodle as making fun of her, and other teachers that just "get" him and everything goes a lot smoother.

Does the behavioral psych acknowledge that this is a major problem with perspective-taking skills? DS doesn't know he's being rude because he's only seeing things from his own perspective, not that of the teacher or other people.

It is a learnable skill-- BP could work on it if BP has that expertise. Or you could seek a really skilled SLP. My DS gets advanced perspective-taking training from an SLP through our school.


I agree. It would be more ideal if you could get him into a situation where he would receive both direct instruction and sympathetic coaching (a teacher who'll say "look at it from my perspective" as a reminder, for instance, instead of flipping out).

It is also possible to write into a behavior intervention plan (addendum to IEP) that when he offends a teacher, here are the steps they must follow to prevent a problem. That can include that kind of coaching. If it's in the BIP it's mandatory...

Dee Dee - fabulous idea about the behavior addendum with steps to follow. That would help. And I had no idea there was such a thing as perspective training. I will look into it! And, yes, the psych was really adept even in an hour about asking things like relative moralism - my son's willingness to bend or ignore rules he has deemed stupid. He talked to him about gray morals - the areas outside of black and white boundaries and that he didn't stop to assess if there was harm or problems caused to others when he decided a rule had no purpose.

The SLP Michelle Garcia Winner has published perspective-taking curricula for various age groups. I'm not sure what she has for early HS age kids, but I bet she has something. I'm not a fan of everything she thinks, but she presents these ideas in useful ways.

What do you think is the teachers' perspective here?

When he tells them he doesn't care what they think? They feel disrespected, because they are in a role that commands respect. Whether he actually respects them or not, the social convention is to speak respectfully to people in that role.

If you don't understand this, it makes life much harder.

I don't need to guess; they've been very clear about their perspective. I think they're under the impression because my son doesn't have an appropriate filter that it is ok to not have one when addressing me. Some things they've said this year:

He can be a little #$%^.

He's obnoxious and conceited.

His goal is to humiliate me in front of the other kids and make them laugh at me.

He is undermining my efforts to help him.

He is a braggart.

He has these grandiose ideas that he's special.

He is always bragging about having his own (using air quotes) company and that all these people want to be a part of it, and I know it's a bunch of bull@#%$.

He is delusional. He thinks your company is his company and keeps saying he has this software company when I know he doesn't.

He said he doesn't think he's going to college, so why should I even bother helping him? He thinks he's too special for help.

Why can't you just homeschool him? He's a problem in my class, and he isn't learning anything anyway.

Have you thought about an alternative school? He doesn't fit here.

Have you thought about homeschooling him? You might understand what we're going through if it was you.

I like you son, but he's ...

He's a great kid, but he's

I feel sorry for him. He means well, but I am sick of him doing ....

So I don't really need to guess. I sympathize with the challenges, and I do think some of his teachers this year did a fairly good job of holding him accountable without thinking he could be "fixed". But this was the worst year ever when it came to appropriate accommodations, placement, or teachers who didn't resent that he was in gifted and still got his accommodations. That was the thing that was the worst - somehow thinking that a child shouldn't be allowed to be in a gifted classroom with appropriate content until they'd "gotten over" their learning disabilities which required acommodations.

ABQmom, I am so sorry. And yeah, this is so, so common. I find there is A LOT of resentment about a gifted kid needing accommodations or a child with learning disability being in gifted.

ABQ,
I'm so sorry you've been treated this way. I hope the HS is better.

This is your youngest kid and you'll never need this middle school again, right?

I do think these inappropriate comments should be reported up the chain of command-- not to get anyone into trouble, but as information. Your district is undoubtedly aware that discriminatory treatment of people with disabilities is against the law. These comments and the failure to give the accommodations are legally actionable; if they have any clue at all at the district level they will want to ensure that this stops.