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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,032
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,032 |
I can relate to most people on their level, but then feel lonely because they can't relate to me. I felt like I always had to curb myself in company. This is my DD, to a tee. She is a friend to many people. But gradually over the past few years, she has chosen to uninvest in many of those relationships because SHE isn't getting anything at all out of them. It's just time that makes her feel more lonely. She likes BEING liked, all right. But it's not the same as having a two-way friendship.  Oh. My. God. I'm going to have to process this for a while. I believe this may explain a great deal about why I don't have friends.
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,453
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,453 |
Coincidently I came across this poking around for something and scarily the first paragraph of the book desc describes me almost to a tee and ditto for DD. living with intensity
Become what you are
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 80
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 80 |
HK, your daughter is very lucky to have you. Not only as relates to this subject, of course, but I know if just one of my parents would have been able to support me and understand me through all of the social stuff when I was a teen, my life would have been drastically improved. Not that I would change where I am now, but I could have saved a fortune in therapy and wasted tuition.  Hopefully I can save my boys from similar angst.
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 690
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 690 |
HK, your daughter is very lucky to have you. Not only as relates to this subject, of course, but I know if just one of my parents would have been able to support me and understand me through all of the social stuff when I was a teen, my life would have been drastically improved. Not that I would change where I am now, but I could have saved a fortune in therapy and wasted tuition. Hopefully I can save my boys from similar angst. Ditto.
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 113
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 113 |
Coincidently I came across this poking around for something and scarily the first paragraph of the book desc describes me almost to a tee and ditto for DD. living with intensityI find this the singular most helpful book on the topic.
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 312
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 312 |
I should probably add that I still feel a little bit idiotic for not realizing earlier why I didn't relate to people all the time, but I think it's party because I'm a little bit of a social chameleon. I can relate to most people on their level, but then feel lonely because they can't relate to me. I felt like I always had to curb myself in company. This is my DD, to a tee. She is a friend to many people. But gradually over the past few years, she has chosen to uninvest in many of those relationships because SHE isn't getting anything at all out of them. It's just time that makes her feel more lonely. She likes BEING liked, all right. But it's not the same as having a two-way friendship. Oh. My. God. I'm going to have to process this for a while. I believe this may explain a great deal about why I don't have friends. I agree with all the above! I can easily be friends with many different people on a surface level, but I don't really have any true friends to speak of. I've befriended several different co-workers over the years and as they have come and gone so has our friendship even though we are still all living in the same area. DD8 just asked me the other day if I have any friends and why I don't hang out with my friends. I wasn't sure how to explain this to her. I just told her that my family was more important to me than hanging out with anyone else and I'd rather spend time with her and DD9. It is pretty sad and lonely when you think about it. DH will tell me I can sometimes come off as snobby, but I honestly don't see it like that. I'm always friendly and quite witty (I think). I'm just picky and set high standards and I don't put myself out there for just anyone. I don't see that as snobby, but being cautious and reserved. Like Nautigal said - I need to really think about this now. Good grief, I probably have some deep-seeded problem that I'm just now coming to realize by going through all these things with my daughters. Maybe we can all do therapy together.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 978
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 978 |
Yes and yes 
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 393
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 393 |
All this makes me remember entering college. I really believed there would be more people like me, who I could talk to and understood me. I became depressed once I realized it was the same people I went to high school with.
It took me a long time to learn to stop looking for a friend who had the same level of thinking and interests as I. Interesting enough, I have tended to date men who were HG+, but also workaholics. My dh is certainly hg, yet because of life experiences, has a healthier work/home balance. Therefore, we are quite well suited.
As I try to understand my boys, I am slowly learning more about myself. Hopefully, that knowledge allows me to support them more effectively than I was.
I LOVE living with intensity!
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,513 Likes: 1
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,513 Likes: 1 |
As I try to understand my boys, I am slowly learning more about myself. Hopefully, that knowledge allows me to support them more effectively.
I LOVE living with intensity For this I have to say: you rock!
What is to give light must endure burning.
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181 |
All this makes me remember entering college. I really believed there would be more people like me, who I could talk to and understood me. I became depressed once I realized it was the same people I went to high school with.
It took me a long time to learn to stop looking for a friend who had the same level of thinking and interests as I. Interesting enough, I have tended to date men who were HG+, but also workaholics. My dh is certainly hg, yet because of life experiences, has a healthier work/home balance. Therefore, we are quite well suited.
As I try to understand my boys, I am slowly learning more about myself. Hopefully, that knowledge allows me to support them more effectively than I was.
I LOVE living with intensity! Yes-- and then when I finally DID meet other HG+ people in grad school... wow did I ever regret spending all those years dumbing down. I felt SO inadequate next to people who knew how to leverage their brains in ways that I didn't.  Most of the time, I like living with intensity, too... though it can make long car trips interesting, to say the least. We're all fairly opinionated and volatile.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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