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My DS has a lot of the traits that cym describes in her son. So far, though, we have not had a problem with him getting overwhelmed. I don't know why we have escaped it or if it will turn out to be a problem later. I do think he is pretty good at setting limits. I know one thing that seems to have helped--his preschool teachers.

When DS was in preschool, he tried to take on on many adult roles in the class--monitoring rules, helping other kids, etc. And the teachers did not let him get away with it and they told us not to either. They told us he only had a few years to be a kid and he should enjoy it. They would tell him, "You are a kid. Your job is to play and learn and have fun. Our job is to enforce the rules. Eventually, you will be a grown up and then you will be in charge of the rules, but not now!" When we saw him doing something too adult at school even years later, all we had to say was, "What is your job?" and he would say, "Oh, yeah, I'm the kid." It really seemed to help a lot.

I don't know if this approach will help at this late date. But I think it has helped prevent DS from becoming too responsible for others.

This sounds like what I ought to do, Neato, maybe shortly before school begins, although we're still exploring the homeschooling possibility. I do need to communicate better with the teachers that the "leadership" that DS demonstrated needs to revert to being a student.

I can relate, cym, we are in a similar situation. I am on the fence for DD5 for next year. We are also investigating homeschooling. It pretty much comes down to the teacher. And, even though DD8 had a great year last school year, there is no guarantee the everyday pull-out will continue, it'll be up to her teacher.
I have found the school willing to work with us, especially the principal. It's a lot of energy, though.
Good luck with DS, let us know what you decide to do.


Neato

Thanks for the support Grinity and Kriston
I've been convinced the past couple years that I wouldn't be a worse teacher for DS than many of his prior teachers If the school hadn't cooperated with us in April I would be making up lesson plans now for next fall.

I'm just glad to have Cym's experience to draw on when I see some of the same patterns happening with DS. I like the idea of reminding DS that his role is to be the Kid

Thanks for sharing MON. Asynchrounous Development surely affects us in the High School years, perhaps into adulthood as well!

I do think it's a lot of pressure for young kids that are skipped and put in responsible role. I want DS to focus on himself and not be worried about other kids (although a little mixed signal with my hoping he watches out for younger brother who will go to the same school).