Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Are Gifted Couples More Satisfied Than Non-gifted?

My marriage is quite happy. I work part-time, which definitely helps our family. This way I take care of things at home, as dh has a stressful career. He is definitely hg+ (very strong in math, engineering, science) I have never been tested (that I know of), but fall in the high ability, maybe mg area. (I was in pull-out in school, always towards the top of my class.)

What I think works though is respect. We respect each other. We do have like opinions about religion/ politics. We are both planners. We are about to have good discussion about a variety of topics. We cannot have intellectual conversations about our specific areas of our jobs, because we are in very different fields. However, we both have people we can discuss that with.

I also know intelligence with a good life balance were why we were drawn to each other. (Everyone else I had dated were already married to their job.)

Years ago I enjoyed a book by Dr. Jeffry Larson called Should We Stay Together. It was a culmination of 40 years of social science research and the author's clinical practice. It's rather an interesting look at the factors that are increase or decrease the likelihood of divorce for those considering marriage.

It does not offer a look at giftedness specifically as a factor. There are however many factors that may be related concepts. For example, pursuing education makes it less likely that a woman might marry before age 20 (a factor which doubles the likelihood of divorce).

As illustrated by the SAHM discussion above, having congruent views on roles within the relationship is another factor which influences marriage success (defined here as not ending in divorce). Similarities of religion and other core beliefs are impacts as well.

The book spends some time debunking the idea that we Americans often cling to that love is the only necessary ingredient to a successful marriage and that it can supercede any challenge. The research and divorce rates in our country do not bear this idea out.

Wish I had time to type more but have to run.

Indeed. My initial reaction was a variation of the conjugation game we played here recently:

My current love is brilliant.
My former love is an idiot.

There's definitely something to that. Research shows that it's usually external stressors that lead to the breakdown of families... typically involving money, health, and children.

And where I'd suggest that gifted couples have the advantage is that they're better able to manage those stressors. They're better at making and managing money. They're better at analyzing health issues and advocating with doctors for more positive outcomes. And they're better at coming together as a team and managing issues with the children.

Where gifted couples are at a disadvantage: emotional intensities.

Absolutely, Dude.

We've weathered acts of God and the usual wear and tear of daily life extraordinarily well relative to most people.

Where we don't always manage things well/healthily is:

a) areas where control is minimal/illusory (and this is where "special needs parenting" comes into play in a BIG way); we're avid planners, strategists, and detail-oriented people to the core. "Accidents" don't tend to happen to us at the same rate that they do to others-- because we see things coming a LONG way off... but oooooo, when truly unavoidable stuff DOES happen, it's a 7+ on the Richter scale in this household.

b) that emotional intensity-- however, with that said, we at least UNDERSTAND emotional intensity and are compassionate with one another over it.

We definitely divide labor by ability. Which is why the male member of our team is the breadwinner-- because the hard reality is that it is STILL the case that we get the most household bang for the buck there. Waste of energy to pretend otherwise, basically. Also true that while neither one of us is well suited to full time parenting, I'm better at it given that my DD is mini-me. Least-worst. I'm better suited to hard-line and tactical advocacy, too, which has been a bonus. DH goes to "Bull in China Shop" much quicker than I do. I've also taken on all of our (complex) medical as a household-- because my background better suits me to that task.

We're sort of ruthless in our ability to determine the solutions for us as a couple. Not unemotional, of course... but pragmatic in spite of it, I'd say. We're extremely self-sufficient because of our variety of strengths. I'm not sure if that is common among GT-GT partnerships, but I suspect that it is. I recall my grandparents were like this, too. They lived through some VERY hard things, but were tough as nails-- together. They, too, fought like a pair of caged tigers, but that was their "method" somehow, much like it can be with my DH and I.

Thanks, Mum. I'll have to read that later on.

He has been on that since he was three. I didn't mean to imply that he would expect his partner to cook and then be ungrateful for what was provided. DH and I split cooking responsibilities even though I'm a SAHM. It's a bonding thing for him and DS, too.

I was more concerned with his perception of some foods (color-coded) and what the reaction to that would be from a non-gifted chef!

Even among gifted chefs, I've not heard adults routinely refer to their perceptions of foods as colors. I've not heard of color-coding as a characteristic of giftedness, with known and agreed-upon interpretations of various colors/flavors. Gifted kids may conflate the words for various senses, but a child may appreciate knowing that describing colors is normally reserved for experiences with our sense of sight, while other words may most effectively help others understand what we are experiencing with our sense of taste, touch, smell, and hearing. Fortunately, kids have time to learn these things. Hopefully if kids call their food blue-green at home, parents feel empowered to coach them in expanded vocabulary (in this case flavors, textures, and food preparation methods) so they may clearly communicate their thoughts to others?

Meanwhile, freeze-framing an individual as a child and projecting this character a decade or more into the future is an interesting sci-fi phenomena.

When wondering what "quirks" might be catered to, accepted, or understood in a marriage, might we also wonder what behavior an individual would expect to be well-received in a university setting, job interview, or other adult leadership position? If a person's "quirks" are not well-received in these roles, do we ascribe it to interacting with persons who are not gifted (enough)?

I'm not sure if synesthesia is what is being described there, nor if it is more common in GT (or any other non-NT population).

But it's a definite thing that occurs reasonably frequently in the population at large, anyway-- it is just that it's unusual enough that most adults have learned to keep quiet about synesthetic observations on life.

That looks like a fascinating book! I want it. It crossed my mind that it would make an excellent graduation gift.