Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Disappointing p/t meeting- what to do if anything

Had my first parent teacher conference with dd4's teacher. The rating sheet she gave me has 5 scales, the lowest being n/a. Dd4 was either a n/a or beginning skill on each of the language and math metric. The teacher seemed to not have any clue where dd really is. Things that dd was doing at 16 months were rated at beginning- things like identifying numbers and letters. Dd4 has self taught all 4 basic operations, can do simple addition of fractions like 3/4+1/2 etc, can add using negative numbers, can skip count by 2,3,5,10, can add double digit numbers mentally without regrouping and using manipulative for regrouping, has been spelling and writing phonetically since she was 3, etc. Teacher doesn't know any of this because dd hasn't been asked to exhibit any of this and dd will never on her own show anything to people outside the home. I just listened and didn't say anything. When I came home and told dh about the meeting, he was furious. He wants to go tell the teacher how wonderful dd is and how advanced she is. I don't think we should because dd is only 4 and who cares what her report card says, she enjoys going to school and has made good friends, and we can always change schools next year or in future if dd is miserable. Dh is not convinced. Please advise what is anything we should do. Thanks.

Is this a school you plan for your DD to stay at for any length of time? Or, will any reports from the preschool teacher affect admissions to any future schools/programs? If not, if I were you, I would try to first figure out what you want your DD to get out of preschool. If she's getting what you want out of it (e.g., social stuff), then maybe it's fine to let this go.

But then again, maybe there is a better preschool situation for your DD, where the teacher actually knows who your DD is. There can't be that many kids in the preschool, can there?

First, I'd advise DH to take a few deep breaths. If DD only shows what she's asked, then it's not entirely the teacher's fault that she's coming away with a wrong impression of DD's abilities. The teacher has a certain expectation of what's normal at this age, so that's what she's looking for. And if that's what your DD shows, then that's what the teacher sees.

It also doesn't help if you're silent when presented with this information at the p/t meeting. Somebody has to tell the teacher to look deeper.

Based on the information here, I'd go ahead and leave DD in her current situation, and enjoy it. My DD8 had the same experience (except that my DD showed her abilities, and her pre-K teacher reacted accordingly) and loved it. The real problems began in K, because that was more of a learning environment, and less of a fun, social one.

I'd also start figuring out what to do with her when K comes along. It's a good time to start checking into local laws about gifted kids, schooling options, etc.

Yeah, I agree with Dude. I think the point of the parent teacher conference is to discuss things. I don't think I would have stayed silent, but I can see how disbelief might have shocked you into saying anything. Maybe you could set up a separate meeting where there is more time to chat.

Can you set up another conference, and be prepared to speak about your DD and ask questions? Maybe take your DH with you? I take the parent part of the parent/teacher conference seriously. I do listen to the teacher's comments, but definitely ask questions if something seems unusual or odd, or even just to clarify. Also, I usually have a couple of questions prepared to ask the teachers.

In your case, either your DD is hiding her knowledge at preschool, or the teacher isn't really paying attention. You might want to ask her how they do the evaluations.

Edited to add - Truthfully, the only thing I expected one of my DS's to learn in preschool was social skills. The other DS needed to practice writing letters, but other than that, my expectation was lots of playtime with friends. I didn't expect them to focus on academics.

However, I would have been concerned had the teachers not noticed that my sons knew their letters and numbers, as well as the other "academic" skills required for K. One of them could read well at that age, and his teacher picked up on it because he was looking at the words when she read a book to the class and he looked at her oddly when she skipped words, LOL.

Well, the same thing happened with my DS in K. So, I sent a written request for a meeting to review the report card and asked the administration to be represented in the meeting as well. This is what I was told - even though your child might have advanced abilities in a subject, the testing that they do is for grade level proficiency. If the child answered all the questions correctly, then they are graded as "meeting the requirements". They do not test for advanced abilities in my school district until 3rd grade. Until that time, the child will be tested on grade level stuff. At that point, the grade received by my son made sense because the testing papers of my DS showed that he could count up to 10 and do skip conting as well up to 10. Nothing remarkable there. The remarkable thing was that DS had already finished Miquon orange book and Singapore math level 1b at that point and was working on SM 2a.

This is pretty much my experience with DS8 in Kinder. I got myself all worked up until I spoke with a friend at a very expensive and prestigious private school and she was having the same issues. Basically at our school in Kinder the report card is a guide for parents as to where the teacher is in the curriculum, and has no bearing on individual student performance. We are in a magnet TAG program. Things got very different and better for us in 1st, FWIW.

I feel like an idiot for not speaking at the meeting. I was in shock and was trying to figure out in my head why dd would not have shown teacher that she knows how to count and other basic stuff. I can understand if teacher doesn't know her advanced abilities but why would dd be rated a beginning for skills she mastered 2.5 years ago. I was so involved in thinking about how I can ask my dd to show what she knows that I didn't even ask the teacher why she is not seeing any of what we see at home. I do become tongue tied like that in such situations. Maybe I can write a polite email and inform Teacher about her work at home and ask how that can be brought out at school. Dd is a goof and is so busy doing silly stuff, you would never guess what she knows unless she really gets in the mood. Also the fact that she doesnt read doesnt make her stand out. Her class is mixed age from 2.5 yo to 5.75yo. one of the 3yo reads and the 5.75yo reads and does first grade math. In comparison, my goofy child that is more interested in recess than anytjing else might come across as average at best. Not sure I can do anything about it. Thanks for all your suggestions.

Lovemydd, I wouldn't worry that you didn't speak up. It's a good thing to speak up in the moment, but if you don't, all isn't lost! Sometimes it's even better to wait a day or so, get input from a spouse or whoever, and then go back to the teacher when you know for sure what you want to say. I've been in quite a few meetings over the years (re my kids) where I was surprised by what the teacher said, and it didn't ever hurt just to think about it for a day or so before bringing up my own thoughts.

I also wouldn't worry too much if my dd wasn't getting anything academic at all out of preschool, but it does sound like your dh wants something more, and it sounds like the school will differentiate based on what you've seen with other children there. Given that, I'd suggest asking for a brief follow-up conference that your dh can attend with you. This is *totally* an ok thing to do - just catch the teacher in person at drop-off or pick-up sometime in the next few days and let her know you'd like a chance to meet with her again; let her know your dh was disappointed he wasn't able to make the first conference, and that you both were surprised at what was reported in the conference vs what you've seen at home and would like to have a chance to discuss it. This doesn't have to be confrontational at all, just a casual request to meet and chat. And I hope your dh will be able to go with you next time - if not, be sure that you have a discussion with your dh beforehand and be clear that if he wants something said, he needs to tell you what he wants communicated ahead of time.

Best wishes,

polarbear

She's only 4, and she's enjoying the class.. I'd probably let it go for now, so long as nothing from this teacher impacts where she goes next year.