Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Tough love anyone?

While I don't agree with the reference to the 10K hours Malcolm Gladwell article in this, I do think that some very valid points are raised here:-

Sometimes hard teachers are the best ones...

I would agree that there are some valid points. In particular, with this sentiment.

"But collectively, they convey something very different: confidence. At their core is the belief, the faith really, in students' ability to do better. There is something to be said about a teacher who is demanding and tough not because he thinks students will never learn but because he is so absolutely certain that they will."

However, there is a notable difference between being tough, demanding and fair based on intelligent, well-thought out teaching practices designed to bring out potential and just being a tough, mean jerk who is focused on meaningless things.

There is indeed and I had plenty of teachers like that during my schooldays too

I wonder how much having a passionate role model helps?

MoN, +1 for that post.

DD had a bad "tough love" teacher last year. This year she has a great "tough love" teacher. I'm thrilled to see a teacher continuing to ask her to do more. She CAN do more.

Last year's teacher was of the "You didn't align the column exactly the way I told you to" persuasion; this one is of the "Tell me more. Could there be another reason for this? What about...?" persuasion.

Having read the article, I am not sure everyone responds to a true "Mr. K." I had a really old-school teacher in one grade in elementary who was kind of like that. Some of my friends still remember him fondly but I hated him. The next year, I had a teacher who also had high expectations but didn't scream at us. She gave me a low grade that I've never forgotten that really hurt at the time, but which I deserved. Now that one--she was the one of the best I ever had.

The character traits that the author talks about are very important, but there are better means to achieve them.
Having had my share of Mr K's in my life and having attributed a lot of my successes and character traits to them, I disagree that tough love is what is necessary to make or break our kids. I hate that a lot of the "fun" times of my childhood were ruined by perfectionist nuts who screamed in my face because they lacked the patience to teach and expected me to measure up to their standards while not putting in the hardwork necessary to make each student the best that they could be. Admittedly, I am good at some things because of their methods, but if I had control over who taught me, I would never pick those people. And I do not look back with respect or fondness at them. I do not practice "tough love" with my child because of my past experience. Instead I teach a lot of the traits mentioned in the article like perseverence, rote learning, memorization, discipline, "drill and kill", learning about failure etc by involving my child very early in life (at 4 years old) in pursuits like Martial Arts, Piano and Chess clubs. My now 6 year old with lingering small motor issues learnt what it was to fail, persevere, learn from peers, memorize, drill to kill etc while preparing for a recital to be performed in front of 600 adults, sparring with 9 year olds, auditioning for a piano exam with a judge, memorizing technique for a Sparring Form with 20+ movements, playing chess tournaments with USCF rated players and losing etc. No nuts were screaming at him or poking him with a pencil and he was having fun while learning important life lessons and life skills.
And to the author of the article - Creativity cannot be taught or learnt. A person's innate creativity can be fostered by practice, but it can't be planted in their minds with 10,000 hours of practice. I am a living example - I hate to cook, but have cooked for my family from scratch for years because of allergies and diet restrictions - I feel like I am at the 10,000 hour level - but can never be a creative chef. People like Mr K can never make me good at it even if they were mentoring me.

Agreed 100% - I don't subscribe to the 10K Gladwell thing myself - I am sure that it works on someone that already has natural talent but it the absence of that then I remain unconvinced. The old adage involving sow's ears and silk purses springs to mind as being apropos here.

What I really agree with about the Tough Love approach is the expectation that the bar IS within a child's ZPD and encouraging a child to aspire to reach and exceed that bar. Ranting and raving is not necessary but frank, open and direct communication is IMO.

I think with 10k hours each person can be the best they can be but in the majority of cases that with be a basic competence level. I could learn enough technique to become a competent producer of pictures for instance but I still wouldn't be an artist.

It is ok to have a tough teacher if a) they are consistent, b) they are fair, c) the truly believe in your ability to improve and d) you know they are not going to give up on you.