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    Joined: Aug 2013
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    Sara M Offline OP
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    I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I have a highly intelligent 3 year old daughter and need some advice on the best way to prepare her for a new sibling. As my pregnancy has progressed, she has become more and more clingy, has begun to develop irrational fears about things she used to love (e.g. preschool, swim lessons, dance class, etc.), and has started picking more and more power struggles. We have purchased children's books about becoming a big sister and have talked a great deal about the new baby and her role when he arrives. We've even told her what we plan to name our little boy so that she could begin to feel more attached to him. Despite all this talk about the baby, her role, and her feelings, she still is having a difficult time with the idea of a sibling. She is an extremely sensitive child and we want her to know that she will always be loved, even when she has to share our time/attention with a new baby. Does anyone have suggestions for other ways to help prepare her?

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    My sons are just short of 4 years apart. I told my then DS3 that he would be a big helper and told him some of the things he could do to help, and the types of things he could expect - crying, diapers, that he wouldn't want or be able to play for a while and some of the good things like how he would be looked up to and how he could help out around the baby and teaching him things as he got older. He was worried and has never dealt with change well, so we were concerned about how he would handle it. We kept him involved and let him help set things up and pick things out for the new baby as well.

    I think one of the best things we did when the baby was born was give him a gift of a baby doll to open when he came to the hospital. It was two fold, a) he got a present so he got to feel special too, and b) he had a doll to feed, and diaper and bathe or whatever else he wanted to do that I wouldn't/couldn't let him do with his brother.

    Also, my husband (his step-dad) made sure to give us mommy and DS time just the two of us so he felt he still was special as well.

    We were lucky, my older son quickly went from jealous and worried about the change/sharing his mommy and daddy, to adoring his baby brother - and 4 years later they are best of friends (I hope they stay that way!!). I found that late 3 and 4 was a great age to be a little helper he could get me things and follow my directions well.

    Best of luck and congratulations!

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    My daughter was born when my son was 3 years 3 months old. While I was pregnant we did some role-playing with him or his stuffed animals pretending to be the baby. I also introduced him to any young babies I could find and any of his friends who had siblings, older or younger. We talked and read books and watched videos. I made a photo album of him as a baby so he could see that once upon a time we did all the same things for him.

    But I have to confess that it was still quite a shock to him to see how much of my time was suddenly taken up by a yowling stranger. Fortunately, she didn't mind him cuddling with me as she nursed. He wanted me to treat him like a baby too a lot at first. I tried to do as many things all together as possible, but he quickly got tired of the nurse/diaper/sleep cycle. Although one of my friends with two daughters said that her oldest loved helping her care for the new baby. Having a baby carrier was helpful so we could eventually go on walks and such. Whenever I can, I take a few minutes of "All About Us" time and ask him what he wants to do.

    Now, six months later, he loves her and calls her "my baby" but still struggles with wanting my undivided attention. Having other people around more, like my husband or DS's cousins, helps my little extrovert a lot. When my husband is home we switch off so that I can have some one-on-one time with DS. I tell him that he and his sister are special friends and how much she loves him. He's the only one who can always make her laugh, and he likes that. He's growing into the big brother role and likes showing her how to do things.

    ETA: Also, practicing what he could say to the frequent variations of "Do you like your new sister?" Or "Are you a good helper/big brother" would have been helpful for him, I think. I didn't mind his honesty, but I think he may have been surprised at the reactions to the "wrong" answer. Something I read compared it to how I'd feel if DH had suddenly brought home a new wife because he liked his first one so much. smile

    Last edited by Somerdai; 08/13/13 02:09 AM.

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