Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Thoughts on giftedness and introvertedness

Maybe this is OT, but as an introvert myself I really enjoyed the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain. That book has also been discussed on NPR somewhere. Generally it talked about the differences between introverts and extro(a)verts and how our society is extravert-centric. But what I really enjoyed about it for myself is it was very positive about the value of introversion, which has made it easier for me to enjoy and value my own introversion and not to feel guilty about it. I have also given myself permission more often to say no to things that I know I will not enjoy due to being introverted, and to schedule down time when I know I will need it (e.g., visiting the in-laws, all of whom are very extraverted and most of whom are delightful

I don't remember if it specifically talked about introverted and gifted, though; I think it was more there are different kinds of people and they need different kinds of things to be happy. But well-argued, considered, and informative, IMO.

DD8 is a cautious extrovert, and has been since the womb. She would get quite noticeably upset if someone she didn't know attempted to hold her, so we developed a rule, "Don't pick her up until she lets you know she's ready." When she decided the person was okay, she'd throw her arms up in the "pick me up" sign, and be just as friendly as could be.

This cautiousness before opening herself up is one way the casual observer might mistake her for being shy. The other way is that she is highly selective, valuing quality over quantity in her relationships. She'd be more likely to have two best friends for life than hang with a large crowd of superficial friends.

But she is, without a doubt, highly extroverted, because she is constantly demonstrating a craving to be with other people, and is highly energized in social situations.

As for how my DD's intrinsic personality has been affected by the kind of conditioning described in the OP...

She displayed something that looked a lot like shyness in public school, because of the things that I'd mentioned before. She was being highly selective, and the other kids were simply not her peers. She also had negative experiences with a couple of her teachers, and that dynamic affected her ability to form friendships with classmates. But, get her outside of those issues, and she is who she is. When we're talking about intro/extroversion, we're talking about an intrinsic personality property, after all.

I underwent some things similar to my DD's experience, for a far longer time, and I can't say it affected my degree of extroversion, either. I am who I am.

This also happened to me, although as a girl I think it was probably accelerated by how my family couldn't really afford to buy many nice things, including clothes.

It's interesting to me that some people seem to need 'both' solitude and company--I think DD is like that; she's happy to sit and read all day, but if one of her friends is around she can chat with them all day, too.