Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion we left school!

We have endured many months of frustration with DS's school, some of which I have posted about here. The school did their comprehensive evaluation, moved him around for some classes, moved him around some more when those didn't work out, said they would accelerate him next year, back-pedaled and said they wouldn't, and so on. Meanwhile DS kept getting in trouble, and continued to dislike school. We knew it wasn't a good fit. The school knew it wasn't a good fit.

Yesterday was his last day, and we are officially homeschooling now!

I know it seems kind of strange to leave school so close to the end (there are about 3 weeks left), but there just didn't seem to be any point in continuing to force him to be there.

I am a tiny bit sad, but I'm not even sure why. DS is clearly very happy about it. I guess because I really wanted school to work, and we tried, unsuccessfully, all year. I am trying not to see this as a failure, but rather as a success, because we will move on to bigger and better things. At least I hope so!

Well, as you say-- it's a step in the RIGHT direction, yes? I understand that feeling of sadness that your plan A didn't work out, though.

Congratulations on making your decision!!

I felt sad last year when we could not get DD's teachers and school to do anything positive, despite our best efforts to go along with their suggestions and not be too demanding. I think there's a Japanese word that describes regret at a situation involving waste (mottainai?) that expresses it better. Even when it's not your fault it didn't work, it's still sad when things don't work out that could have worked out great but for other people being unhelpful.

Congratulations on making a positive step; I hope things go well for you all.

I bet you feel like you lifted a load off. No one can say you didn't try to make it work, I wish all the best for you at home! It sounds like a perfect solution to me.

we may be right behind you, and with only 7 days left in the year!

i, too, am not really seeing the point of sticking it out - we know DD5's not going back there (jury is still out on whether it's public or homeschool for the fall.) i think if she has to come home early again today, we're out. i'm feeling a weird sense of loss, too - and i think Dbat put it perfectly - it feels like such a waste.

wishing y'all the very best, KnittingMama, and please keep us posted on the homeschooling adventures!

I think part of my sadness is false. I enjoyed most of my time in school, so it is hard for me to imagine not wanting to go to school. I think *I* would have been sad if my parents told me I couldn't be in school for the last few weeks. By contrast, DS has been asking to leave school for many months and is finally getting his wish fulfilled.

I can be an overly emotional person though, so I'm not really surprised by my reactions.

You have a range of emotions when you withdraw your child three weeks before school ends and start to homeschool. I know. I did the same thing last year with ds7 (2e pg) when he was in kindergarten at a gifted, Montesorri-type school. Yet, it was the lesser of two evils at the time.

Ds7, too, had been asking to pull him from school for many months. Three weeks before school ended, he had a complete meltdown. And that was it. Not the way I wanted to end things either. Not good for reducing any anxiety.

This year we've been homeschooling and it's been better. Not always ideal for me or him, but still the best option overall.

Take homeschooling each day or week as it comes, I say. One step at a time. I was very nervous and anxious about it. However, this year ds7 has made such tremendous gains and strides that would have been near impossible in a school (private or public). So success can have many facets to it and not always defined by school or what you may envision learning to be.

Someone once said to me to rip up any mental map of what school was and what I had planned out or envisioned for ds7. This was difficult, but good advice in the end. She meant to say that we're on our own map or trajectory with ds7 and that there isn't a well, defined road to follow here. And this is true.

No one mentions in the parenting books that your child may not be accommodated in a school (public or private). I wish someone would stick that disclaimer or small print in. It would have been nice to be prepared that there is alternative universe to education besides formal schooling that may even succeed how the formal schools operate. And there is. It's called homeschooling or unschooling. Peter Gray's Free to Learn is useful here.

We haven't had to withdraw dd since we never put her in, but I have a sense of loss as well because I enjoyed school for the most part and I feel sad knowing what she is missing, but when the only school here tells you she will just have to be miserable, then I know it would never work and she would not get what I got out of it. And I totally agree with the fact no one mentions that school may not work for your child in any of the parenting books. It is just assumed that when they are 5 they will go to K and follow the path, but it is a sense of loss that for our kids it just don't work that way.

We already withdrew earlier this year and it was a huge sense of relief to finally walk away from incredibly unhealthy but it was hard as well. I think the sadness is grieving the loss of how you imagined parenting/childhood would be for your child. Every parent has dreams for his or her child. I can't imagine anyone's dreams look like the realities of EG/PG/2e, etc. There is a sadness in losing the dream of how this would look and feel and a reality of how hard it is and that there may never be a "good fit" with no trade-offs. It's the sad reality of living in the tails and being so far from the "normal experiences" of childhood.

I know exactly what you are saying. I was told by gifted, structured school #1 that my son was not typically gifted and that I wanted him to be 'normal' like everyone else, but that we would have our own life and a very different one at that.

Well, I understood what she was saying, but I briefly taught in a public high school before I had ds7! I had enjoyed parts of school too (though not some of the bureaucracy or boring parts). And yet, part of me knew/knows that my son is not 'normal' and will never be 'normal.' I can't make him be if I tried. He's not going to have a similar public school experience that I had and that the majority of people have. But that doesn't mean he can't enjoy some elements of it elsewhere or in another capacity.

I also have to remind myself that ds7 is not me and he has his own thoughts, interests, and ways of doing things. Some we may share on; and others we may not or totally disagree on. And then there's the pgness which is another whole level outside most people's experience.

So, yes, I do 'get it' the sense of loss you feel. That's normal and expected. I still have that feeling some days. Why? Well, everyone goes to school (public or private). It's part of our culture and society today. Kids are not around during the day; they're in school and then usually after-school activities. Parents work. You know the deal.

To be honest, we didn't think of plan D (homeschool/unschool) either. It wasn't on my radar either, but then we were left without many options. I didn't know anyone who homeschooled or unschooled, except my niece in the UK - which was only very marginally helpful. I had no vision of what it entailed or how it would look or anything really. I felt so green. But I started to read a lot of books on unschooling or like Madeline Levine's book, Teach Your Children Well, to see another way of doing things and learning outside of traditional formal schooling. Then, I slowly started to meet up with people in my area too and see the kaleidoscope of people who are homeschooling and unschooling and started to feel less of a loss and less green.

I read somewhere that 90% of eg/pg kids are homeschooled at some point. I believe it. I just wish it was a better publicized and known fact than some secret that few of us seem to know.

I would take the situation as a learning process and learning curve. Think what can you learn or what can you discover and the situation becomes more enticing, or at least it did for me. Concentrate on the positives with homeschooling/unschooling and there are many.