Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Screen Time Blues

My DS4 loves playing games on the Kindle and watching TV. I swear he'd do nothing else if he could. It bothers me that he can't seem to find anything more interesting to do, since I'm not really a game/tv person.
His game time is currently limited to an hour. There is constant asking/whining about watching tv or playing games.
I've tried using "tickets" so that he can break up playing/watching into smaller chunks. I've tried taking a complete media break, thinking that he'd get over it, but it didn't work. I've tried letting game/tv be completely available, thinking that he'd get bored of them (this would be my preferred method), but he just doesn't seem to get bored of them.
Ideally, I'd like him to find something that's more compelling than the games/tv, but haven't been able to so far. I don't think it would bother me as much if the tv he watched was strictly educational, or if the games he was playing were more like Dreambox. But I can't seem to find a way to limit just the "fun" games.
Anyone have a kid like this and have you found techniques that work?

Don't set it up as forbidden fruit. The minute that happens, it becomes a power struggle that is no longer about the desire to have more screen time but a desire to push the boundaries.

I never limited screen time for my kids, and the older two are in college pursuing degrees, so I don't believe it killed their brain cells or turned them into mindless lazes.

What I did do was make sure there were enough other activities that their interest were expanded beyond the screen and that the time was limited by default because we were doing other things, Screen time became a way to unwind, get away from the stimulus of other people or to pursue in depth individual passions and interests. We went to the park regularly, made three times a week trips to the library, visited the children's museum, went shopping for groceries, etc. I had a stool in the kitchen so the kids could come and "help" with cooking - even if it was just sticking their fingers in things to taste them. The kids had a little table near the kitchen with craft things that changed to adjust to their ages. And when they got so immersed in a new computer game that I thought their brains and eyes needed a break, I simply announced that it was enough time on the computer so it was time to do something else. And if the protested and gave me attitude, I unplugged the computer and told them that their attitude had ruined their opportunity to play any more that day. They became quite willing to log out of a game and go do something else, because they knew there was no room to whine their way to more time.

I also never separated fun vs. educational or skill building. Kids innately like to learn, and our kids like to learn intensely. I wasn't preparing them to be prodigies - so I let them drive the learning process. That being said, I did limit what I found to be awful programming. When they're four, you can still do that,

I seriously wouldn't make this a battle or a hill to die on. There will be other power struggles that you MUST win, so I wouldn't pick ones that can be addressed without setting it up to be a power struggle.

We don't really limit screen time either. There are days when both boys (3 and 4.5) spend way too much time playing games and watching tv and there are days when they don't care for them almost at all. We have all the kids gaming systems (V.smile, Mobigo, Leappad, V.Reader, etc.), my Kindle, old laptop that DS4.5 has in his room and of course Android phone that's in high demand.

As for TV, the kids only watch PBS shows and couple other shows that I do find educational in some way (and they have learned a ton from those!) and same thing with games, it's mainly educational. If DS4.5 wants to play games on Nick JR website, he first has to earn 20 tickets on ABSMouse or do some work on Dreambox. Sometimes he likes to play PBS games and those are educational as well. DS4.5 does really well switching between acitvities. DS3 is the addict in the family but even he likes to drop the Leappad that's ingrown into his hand and go build with blocks or do something else.

Our only problematic game is Angry Birds. I can see it makes DS4.5 nervous and builds up frustration in him. I was determined to not introduced him to that game but he saw our 19 year old play it and that was the end of my plans to stay away from Angry birds . But now DS4.5 knows that when he gets upset with the game, I take it away so he's learning to keep his feelings in check

I may be an outlier here but I do limit screen time with dd3.5. She watches max an hour a week of PBS kids or YouTube videos on subjects that interest her plus about 5-10 minutes a day on ixl.com. I am always with her when she is watching and we often talk about it later. At one point, she was starting to get addicted to screens and would throw tantrums and get real mad. However, I was firm and used a combination of these techniques:
1. Threaten with minus points from Santa ( okay agreed not the best approach)
2. Explain logically about passive vs active entertainment and how they benefit/hurt
3. Entice with more appealing activities such as going outside, doing messy science experiments or enacting the tv characters she likes
It worked and she hardly ever asks for screen time by herself.

We've had trouble with a few very specific activities re: screen time. Mostly, we've not seen a reason to limit screen time as a whole-- DD would far rather read than watch.

The exceptions were very specifically role-play related, and 'virtual reality' with a social twist. Webkins was the first of those things. (ugh. Like crack for kids.)

That taught me a lesson-- I've said NO to Minecraft, and I keep her passwords for some other similar activities like Roblox. When she starts one of those activities, we give her a finite time limit, and if she balks when it's up, she knows that we'll deduct time the NEXT time.

Skype has also been problematic at times.

In general terms, though, DD has gone through periods where her screen time was pretty high. Definitely higher than official recommendations, and way higher than we'd likely admit to our social circle. But I firmly believe that HG+ kids are simply.... different... when it comes to screen time. It's that fire-hose mentality at work.

I also agree about not allowing it to become a power struggle. We found that the single best way to limit this was to have a crappy cable package. Heheh. She doesn't watch much television when there isn't anything 'good' to be had there. I suspect that dial-up would have cured the Webkins problem, too, but the adults in the household needed the high-speed. Darn.

And I admit ... I even OFFER DS4.5 computer time because it's the only time when I might get some quiet around here and hear my own thoughts! lol

Plus both my kids are the type that like to learn on their own. They would never let me explain anything to them. But they absorb a huge amount of info from their show and games. There's no way DS3 would be reading now if it wasn't for Leapfrog videos and Super Why and Wordworld. He does not like being read to so he'd have minimum exposure to reading if it wasn't for those shows. Yet thanks to them he started phonetically reading and wasn't even 2.5 years old. Same for DS4.5. He sure wouldn't know how to do basic addition and subtraction at age of 3 if it wasn't for his V.Smile gaming system because at that age it would never occur to me that he'd have the ability to learn that and I'd wait with any of that till school years later.

And just the fact that he has all this at his fingertips doesn't increase his screen time at all. The laptop in his room, if he wanted to could run all day but he only uses it for about an hour if at all in the afternoon and sometimes in the morning when he wakes up too early.

The only limitation we're imposing (unofficially) is no TV in his room.

Haha. I'd forgotten until I read your post, but my youngest - who was later diagnosed with dyslexia, dysgraphia, and a few other things, hated books, coloring, writing ... But he forced himself to read in order to learn what to do on the screens in Pokemon in his GameBoy.

My kids' favorite game as they got older were the Nancy Drew Mysteries. Even now, with two of them in college and the youngest 13, they'll buy a new game over Thanksgiving or Christmas when they're all together and spend hours upon hours working together to solve the clues.

But I do have to say that up until my older son started college and got into Eve, I never had to worry about addictive behavior. And for a kid that old, it took natural consequences of failing in classes at school to bring about some self-moderation. If I had a child who showed serious addictive behaviors or huge emotional upset, I'd likely have removed or limited the activity with an explanation of why and then let them work their way back to getting some access. So my advice about not limiting is because I didn't need to,

The only TV DS5 watches alone is PBS and since I work from home a lot it isn't uncommon for him to watch two hours or more a day. One unusual part of our TV room is that we have a disc swing bolted into the ceiling. It is his favorite seat so he gets lots of exercise while he watches TV.

Poor guy hasn't gained a pound in years

I've never had to limit screen time for DD10 - she's more of a reader. That's an understatement, actually... her reading interferes with homework and sleep. sigh. We came home from the library with a new armful of books today. I'm not complaining, it's just that... well... sleep is important, and homework helps with the "I need harder math" advocacy.

DD8, on the other hand, is a Roblox addict (that and minecraft). The problem with this game is that there doesn't seem to be a way to save his level, so he's incredibly resistant to being pulled away from the computer. When he's been obsessed with other games, if the level (ie his "work") could be saved, he'd willingly step away when I asked. Now that he's in his Roblox phase, it's frustrating to transition him to something else.

On that note, to the Roblox experts out there: is there a way to save his level? Has he missed something?

Yeah, we've limited reading a LOT more than we've limited screen time, all things considered. It's been the bigger.... er... problem.

(And how.)

I still have to keep an eye on DD because she will "sneak" a book when she's supposed to be taking notes, working math problems, etc. I know her quick hiding spots, though, and I clear them out so I know if she's stashed something that day. Heh.

Roblox. Hmmm. DD says: On some games, there is a way to save your level, but the creator of the individual game has to code things that way, and most don't bother. Mostly it's the RPG's that have it, but not the arcade style ones.