Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion i need some input

My son is 6 in two days. He scored 158 on the WJ111 cognitive at the end of last year.

He also has encropesis with associated soiling and wetting problems. Last year was fine, he had a few accidents but there were only a few occasions when he didn't deal with it straight away and was prompted by the teacher.

Here's the problem - for the last four days(it is Thurs here and the seventh week of the school year). He has had soiled pants when I picked him up. They had been soiled long enough for the skin to burn and blister (he said since writing over lunch, assembly etc). Upon discussion it appears the children are expected to finish what they are doing, signal silently to the teacher that they need to go to the toilet and wait until he acknowledges them and gives permission. My son has delayed development in this area - he can't wait and is not supposed to.

He has also started saying school is boring and he wants to stay home. He says he hates having to his best all the time. He does his homework very messily and I know it is far too easy and his teacher admits the maths is too easy.

Given I am a complete coward and intimidated by the teacher how should I approach this.

You need a 504 plan for him so that ALL educators in the building are aware of his issue and able to help him. This is not something a six-year old can self-advocate for, IMO. Get in touch with the child study team at school and set up a meeting. Your doctor will probably have to provide some sort of documentation. In the meantime, tell his teacher. Get a doctor's note. But I'd definitely recommend the 504 for going forward. You can always not renew it once his physical development catches up.

As a teacher, I get all sorts of 504 plans, and they just let me know when I have to provide leeway for students because of medical reasons--frequent bathroom passes, different seating arrangement, snacks for diabetics, etc.

We don't have 504 plans but I will speak to the teacher on Wednesday (we have a long Easter weekend) and if I feel he is unwilling I will arrange a meeting with the teacher, the head of the junior school and the public health nurse. We had several last year but it was running smoothly so I just left it to the teachers to pass on the info (I checked they would). A lot of the problem is that the teacher thinks it is my son 's problem and I should just let him deal with as peer pressure will solve the problem. He doesn't grasp that my sons toileting is about 3 years delayed. He says a bright boy like him should be able to deal with it. Since when was intelligence and bowel function linked!

The teacher sounds like he needs it in writing from the paed (or gastroenterologist) that your son has a medical / physiological problem and the steps he (the teacher) must follow...

And the lesson I would also take from this is that you personally need to make sure important medical information gets properly explained to the new teachers each year. Teachers have a whole new class every year, kids with giftedness, LDs, medical issues, social and emotional problems, the list goes on. The chances your paperwork will get get skimmed or not read at all are high. Keywords being picked up and assumptions made is par for the course. It's not uncommon in junior primary for there to be kids with toilet problems which are NOT medical problems per se, which will be driving this teacher's incorrect perspective.

Yeah I know but we had meetings with the public health nurse, his last years teacher and the head of the junior school twice a term all last year except the last term. At that point it seemed to be ok. Then I got his IQ test results 2 weeks before the end of the term and kind of lost the plot. I won't make the same mistake again.

Thanks

I spoke to the head of the junior school and she said of course he needs to be able to go to the toilet immediately when he needs to and she will check with the teacher that it is happening - I did say that it was possible he was just confused. We will see how it goes. The Easter break seems to have helped too.

He can't always tell. He has improved enough that he can tell if the stool is firm and the bowel is full but often he just leaks a little. But he can't wait once he has felt it or the signal goes away and he soils later.

The head of the junior school said his teacher says he doesn't have to wait just signal and go but he says it takes a while to notice the signal. Today he had a relief teacher and when she hadn't seen his signal he gave up because it was too late.

Pull Ups wouldn't really work as they get changed together for swimming etc. Besides he is actually really good at cleaning up and I don't mind throwing away undies when they are too bad.

Resurrect the mother bear within. That doesn't mean your claws always have to show, and, in fact, they should only be for last resort, but you are his mom, and he needs you to keep pushing and advocating - all the way through school. I used to get sick just thinking about having to speak up, but if you don't, no one will, so you learn to do it even when it feels awful - and it gets easier over time.

You did good already speaking up, so now it will just take polite persistence to find a solution that works for your kiddo.

Let them know the signal isn't working and that he needs to just be able to get up and go.

thanks. This is all of course before I have got to the point of pointing out that he is supposed to have an IEP and that someone with an IQ like his might just need to go faster than the kids in his group who have taken twice as long to get to the level the group is working at.

I must learn to be more assertive.