Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Parent child personality

My DH and I are opposites in terms of our approach to life. While he is extremely laid back, I am on hyperdrive (not pushy but just always up to something). DD3.5 is very much like me. So while she does tire me out at the end of the day, I can keep up with her high energy for the better part of the day. My DH, on the other hand, feels burned out after just 1 hour with her. This is not good because a) my DD can sense this and does not want to spend much time with DH ("I like it better with Mom. We do fun things together")and b) my DH feels left out and surrounded by two high maintenance females. Any other parents in similar boat? Any suggestions on how to create harmony when parent/child personalities don't match?

Is it that your husband burns out with a lack of focused activity to do together, or does he simply find her energy draining?

Maybe he can take over some of the more exotic activities that your DD enjoys so that their lustre rubs off on him. Scheduling permitting, could he take over a sport or exciting excursion? This is what I do with my DH, who is also somewhat outpaced by DS.

The latter. DH cannot handle multiple things happening at once and definitely cannot take non stop movement and gooey mess- all the things that dd thoroughly enjoys.

I second aquinas advice. From the time our second DD was very young, her energy has been just exhausting. She can NOT stay in the house all day. She and I can pretty much just go do whatever, whereas she and daddy have developed a nice, activity based relationship. They camp, fish, bike, ice and roller skate, ski, swim, and just play all out door sports, whatever they might be. He tries to tire her out and never succeeds! LOL but, they have a great time bonding together over all of these activities. She has even developed a love for helping with things like yard work, because she just loves to be outside DOING something. They also will build things together, do house hold projects, etc.

My dh seems to respond to my suggestions when presented "this works for me". I give dh specific ideas (especially because we have 2 demanding, high energy boys). On Saturdays, I have signed my boys up for sports and dh enjoys bringing them, practicing, encouraging. Also, I have offered ideas for engaging them like games they can all play together. My dh still feels exhausted after 2-3 hours, but the boys and dh feel like they've had fun. Then, everyone's ready to have me back around.

My dh loves our boys, but how to handle them and their energy doesn't come natural for him. I am with them everyday, so I had to figure out what works. I am happy to sure what I've learned and am still learning. I try not to be too frustrated and simply be happy that I am able to be home with my family. (Of course, some days are better than others.)

I completely understand. Our family is much like yours, it seems! DS seems to prefer reading multiple books at once, which drives my husband insane. I just run with it.

I recall from a while back you suggested gymnastics for my son. If your DD is still in classes and scheduling permits, your husband could take that over. Or, your daughter could put on her own gymnastics "Olympiad" and have Dad be the sitting judge? Ditto for other sports she enjoys. I remember diving for hours like that with my father as a kid and loved the attention. (I also became a decent diver, too!)

Melessa, I love how you present ideas to your DH. Gotta learn that one from you. I have been asking DH to find his own happy medium with dd and no one is happy. Maybe I need to help DH try my techniques on working with my dd.

Colomom, sounds like your DH and dd have a beautiful relationship. Thanks for the ideas. Come to think of it, dd and DH loved building the snowman and snow castle a couple of weekends ago and I loved an hour of my time.

Aquinas, from reading your posts, I agree that our children and our parenting styles have things in common. I have to start forcing my DH to start taking dd to her music and gym class. The sitting judge idea is great! Dd loves to perform and DH loves to just sit and watch, lol!

I'm guessing that at least part of the reason your DH finds her so exhausting is because he's spending much of that time doing activities he does not enjoy. Dress-up? Tea parties? Dolls? *gag*

Playtime Rule Number One: Daddy doesn't do dolls.

Yesterday, when I spent time with my DD8, we played computer games, goofed around with the guitar, played with the dog, assembled a puzzle, hit some whiffle balls, played tickle football, and then chatted extensively before bedtime. Not coincidentally, those are all activities I enjoy.

Well, we DID play cooking show, but it was only for 20 minutes.

My recommendation would be to encourage your DH to forge his own relationship with your DD. Expose her to things that he enjoys, and see what sticks. Also, encourage your DH to experience some of the things your DD already enjoys, to see what might stick with him.

It's not quite the same, but I have two boys and a husband who is into the whole car thing. I know my husband was looking forward to having a son who, of course, would be interested in the same things. Well, my eldest is a lot like me- he has no interest in cars, video games, or anything "macho".

My husband does find it hard to relate to an academic child, when he was nothing like him as a child himself, but he makes a great effort. As parents should. Hubby reads physics books, or does a jigsaw with him- simple things that aren't too hard. And my son appreciates it.

Sometimes kids gravitate towards one parent, but it doesn't mean they don't love the other! And not all activities have to be academic- often hubby will take DS1 out for lunch or dinner, or to the playground. And now with our second boy, he is very much a rough and tumble kid, and very much a daddy's boy.

Exactly what Dude said. What does your dh LIKE to do? The father-daughter bond is really SO crucial. As they go into their teen years, what they have done together even now is going to matter so much. Your dh has to find ways to bring in things that HE enjoys into their relationship. Little girls don't have to be doing girlie things every moment of the day. While my girls have always enjoyed dolls, they have also enjoyed building with Legos, going to the Build and Grow workshops at Lowe's, playing various sports, reading books together, taking photographs together, science projects, nature walks, etc. There are so many possibilities. Your dh has to really figure out a way to tap into HIS interests and share them with your daughter.