Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion dumbing himself down ... I hope it's temporary!

That's so cool... another childhood idiosyncrasy of mine is a real condition: cold urticaria. I had no idea; I just figured my legs covered in hives was just something that happened every winter. Luckily I grew out of it sometime between around 9 and 11.

Something to keep in mind about kids doing ok playin with older kids (or younger) - yes it IS a theme of gifted children. It's ALSO a symptom of poor social skills in ASD kids. I have two children who do better with older children and I can clearly see the difference in the WHY between their preference for older/younger children - and the difference in quality of interaction/friendship too.

I think this is so important to think about - especially in relation to your son not having anything in common with kids in his class. My DYS son was light years ahead of his peers in preschool but he could still play with them. He preferred to play board games that he understood with adults or older children and would often craft elaborate games to play with the kids his age that they did not understand. But he was able to play with the kids appropriately even though he was way more advanced than they were. The kids in my disabled son's preschool can still play with him and enjoy him even though they are ahead of him. The kids who cannot have spectrum difficulties in social interaction. If your son cannot do this, it is still a concern for his teachers and needs to be the focus of his preschool program. Doing so in preschool is so important and can make huge differences. Later on, it is much more difficult.

While it is a theme of gifted children to enjoy older children, it is not that they cannot understand or have nothing in common with peers their own age. Certainly they can swing on the swings together and have fun even if one can add fractions and the other can't add at all. If you are teaching your son that he doesn't need to learn to play with kids who are not as advanced as he is or have nothing in common with him because of speech delays or disability, then you are part of the problem. (I believe your quote was something like "we can't blame him for not wanting to interact with these kids".) I am not trying to be harsh, just pointing out that if you want him to get over his social delays, you have to work with the teachers and help him understand that he can play with anyone even those who are intellectually inferior to him.

Oh, I didn't mean he won't play with them. They do play quite well, they just don't seem to "click". The basic play is ok. Digging in the dirt, crafts, play kitchens, and such are all ok now. Problem comes up when say they all want to build with legos or put together a train track but he wants to sit down first to draw construction plans and measure everything first while the other kids just want to put couple blocks or tracks together. It's things like that where he's complaining and he just goes and does it alone or at home.

I need to go look up that one. Not quite what I meant but perhaps I worded it wrong?

ok, I found what that was ... I was talking about not really connecting, not that he doesn't want to interact with them. He just gets bored and then comes home and tries to engage me or anyone else in sight into his games. I remember having those same problems when I was little. My "friends" wanted to talk about dolls and I wanted to talk about space and submarines. So we were friends and played together because that's what was expected of us but never really clicked.

Mk, you've gotten good advice on this thread. With a kid on the spectrum, you do him a huge disservice to assume he can't connect just because he is too smart for other kids. Kids on the spectrum at this age lack the social skills to play well or "click" with other kids. The example of wanting to measure first before building, while the other kids run off to build, shows a lack of flexibility, an adherence to his own way of doing things that prevents him from going along with the others. The complaint of being "bored" is also very typical of autistic kids-- "bored" often being a stand-in for "I don't know how to engage with the friends or activities that are on offer, I'd rather be off doing my choice of play by myself." I would take that as a cue that he needs to expand his interests, and be taught to get interested. Not a cue that it's all below him.

Young autistic kids often find things to be as important or more important than other people-- that is, the legos, or a particular arrangement of blocks, may seem more important than the friends. Preschool is a very, very good time to work on both flexibility and friendship skills-- other kids will make leaps in this area, and it will be hard for your DS to keep up, but a good foundation is essential.

Polarbear's suggestion about the allergies is great-- providing all food for him seems like the best way to keep him safe. I know another parent who went this route, and it was very successful.

DeeDee

the preschool doesn't take parent volunteers as it would distract the class and what they are doing there. Yes, the allergy thing is crazy. Just yesterday I got ticked off yet again ... after I tried to explain to the teacher numerous times that we are trying to avoid exposing DS to any cold and temperature changes at all costs, I read on his report for the day (he brings it home every day) that he played in the sensory table filled with SNOW ... and there was a little not that he had gloves on but COME ON! How exactly would they make sure he doesn't touch his face or the snow doesn't come on his skin? He's super sensitive to it right now so it's not that I'm just being over protective. This is actually serious thing for him.

I posted in another thread that we are seriously considering homeschooling DS when fall comes. At least through K, maybe 1st grade but I would love to have him at least finish the pre-school year. But the school isn't really making it any easier for us.

When he started back in November, we asked if they could keep track of any behavior that would be out of the ordinary (that would correspond with the PDD-nos diagnosis). The school said no problem, the teacher said no problem ... I have yet to hear ONE single thing about his behavior other than "he's doing great" ... so either he's the perfect child, which I doubt, or the teacher and the assistant just go about their day and don't really give a flying hoot and we have nothing to go by to see where he's at. We'll have a parent conference in 3 weeks so hopefully I can get some feedback then!

We ARE providing all his food ourselves. That's where it gets so frustrating . While regular snack time is not an issue because he has his own snacks, there are times like the Valentine's day party or Christmas party or Movie day when the teacher either gives all the kids an extra snack (and supposedly check all the ingredients to make sure it's egg free, etc.) but also parents are allowed to send in pre-packaged snacks / candy with ingredients listed on them with the rule being NO eggs. And the teacher or TA gives each child some of that. I don't want them to give anything to DS but I guess they feel bad leaving him out and still give him some to take home and don't seem to check the ingredients as in depth as they should. I should probably bring this up to the principal or someone in charge but quite honestly I really LIKE the teacher and don't want her to get in trouble over this. I'd much rather educate her and work it out with her but I don't seem to get too far.

As for sort of "ignoring" the diagnosis, the reason is, we were never sure of the diagnosis in the first place. It was made last September after years of searching for answers and the diagnosis was made by an intern, so not a whole lot of experience there and we are still waiting for further evaluation by a developmental specialist. But since September he has gone through this strange (but GOOD) change and the only ongoing issue that remains is Sensory Processing Disorder. Something he's had ever since he was a baby and we never doubted that. But all those reasons why we started looking for a diagnosis ... we just no longer see them. Even his private OT dropped the frequency of the sessions to once a MONTH because she doesn't seem the need (she knows we work on the sensory part on a daily basis at home) so we just go in once a month for a check up to make sure things are not getting worse. ... This is a child that was getting twice a weekly OT and twice weekly ST just 12 months ago!

So, it's not that I want to deny the diagnosis or ignore it ... it's that he is no longer the child who received the diagnosis in the first place! ... and I couldn't be happier! Is it for good? who knows but it's a nice change! The only explanation we have is change of diet ... whether you believe it it or not (I wasn't much of a believer before but figured we'd try anything that was in our powers) ... and just weeks after we put both our boys on gluten free / casein free diet, they started changing, in good ways (the younger one completely lost his aggression and the older one as you can see lost most of the spectrum signs he was showing before) ... and in our case, it makes sense. With all the ongoing allergies, it could had been food sensitivities causing most of the problems. ... We have eliminated the allergens and things have gotten better.

Anyways, sorry for the novel! ... I just wanted to explain the reasoning behind not concentrating on the possible disabilities but rather on the abilities, because, for once we finally CAN!