Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to turn down publicity

One of the things I found taped to the wall when I was helping my daughter move out was a small article written about her about her climbing successes. That someone else noticed her talent and created a wee bit of hoopla about it meant a lot more than I thought it did.

On the other hand, I downright offended several modeling agencies in town when I told them under no conditions would I consider allowing my minor daughter to be photographed, be part of their agency, etc.

I drew a very hard, fast line between getting praise for something that was of value and what was not. Those were based on MY values as a mother - I am not dissing other mothers who have allowed their children to be in modeling as children. It was just something I would never allow.

So I guess what I'm wondering is why getting some hoopla for an academic achievement is considered silly. If it were me, I'd let my kiddo get the hoopla and enjoy the public acknowledgment. Our kids have to downplay their talents and spend so much time not feeling their true worth, so I'd embrace the opportunity.

But that's just me. If you think it's silly and not of value, you're the mom. Just say no. It'll tick 'em off and make the school unhappy - as the publicity would definitely be good for them - but you're the mom, and you get the draw the lines where they need to be for your family.

This is a tricky issue, ABQMom (sorry, typing on new tablet and not able to drive it well enough to do quotes yet!) I think Val (was it?)'s point was a good one; recognition for maths achievement is more tricky socially than just about any other kind of achievement. Actually my DS has also just done well in a national maths contest and I've been through this thought process in that context; his school didn't even mention his success on their website news (which is not notably selective!) and my instinctive reaction was, tbh, to be mildly disappointed by this. But, on reflection, it's entirely possible that this was a considered choice on someone's part to spare him unwanted attention; and in fact it may have been a good call.

I am in ABQMom's camp. I do not see publicity being a problem as long as it's the true story (instead of distorted one). It may help you in better standing with the gifted teacher and the principal and your advocating for your DS from now on will be very receptive.

But again, it is not about us, parents. It is about the kid and your DS doesn't want it, you have to make a stand. My younger DD would welcome it but older DD wouldn't. I would act upon my DD's wish and not mine.

ABQMom has a point, but the thing here is that the school is exaggerating the success and turning "did well in the statewide competition " into "ON HIS WAY TO THE OLYMPICS!!! ! ! !"

Which is exactly why you allow an interview - so you can provide on record the actual facts. Reporters can only report what they are told or can find, and they're not going to do investigative research on a feel-good piece like this. I worked for over a decade in journalism, and I've seen some ridiculous things make it to print because there wasn't enough meat to dig through before the reporter wrote the story.

Val,

(1) DS is in a dual-language school. It was upgraded from a dual-language program within elementary school 3 years ago. Brand new principal and GT teacher, and a challenging work to integrate spanish-speaking and non-spanish kids. They experimented grouping, mixed-grade grouping, etc. My DS was the first one they sent to middle school math, when they tried to group DS (3rd grade at that time) with 5th grade GT math and did not fit. They worked out all the scheduling negotiation with middle school while we did not even ask for subject acceleration. We are very lucky to have the principal and GT teacher who are so ready to help. That is why I was hesitant to raise the publicity issue.

(2) DS did not work much on math at home except 15-20 minutes for algebra homework from school. His time is occupied with other stuffs. No worksheets what so ever. But he attended middle school math club. They practiced mathcounts drills and contests.

(3) Studying with 8th graders on math was a confidence booster for DS, he loves it, but I am not sure if he is appropriately challenged because he is still bored in the class. Middle school teacher still have to stick to the rule of "no child left behind". Because of the scheduling difficulties, DS did not join the best 8th graders, he settled with the 2nd tier class. None of his classmates joined math club or took AMC8 test.