Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Regrets of an Accomplished Child (NY Times)

...I figured, if all went according to my carefully hatched plan, I could graduate with all my “to do” boxes neatly checked off, my teachers impressed if not wowed, and the ultimate achievement: an acceptance letter from the Ivy League college of my choice. It all went as planned. I didn’t learn much of anything. ...

Though I alone was responsible for insulating myself from challenge and failure and meaningful reward, an entire system buffers today’s children from such possibilities. Overprotective parents, schools dedicated to acing exams, a college preparatory system that offers zero capacity for error (unless it provides pathos fodder for the application essay) — all of these elements make it hard for the ambitious child to risk a misstep. There is no room for failure, let alone soap opera afternoons.

Any misstep and you would end up in the abyss because the road to success is incredibly narrow and almost everyone gets thrown onto the industrial scrapheap because they took a step off the path.

What gave you that idea? Did you create it yourself? Did it come from your parents? Other adults? From the schools?

Plus, I knew that I didn't know anyone who was actually relevant in life.

My perception of things were that the people who I grew up with didn't matter in the larger scheme of things...

My own epiphany — more like a break, really — occurred senior year of college. I was mid job interview with Quaker Oats, explaining why I wanted to work there (it had something to do with Crunch Berries). Suddenly, I saw myself from a distance. Is this what I’d gone to four years of college for? What happened to my dreams of writing, of public service? I ended up interrupting myself by saying, “I’m sorry, I’ve made a mistake — I actually don’t want to work here.” Then I walked out.

At that moment, I knew I needed to do something completely different, something I had no idea I wanted to do — no, something I actually didn’t want to do. I needed to get off track, to completely challenge every assumption I’d ever made about who I was and what I wanted. I had to do something that would quite possibly make me miserable. It could end up being a terrible mistake.

On the spot, I decided to pick a country off the map that I had zero interest in, one with a different religion, a different ethnicity, an unknown language. A place where I knew not a soul. Somewhere I couldn’t go about my usual routine, diligently checking off boxes.

Within a week, I’d bought a one-way ticket to a small city in northern Thailand.

[quote]She came back safe, thank goodness, but I would not be supportive of my children, especially my daughter, doing what she did.

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