Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Not wanting to go to school :(

This is my first experience with kindergarten, so not sure what is typical of any new K-er. My ds keeps asking to "skip" school days. He has not had any significant negative experiences (that I know of), but each week (we're a month in) he asks if he has go "every day".

I asked what he thinks about the workload of Kindy. He said the handwriting is hard, "but nothing else". His handwriting is actually amazing me, it looks fantastic (he's a lefty, can't tie his shoes yet).

The work is soooooooo basic. His teacher has not (sigh) started ds on a challenge packet per what she said. DS is bringing home worksheet after worksheet with "the letter O" or "circle the pictures that start with S".

Not sure if I'm venting or need advice. I hate to be too pushy...but I also hate seeing my kid be so hobbled. Bah.

Wondering if I should pursue our own achievement testing (full battery of IQ out of our budget right now).

(if you saw my angst in my other thread- I have been angsting) I have been so worried wanting to do this (milestone) right.  It's my first year as a school parent too.  I don't want my son to "not like" something he's never even tried.  (pre-empting a big red flag bad gifted habit).  We're changing "I don't like" to "I don't know if I like" and filling out a short satisfaction everyday after school (just a simple check the box beside the smiley, frowny, and question mark.  If it's a frowny I want a one word answer why.  My other conclusion is if you're going to go to school you're going to have to do things the way your teacher wants you to.   I know the work is too easy for him right now (he had to write "the" three times, yesterday he had to color a few shapes and cut squares another day).  While I would rather have him learning grammar rules and spelling lists during his work period- he has to do the work the teacher gives him. I made this clear the second time they sent unfinished work that he completed in under a minute.  I gave him an hour's worth of writing and told him "if you do your work at school then you'll be done, if you bring home work I'll give you more work.  Do your work at school".  I think what he needs to know is I support the teacher.  The other side of that is if he really doesn't like it I will not hesitate to homeschool. 

I don't know if this is helpful or not.  I don't know how we'll all feel about this even next week, much less after he's grown.  But that's my story just this week after worrying about being pushy.  Unless you mean being pushy with the teachers.  I know they're busy.  I've stayed in touch with what's happening a lot by asking a simple, one sentence question when I pick my kid up.  Or when they tell me something I come back with a simple one sentence answer the next day.  I know they're busy with all those kids just starting school. I also want to be an involved parent and also to parent my own kid.  

*If he does more advanced work at home send a sample in his backpack and tell him to show his teacher.  He's got a lot more time to show her.  It might not change anything, but at least she'll know.*

Thanks for commiserating - patience is not my greatest talent. My biggest rub is that I wonder if patience is the right state. Patience implies one is waiting for something to happen. I'm wondering if anything really IS going to happen beyond this continued pre-K curriculum. I feel like ds is taking a step BACKWARDS from pre-K as at least his pre-K program was extremely hands-on and with a lot of science emphasis.

Anyway...my ds does get to go to a science program at our local library this weekend. He's already excited. There's a Spanish enrichment program they're offering twice weekly after school...but he is so busy now as it is. I wish there
was a science enrichment program instead

I second MoN, in taking a look at the situation - although I would add another angle - your DC's attitude about going to school is going to be very dependent on where they were before. It is not uncommon for gifted kids to think that being home with you is MUCH better than being in school ALL day. School is about rules, and sitting where you told and for how long, etc. I think in K a lot of kids, especially boys, get easily tired of it. And if you have a rule follower, its a challenge to be good all day long. Its why so many of them look like the bars of the animal cage have been opened when the day is over - they are bursting with energy.

There is also the making new friends situation, new teachers, etc. There is so much going on in K to adjust to that it might not be the workload. While I think the challenge issue could be a component of the "I don't want to go" it also might not be, I would recommend thinking about MoN's questions and also seeing if you can tease out from your child what is going on during the day that they like or dislike as a way of figuring out what the anxiety is about.

DeHe

Evemomma I say pursue the achievement testing ...but then let your DS show you the way he wants to go with it.

My experience was slightly different in that I purposefully chose a play based preschool for DD so she could learn social skills. I sort of regret it because of the way it brought out her inner chameleon. I say "sort of" because none of us have any way of knowing where alternative paths would have led.

She used to corner me into enriching her at home (chased me with books, etc - I've posted about this before - how I used to hide from her to get a break). It was to the point where I enrolled her in skating just to try and balance her out and ease her focus on academics (not even kidding). She was PASSIONATE about learning anything school related, from very early on.

Although she had horrible, awful separation anxiety (screaming fits) whenever I would drop her off, she didn't mind going to the preschool. It was only twice per week, 2 hours long. The minute she realized she was the only one who could read or write she became a professional chameleon and even tried to convince me that she'd "forgotten" how to read.

Anyway, I sort of regret the path we took. Looking back I would have somehow scraped together money to have her tested and then looked for some kind of gifted program. Mind you, the way things were I never had any battles with the teachers over how to enrich her because she got what she wanted at home. Now in grade 5, however, she's not at all achievement oriented at school - she isn't motivated by grades. It's as if when I put her in the "social" preschool I placed her at the beginning of someone else's educational track and now she's sort of lost. The Chameleon has taken hold. I need to address this before she gets to high school.

Child-led is the way to go. Looking back, I feel like I should have listened to what my DD was clearly trying to tell me.

Popping in to commiserate...huge hugs. It is sad when your excited kindergartener turns to no longer wanting to go to school! We are going through the same thing...ugh.

First 2 weeks- excitement at all the new experiences, bus, cafeteria, other kids, etc.
Then, boom, realization in my kid's mind that he KNOWS all of this stuff already. He came home so angry, and asked why he was doing 'baby' work with writing letters when he knows how to read. ugh.
He also said, "I don't feel PROUD of my work, Mama. It's all too easy."
Then yesterday he came home rip roaring mad, and said he had asked his teacher for more challenging work and she said, "No". His interpretation was that she said that he was still too young for more challenging work. ???? I have no idea what was said in reality, but his perception was what he described.
bleah.
I now have a meeting scheduled with his teacher for tomorrow. I know they are just getting to know the kids, but given how emotional my guy is, I feel I need to jump in and find a solution before he becomes truly disenchanted and angry.

So, I don't know if testing is the solution for us either, but I am going to open up dialog with the teacher and see what happens.
GOOD LUCK!

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful responses.

MON...

I know exactly where my anxiety comes from: My ds just turned 6 and JUST missed the cut-off for Kindy last year. We could've pursued private K but chose to let ds go to preK instead with his friends (also was worried about his maturity last year as he would be the youngest in K).

It was a looooong wait last year. In retrospect, we did tons of home enrichment (much more than he gets this year)since he was only in school 2 days a week last year.

My anxiety comes from feeling like we should've pursued early-entrance into K last year more aggressively. When I look at the maturity level of the kids, I feel that he would've been fine. Now I feel like I have a first-grader (or higher) stuck in a Kindy class.

I feel like we've waited and waited for academic enrichment (beyond what I can provide) - and I don't see anything coming in the near future. There are no GT programs available until 3rd grade, and then it's only for 2 hours a week. He's only 6, but he's been so hungry for learning since he was so tiny. I guess I have this dream that there is an actual classroom that will help him pursue his advanced interests: Chemistry, biology, geography, mathematics, physics. I suspect that classroom may only exist in our home.

I know that it is unrealistic to expect that any child will be happy all the time about going to school. He certainly wasn't happy all the time about being home last year (he's very social), but it just seems like SUCH a mismatch.

My dh and my brother-in-law both struggled with boredom and complacency in school, and really had a hard time once college hit. So, I guess I have that nagging worry in my brain as well.

Mon...

Thanks tor the advice. I have emailed the teacher my concern that ds is ahead AND older. Her take was "he'll be a leader and won't struggle academically"...yay. They have not really done any skills assessment, so I'm sure she's not aware how ahead he is (I've given her examples of reading/math but who knows if she thinks I'm delusional).

I don't even really know where he is either. I think he reads around a third grade level (?), but has a much higher grasp on vocabulary. His math is advanced but there are pockets he's missing like money and memorized tables. We talked about money this weekend (he loves "car trip trivia"). Once he remembered the values of the nickel vs dime (he gets them confused) he was able to do the simple mental figuring of "how many pennies (dimes, nickels, quarters) in a dollar" and more challenging "how do you get to a dollar using only dimes and quarters?" (for example). Is that first grade math? He understands the concept of multiplication and division and intuitively knows how to regroup. But has really only done math in his head.

Yes...we need an achievement test for sure as I'm obviously unaware of when and what kids are typically learning.

I don't know if this will help with your DS but it could be worth considering. My DD has found ways to include enrichment on her own. On Friday, for example, her teacher began to tell the class a bit about Rosh Hashanah since they would be having a 3 day weekend. DD asked if she could "research" it over the weekend and present a report to the class when they came back on Tuesday. She said she loved doing this. When I asked if she might want to do more "special reports" she said "That would be great - as long as I get to assign them to myself."

Last year (in first grade) her weekly homework included a list of 5 words and the kids had to write a sentence for each word. Now because of dyslexia and dysgraphia this was nothing short of torture for DD. However about half-way through the year she decided to write on topics instead of writing random sentences. She then had to come up with a way to incorporate these random, unrelated words into a cohesive paragraph. The writing itself was still incredibly difficult but by engaging her mind she was actually able to (almost) enjoy the task.

Could you find ways to slip in enrichment for your DS this way?

Thanks for the input, Pemberly. Your dd sounds so fun! We have added challenge to ds' "homework". For example, he was supposed to look at a beginner book and count how many times he saw the word "and". We translated that to an advanced short story instead. They were asked to "count to 20", so I had ds to this by ones, twos, threes (or nearly to 20 :), etc. There is very little communication about what they do in school, so it's hard for me to know how to supplement. He is science crazy and in love with maps, so we are constantly doing enrichment at home, just not sure how it compliments school.