Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Tell your child sensitivity related to giftedness?

Has anyone explained to their child that their sensitivity/emotionality is related to their giftedness? Do you advise doing it or not?

I'm not sure. Keeping in mind their sensitivity would talking about it as a "thing" make them feel too different or would explaining the relationship make them feel better?

I haven't. But I might if it were something that caused her a lot of angst.

We have discussed how temperment challenges in general are more or less 'heritable' and that some of her most challenging traits are things that her dad/myself share with her.

That seems to open the door for discussions about what kinds of coping strategies are most effective under which circumstances, which is important in terms of building credibility as a reliable information source and as a trustworthy confidante.

Yes yes yes!!

I was always ostracized as a kid/young adult because of my sensitivities and didn't match it up with my giftedness until I started researching gifted behavior because of my kids. I had always thought there was something "wrong" with me. Oh, had someone told me!! I would have beaten myself up SO MUCH LESS.

I've told DD9 that the reason she's so sensitive is because she's smart (I've never used the "G" word with my kids because I don't want them to repeat it at their non-gifted school).

(I've also tried to explain this to non-gifted DH with little success - he just thinks the three of us, myself, DD9 and DS8 are "mentally unstable" ...but he loves us anyway, lol ;p ) I've kind of given up on him understanding this and I've just let it go.

Anyway. I've told DD9 that she has her brain volume "turned up." This makes her smart, AND more reactive (sensitive). I've stressed emphatically that she not feel bad about it - it's part of what makes her lucky - but to be prepared because many, MANY people do not understand. I've told her that she mustn't take their reactions personally, and that there's nothing wrong with her.

I'm not saying that your child will suffer the way that I did, but I am a HUGE advocate of telling.

I have mixed feelings about this. I think that most gifted kids will go through at least a brief stage of wishing that they weren't gifted...sso why add fuel to the fire?

Also the link is proposed not proven and many PG kids don't have them.

If your kid does have challenges here I can offer some advice. If the challenges are big enough to warrent a conversation then they are large enough to seek help from a pediatric OT who is familiar with Sensory Integration problems. If that is too expensive and health insurance doesn't cover it, look for books and websites that teach you how to enrich your child's 'sensory diet.' That is the route our family took because we didn't have the gifted label at first and I feel that it helped. I wish there was scientific evedence that those interventions would help gifted kids but as far as I know there isn't. So there is one story of one family..fwiw

Love and more love
Grinity

I wouldn't tell them that their sensitivity is due to or related (in that way) to their giftedness - because I (jmo) think that we don't really know that - some people are extremely sensitive, some people are highly intelligent, we know that. We also know that there extreme sensitivities are often found among intellectually gifted individuals - but we don't know (as far as I know) for any given person that their sensitivities are present simply because they are gifted - it could be their sensitive nature is simply that - part of their nature and would have been there no matter what their intellect.

What I *would* do is to recognize her giftedness in figuring out how to help her deal with it based on who she is and how she deals with things. That's where you take into account that she's gifted. OTOH, it's also true in how you would deal with a child who wasn't high IQ but was extremely sensitive - approach it in a way that makes sense for that individual. There are things you can learn and incorporate from knowing how other parents of highly gifted kids dealt with huge emotional sensitivities, but I just don't think that you can say she's sensitive simply because she's gifted, and that's not something I'd want to tell my child.

BUT - that's just me

polarbear

It's interesting how everyone has their own experience/perspective on it. Tillamook I guess it comes down to whether or not you think your child's sensitivity is due to G&T. All you can do is go with your gut

If I were having the conversation, I'd go the other way around. First sensitivity seems to gather up negative connotations. I'd talk about it as a richer awareness. And that richer awareness gives richer details to better inform a more capable mind.

But I don't think I would have the conversation, as a boy who was crying at little things until I was twelve, I wouldn't have welcomed any variation of that conversation. But if my DS6 asks, I would go the separate but complementary route.

It gets tricky, I give honest positive feedback to my DS when he is moved by something unexpected. I admire, support, and express value for his sensitivity. (of course this can sometimes this can lead to him hamming it!)

Yes!! That's exactly what I was trying to express. Thank you.

Since having the conversation(s) with DD9, she seems to be better at dealing with emotional upset - as in, she pulls herself together sooner and calms down faster. I think this is because she understands that sensitivity isn't a "fault."

As a highly sensitive person myself, I've struggled in the past with feeling badly about my atypical reactions: "I'm such a baby" or "my friends must be right - there's something wrong with me" ...which makes the emotional event even more intense.

On the other hand, thinking to myself "it's ok, it's just a G&T thing" calms me down and soothes the angst. I'm no longer self-critical. I've noticed the same response from my daughter.

Interesting... it doesn't even matter whether or not our sensitivity comes from giftedness (my feeling is that for us it does, but whatever); attributing it to giftedness whether or not that's the true cause helps anyway.

Been there already, and we opted for disclosure. We explained to DD7 how her extreme emotional range is tied to her intellectual abilities. She hates the former one but values the latter, and understanding how they come as a packaged deal helps her come to terms with something she would otherwise see as a personal defect.

I'm also trying to help her see how emotions, properly channeled, can be a source of strength. It's passion for learning that fuels us to master new skills or materials, determination that pushes us on when it gets tough, etc.

The last piece of this puzzle is helping her learn to vent those emotions in acceptable ways when she feels out of control. She's been showing a lot of progress there lately.

I told Wolf that he's a lot like me and that I have to deal with being more sensitive than most people too. I told him I believe it's tied to how smart we are. It seems to have helped him. No one ever told me about giftedness (I was smart, but that's all there was to it) or that being as sensitive as I am is ok (as opposed to being tormented by/about it by other kids at school}. I always thought I was weird and a "baby" until I learned about giftedness and sensitivities as an adult.