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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 224
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 224 |
For the most part, I'd say that the boys who seem to be noticing dd are significantly older than she. She is, at this point, fine with the idea that she can't date a 16 y/o, for instance (she's 13), but I wonder how this works longer run. Being HG+, she doesn't seem to find peers easily (male or female) and thus tends to be drawn more to older people for friends. I worry that will be the same in the boyfriend department especially since the boys who notice her also seem to be quite a bit older.
Dh and I have quite an age difference ourselves, but I was 25 when we started dating. I see even a few years of age difference to be more problematic in teens. Thoughts on how HG girls who are often in classes and extracurriculars with older boys find boyfriends who are both intellectually and emotionally appealing and not way older? We've solved the problem for the time being by telling both our son and daughter that pairing off for dates is off-limits at this age. They hang out with groups of friends, and have some individual friends of both sexes, but dating isn't permitted at this point. They've been brought up with the expectation that they're not allowed to date until they're sixteen, so neither has pushed the issue. Given that my dd still thinks boys are mostly icky, she's not really interested anyway; my son figures it's too expensive and will get in the way of school and his music. Did I mention that we're big ol' geeks anyway? 
"I love it when you two impersonate earthlings."
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,007
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,007 |
The ramifications of some of those choices have been bad enough for their cousin, who never had plans to do much with her life anyway; for an ambitious and highly capable kid they could be disastrous. My teen mother cousin apparently outsourced her child-rearing duties to her parents. So that's one solution to the problem. Things seem fine for her, as far as I know. I guess her parents already raised four girls, so raising an extra one didn't seem to be a problem. My current thinking is that law school, with it's associated six figure debt and poor job prospects is actually a poorer life choice than teen pregnancy.
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1,783
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1,783 |
Instead of focusing on whether (or whom) she should date, what about making sure she is prepared with birth control and information about sex? If she is going to be sexually active, she may get pregnant with a 13 yr old boy.
It's actually pretty difficult for parents to control whom their kids hang out with. Restrictions on teens often lead to sneaking around. I think addressing the main issue of avoiding pregnancy and making safe choices around sex has a higher probability of being successful and maintaining communication with teens.
Last edited by Cathy A; 08/13/12 11:13 PM.
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181 |
Yes. We've never been of a mindset that thinks that some things "can't" happen because DD is so young.
That very definitely is a bonus of having a 13yo who has already seen high school biology and health topics via school, too.
It also comes under the heading of advice/guidance that we feel she MUST have whether it is particularly welcome or not.
We've also made it clear that, just as in other realms, lying/sneaking/obfuscation is punishable in ways that other actions aren't. It's always better to tell us the truth sooner.
Thus far, DD seems to prefer me to her dad in this realm; I'm less judgmental and a better listener, I think. I'm also not trying to "control" her behavior so much as influence it with rationality. I know from experience that nothing else works with my DD.
He can't calmly listen while his instincts are screeching at him that this is his little girl and he needs to keep the world at bay.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,641 Likes: 3
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,641 Likes: 3 |
An adolescent can read novels about the themes of love and marriage and draw some lessons. Elizabeth Kantor, the author of a recent book "The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After", discusses it at http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/313858/it-s-not-war-sexes-interviewIt’s Not a War of the Sexes: The insights of Jane Austen should not be lost. National Review August 14, 2012
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