Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Why did you choose NOT to accelerate?

Aiden was offered an immediate skip to Grade 1 now (after 4 months of the school year here). We turned it down for the following reasons:

1. Right now, he has zero trust in the school's ability to interest him with challenging work.
2. Once he adjusts to the change from K to Grade 1, the work would still not be challenging really aside from a few gaps
3. Emotionally right now due to 1 and 2 above he is a total mess and requires fewer expectations.

Our solution was home school: we are currently de-schooling and will continue to do so until he shows solidly that he is ready to do things of his own volition with enthusiasm again. Then we will most likely un-school until he actively requests (with fervent enthusiasm) formal courses and tutoring.

The school have agreed in principal that he can come back at any time and that they will then test to see which grade he should be in, but I honestly do not think that he will ever return to formal schooling before high school (grade 8 here)

My parents declined an offer for me to skip K because I already had friends in my class. I did not enjoy K but that had more to do with my teacher being a mean old lady who taught K for over thirty years and probably never once smiled at a child. I don't think I really learned much academically. I just learned to deal with the routines and boredom of being in school. I am still friends with the girls my parents wanted me to stick with. We now laugh about how horrible our teacher was. For example, she told us before Christmas break that our parents were lying and there really wasn't a Santa. There was also a now infamous class room incident where I was falsely accused and punished (spanking with paddle and no recess). The teacher wouldn't even listen to my side. I remember thinking it was so unfair! Anyway, my friends now joke that she made me what I am today. I am a criminal defense attorney.
So I guess even if you choose Not to accelerate and it goes horribly wrong, your kid might still learn some valuable lessons.

My parents chose not to accelerate me a grade in elementary school. I understand their reasons as best as I've managed to decipher them, but having lived through it, have to disagree with the decision.

1. I was young for my grade, second youngest in my class in fact.

I was already used to being younger than my other classmates. No one can predict when puberty will hit, girls vary give or take from 8-14.

2. I wasn't particularly physically adept.

I'm still clumsy, growing up hasn't changed that.

3. I was socially awkward.

Once again, growing up hasn't changed that. However I feel that being in situation where I was more engaged would have helped. I also got along with older children and with teachers better than I did with age peers.

Based on my experience we chose to accelerate Wolf and he is thriving.

However, to balance that out, I have a male acquaintance who was grade skipped and is vehemently against the practice because of it.

The gifted support teacher at our elem school has told us he'd support a full-grade skip for our oldest DS, who is MG, on the older end of his grade, and physically huge (5'6" at 10 yo). We aren't interested at the moment. Although he could be doing harder work, he's generally doing fine as we live in a high-achieving school district (more than 10% of class in gifted support, based solely on 98%+ IQ scores) and teachers are generally good about enrichment.

Honestly, the main reason we aren't interested is that we each have several friends who were grade-skipped as kids and each one of them says they wish they hadn't been. Sure, that was 20+ years ago, but it still resonates with me. And frankly, DS is MG, not PG, in which case the discussion could be totally different. I don't know if we're doing him a disservice, but it's what seems right at the moment.

MurphysMom, Those seem like very reasonable reasons to me. If you have about 10% of your class as peers, you should be in good enough company that school can be made to work well enough.

In the instance of our dd who we accelerated, I think that the GT coordinator who proposed it was right: it would have been very, very hard to come close to meeting her needs w/out the skip. I may be in the minority, but I consider a major intervention like a grade skip when other options aren't close to good enough. I.e. -- it isn't my first resort.

Re jack's mom's comment above, my grade skipped kiddo is not depressed and it was a good choice for her. We've had a tough year with a high school that has maybe five hours of homework/night and a poor kid who got stuck with some of the least liked teachers in the school in multiple subjects, but I don't expect that she would have loved this year anymore had she been a young 14 y/o rather than a young 13 y/o.

The three years prior were very good and, if next year turns out to be another one where quantity is the focus over quality, we're going to come up with something different. On the table include considerations that would essentially be more acceleration such as homeschooling with courses taken at college or an early entrance college program. We're trying to get past busy work and on to substance.

With DS-now-8 we've never got as formal as being "offered" a skip, but it's been made clear to us that this is a possible, even an expected on their side, option, and we've jointly discussed pros and cons a number of times. We haven't done it yet because (roughly in order of how big a part they play in the decision, which is more about the extent to which I'm convinced they're true than the extent to which I think they're important):

- in DS's strength areas a skip, or even two, wouldn't have solved the problem of his needing more challenge; and in all areas, I see the issue as more about pace than level, so I'm not convinced it would help all that much with anything

- and he was, and is, in fact getting good differentiation, and being challenged much of the time

- he has difficulty with handwriting (and typing) and would struggle to produce the output required after a skip

- he's pretty happy where he is, and we don't see a skip as likely to make him happier (in as far as he isn't, I think it's because he feels different, and I don't think he'd feel less different if he skipped, he'd just be differently different)

- his executive function etc. are age appropriate (sometimes I'd add, "at best", although he's doing better lately)

- we are considering sending him to a boarding school at 13; this may well not end up being the best option anyway, but a skip would rule it out, as I definitely don't see sending him to board while much younger than his fellow boarders. We'd rather keep that option open

- he quite enjoys sport, but he is small and not very skillful - tolerable where he is, but would be a problem if he skipped.

All that said, I don't rule out that we might do it in future, and I certainly wouldn't make a blanket recommendation against skipping - I think in many cases it's the right decision.

DD is not a good candidate due to socioemotional issues. I've never seriously considerd it, though if I HSed her I would certainly have her working 2-4 grades above level.

DS is only 4, and has not entered the system yet. I suspect he would be a very good candidate on the IAS. Actually, I can't think of a single reason why not. He is tall, fairly athletic, pretty even-keeled, and has great handwriting for a boy who just turned 4. The academcis are 100% there. However, I am theoretically pro-skip all the way, and yet find myself feeling anti-skip for my own kid. I guess all that anti-skip brainwashing dies hard.

Uh, wow. I am the OP in that thread, and my child IS NOT accelerated. Furthermore, I don't think anyone in the thread indicated that their child was accelerated. Actually, wait, someone did and then said that the problem got much better after a SECOND grade skip. In any case, correlation does not imply causation, folks. I'm angry on their behalf and on mine that you would come into that thread, lurk, and come in here to post about how they have screwed up their kids by accelerating.

I could and should have been skipped, even in a high performing district. My brother should have as well (esp. him--he had a September birthday and was old for grade). I did not learn anything in language arts/reading until AP English my senior year of high school, and even at the time, even though math was not my strength, I also remember wanting to bang my head on the desk until I finally got to take algebra in 8th grade. (of course I didn't because I was a teacher-pleasing, well behaved girl).

We are currently requesting my dd11 to skip 6th grade. After seeing her melt-down yesterday after not understanding her math homework immediately, (after she calmed down and with some explanation she was able to do it in less than 10 minutes) I am more convinced than ever that the kid needs to be challenged appropriately, and that if she isn't skipped that won't happen. I want her to learn how to work BEFORE she gets to college.

Guess what--middle schoolers (or younger)--esp. HG/PG ones, may face some depression, skip or no skip. (See James Webb's stuff on this) Every kid is different, and I would guess that the parents here are putting a tremendous amount of thought and effort into these choices, and it seems clear to me, anecdotally that the majority of kids here who have skipped have had positive experiences.

We've been through this before here on this board but then it was round and round over radical acceleration or early college families.  Someone said that even in the gifted forums the early college families had to have a private forum because of all the Judgy McJudgersons.  
There's a bunch of paperwork by people who study this stuff who say acceleration does more good than harm than was previously assumed (I'm thinking a nation decieved and the Iowa acceleration scale- somebody thinks acceleration should not be dismissed out of hand).  


OP, I don't know if you just want stories or if you welcome thoughts and opinions but choosing to skip or not skip totally depends on your lifestyle.  It's great to hear other peoples real life experience but don't forget to find a copy of the Iowa acceleration scale which uses research to help you decide if it is likely to work as well for you.

Eta: when I said lifestyle I was thinking like rural people might skip grades where urban people might shop around from school to school. Also if your kid's involved in age based stuff like church and scouts and the same core group of friends is there that's in school... And that kind of thing. I'm not actually sure what's in the IAS besides that the kid gets veto power if the adults decide on a skip, and it takes into account siblings ages/grades.