As many of you were so helpful when I was here talking about the behavior problems my DS was having at Montessori, I thought I'd give an update. Just a quick recap: he was getting in trouble for not following rules, having disinterest in his peers, and even hitting and kicking!
Basically, he was very difficult to have in the classroom. The Montessori teacher and head of the school were pushing for us to investigate medication.
As of right now, we are pulling DS out of the Montessori and he'll stay home with me until he starts the new preschool (a private gifted school) in the fall. I am looking forward to his last day, honestly, because every day he is there I am just waiting for a phone call to go and pick him up.
But he is really trying, and since we improved communications with the school (thanks, in no small part, to Grinity's suggestion to provide them with a short little daily sheet to fill out for us) and started providing incentives for him to follow the rules, things have gotten a bit better. I am glad he can at least end his Montessori experience on a more positive note and at a natural break. But... yeah, he won't be coming back.
We asked our pediatrician for a recommendation to a behavior specialist, and she referred us to a pediatric psychologist. The psych met with us, and then later met with DS. I thought she seemed a bit cold at first, but she was fine and DS seemed to like her. I wasn't there for most of the evaluation time she had with DS, so I don't know everything that she did with him.
I just got a call from the psych with the results of her evaluation. She told me that DS was "very unique". She did a few tests (mostly play-based, I believe) and concluded that he was
very highly gifted and also quite strong willed and self-directed. The combination, she explained, really made it not at all surprising that DS was having trouble in a preschool setting.
My husband and I were both surprised that she thought DS was so highly gifted. She talked about his language skills, his memory, and "incredible inferences" that he was able to make. We were also surprised as how she seemed to attribute much of his behavior issues to his giftedness. For example, it made sense to her that he wasn't interested in other children, but he did like interacting with adults.
The fact that he is so strong willed/stubborn and self-directed means that when he is involved in a project that he is interested in (usually of his own making) then he does NOT want to be pulled away to do something else. And this is where the "bad behavior" shows up. She could see him engaging in what she called "power struggles" even during her evaluation.
OK... and here is the part that will be keeping me up at night. She was glad to hear we are pulling him out of the Montessori, as that obviously isn't working for him. She is glad that we are sending him to a private gifted school (it is one she is familiar with) for the fall. HOWEVER... she told me that school might always be a major challenge for DS. His level of intelligence (and, again, I'm skeptical that she could really thoroughly evaluate his level of intelligence in the hour that she had with him) and his personality (strong-will and self directed) might make it extremely difficult to find a school that will work for him.
Not.
What.
I.
Wanted.
To.
Hear.
But... I'm also not surprised. You all have warned me of this many times on this board. But, I really didn't expect to hear those words from a psychologist. Especially one that seemed rather conservative.
Once again, I am typing a post here on this board while feeling exhausted and bewildered. Sorry if I am rambling or this doesn't make sense.
My husband is also in a bit of shock. He confided in my that he felt extremely guilty for even for a moment considering the recommendation of medication when the behavior issues appear to be due to a combination of personality and intelligence.
Thanks for letting me talk this all out here. I really don't know what to take from all of this. The psychologist wants to keep tabs on DS, but no therapy or treatment is needed. She said that if he has any problems at the new preschool in the fall that we need to get him in to see her (or a few other references she gave us). She made me feel like he will likely have problems at the new school... or any school for that matter. That the gifted school was great and they may be able to do well with him... but that he is well beyond 'gifted' and there really aren't
any schools that are prepared to handle a kid like him.
Whaat? Really?!
I feel both validated and depressed. Mostly, though, just emotionally drained.
I really want to believe this private gifted school can indeed handle him, encourage him, and keep him engaged. I believe they've had a few PG kids pass through their doors. But... I think the psych was saying problem (if you can call it that) is not just how off-the-charts he is but also that he has such a strong-willed and self-directed personality. Challenging combo, to say the least.
Thank you for listening. I know many of you here understand what we are going through, and I so appreciate your support and feedback. This message board feels like the only place where I can talk so openly about these things.