Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion I don't know what to do.

I had no idea how to start this thread except honestly. I'm lost, I don't know what to do.

I hope this is the correct forum, I just registered in my blind search for answers on the net.

My son is 7, in 2nd grade, will be 8 in the summer.
He has ALL the characteristics. He tested at the end of 1st grade last year and did not pass. Close, but no cigar. It is common for him to test poorly.

I am currently TRYING to get him out of public school & into a charter, both have wonderful reviews, numbers & reputation. We are on waiting lists.

The problem: He's giving up.
1.) He is such a perfectionist he takes forever to get his "creative" work done & gets bad scores for it.
2.) He is daydreaming/failing to stay on task & is getting in trouble repeatedly.
3.) He is getting nothing but negativity so rather than TRY...he just quits.

I feel like I'm in a losing battle & I just want to cry. He NEEDS someone to see what's going on so he can get the help/encouragement he needs. *I* know what's happening - rather than fail or get more cross words he's just refusing to move forward. Why do it when it's beinging nothing but headache? Know what I mean?
Meanwhile, the teachers have seen it in him but can only do so much with 29 other students in their care AND without a passing gifted test.

I don't know what to do. I don't want him to fall through the cracks.

If you can afford it or your insurance covers it, consider getting a private testing/eval done. We did it, and it showed that my daughter has slow processing speed (amongst other things), which now that we have it on paper, can be accounted for in school testing. They can also help him with these issues in school if they know they exist.

My ds (now 12) was very much like your ds in 2nd grade, and we thought all those same things... he was giving up, he was a perfectionist, etc. And we were way off the mark in what we thought vs what was really going on with him. By the end of 2nd grade he become so extremely anxious about school that we took him for a neuropsych eval at the recommendation of our pediatrician, and we found out he had a previously undiagnosed disability which was really what was at the root of all the "giving up", daydreaming etc - he couldn't do the work, but we were knew him at home as the extremely intellectual being that he is - because when he was at home, no one was expecting him to write anything.

There may be a reason he's "refusing to move forward" - if it was me, I'd seriously consider getting a private veal. If it shows nothing - that's really really good - you can move forward knowing it really is just refusal to do the work. But if you discover there's more to it, you'll be very glad you found out now and you'll have an opportunity to get good input on how to move forward to help your ds.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Thank you to you both for responding - I think I thought my email would alert me to responses so I hadn't been back to check! Oops!!

Well, the school tested him and I didn't know. So now I need to find out if they will take "an outside" test (if he fails) because typically they only allow testing once a year. I was hoping to pull the trigger before the month is up & then he came home saying he took one.

He takes it personally that he doesn't get the enrichment (gifted) homework yet he makes simple mistakes on things I KNOW he knows. His mind isn't on his work. I feel like what I know as a mom isn't good enough because he can't "prove" it.

I could go on & on about my gut instincts but I'm sure everyone has heard it before. I just want to KNOW he's getting the support and attention he needs. And it's frustrating because I cannot prove he needs it. They just see him as a slacker.

If they came into my home & saw the bedroom stacked with fictional character bio's & drawings, they'd know slacking isn't the issue. He doesn't watch tv, he sits & creates for hours on end. Ugh...I'm rambling.

From what you describe, including the part about it being common for him to test poorly, I'd want an evaluation beyond just an IQ test, one that looked carefully at the possibility that he might be 2E.

My personal experience with this would indicate that you are better off getting a private neuropsychological evaluation than relying on the school to find any issues. YMMV.

What type of test did the school give him? I'd agree that he can't take the same test again within a year, but there is no reason that he can't be given a different test. Especially if they used a group test like the OLSAT or CogAT, those are notorious for coming out with different results for many gifted kids than an individually administered IQ test. They are also, technically, meant to be screening tools not intelligence tests.