Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion A vent- totally annoyed today

Hyperventilating?

You know, I spend some time debating with people about important decisions I make for my family that aren't very popular, but I only do it when I feel like it. And I usually only do it if I feel like I want to hear different perspectives in order to check them against my own and see if they make more sense.

(I can accidentally rile people up this way when I open up topics for debate... I lost a fb friend the other day because she apparently didn't like my views on unschooling and homeschooling and didn't recognize that I was, very politely, simply debating with her and not attacking her or anyone else personally.)

Anyway, if I don't want other opinions, I just clearly let it be known that my decision is non-negotiable and that people are not welcome to offer their opinion. This works quite well.
(The only time it doesn't work is when I am still doubting myself. You have show you've made your choice and stand by it with conviction. They can totally smell self-doubt.)

So I just recommend being assertive when standing by your choice and then change the subject.

Also, when you act with conviction, people will start coming to you for advice on the very thing they might have tried to lecture you about before. It's interesting.

My wife and I have found that discussions about your child's education are best kept secrets like someone's sexual preference was in the 1950's.

Most of the people that you meet will have gone through a typical school, when you mention you aren't going to go that route with your own child they often just assume that are insulting them... after all if it was good enough for me why shouldn't it be good enough for you.

So now we have decided that the easiest way to deal with it is to not talk about it with people unless we know they have the same issues or opinions... no reason to open a door when you know what's behind it.

I don't think most people have a clue what it's like to over-agonize about every single decision you have to make and have made about these kids. It's easy to think everything is clear cut and simple when you're not living it. I know I certainly had a lot of preconceived ideas about the things my kids are now going through and I'm ashamed to admit that I made snap judgements about people when I didn't know enough about their circumstances to begin with.

Personally I just have to remind myself that they simply aren't in my situation, and hope that they never have the misfortune to be (my kids have medical issues too).

I wonder how much all this agonizing over our children and each decision we make on their behalf has to do with our own perfectionism issues. Probably a lot. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, after all.

Hitching a ride on the vent channel.

I have found that as I progress through, there are many different channels that make me want to adapt or "fix" the path for my kid. School is one, but it turned out there was something else too.

If you don't fit the square peg, you just don't fit and it feels like you are climbing a sheer wall and wonder why.

I can quote IQ test scores, but my kid is going to be different from most kids described on this site and my situation is different. But what is similar is that I have decided to fight for my kid to have options. However that translates in the years ahead. And my path to provide options is different, due to circumstances.

I talked to a school today, I thought I would never talk to a few years ago. A Montessori for grades 5 & 6, because they were so open to accelerating her and they had Mandarin as a core subject, which works for me. Anyway, I was just venting. It is a pain to have a highly gifted child. Highly gifted in unique ways. But so amazing to have as mine too.

Ren

Amazedmom,
As a mom who felt strongly that my little DD should be homeschooled after the nightmare introduction to formal education for her in preschool, but who listened to everyone else and sent her to K anyway, pulled her out halfway to practically save her, homeschooled the rest of the year and 1st grade also, but sent her back to 2nd after a move to a different place, now in 3rd and struggles don't go away easily as you can tell from so many of these posts...I say, stick with your instincts to keep her home for K and go from there. If you are prone to headaches you'll get really sick with the stress that comes dealing with "the system" if it gets sticky. Vacations and summers here are so great when we are disconnected from school - phew! Have fun with your DD.

Can I vent too? Dh and I have been discussing options for DS12, who despite a grade skip to 7th grade mid school this past fall, is bored out of his mind. I've been researching subject compacting and plan to bring up the possibility of this and also of subject acceleration to the high school.

This sounded like a grand plan until I spoke with a friend who's HG daughter has read one book this year and has yet to learn one new concept thus far in the freshman honors language arts class.

Aargh!

DW has made the same insight about moms vs non-moms. Very true.

As for the visit. The Doc is used to being the expert. Let her drink the kool-aid first, then it will be easier to teach her. Your child will sell themselves if the Doc becomes an observer and not the expert!

This is a SENG article that pertains to pediatricians and how some tend to misunderstand giftedness and what it entails. http://www.sengifted.org/archives/a...octor-fit-in-the-care-of-gifted-children

A pediatrician is not an expert on giftedness nor other conditions; they're generalists. My eg/pg DS6 was born 2E with some severe physical stuff, which thank goodness were treatable.

There are some doctors who will consider or listen to what a parent has to say or a mother's intuition/instinct and knowledge, but unfortunately I haven't found it to be the norm and I cannot tell you how many professionals (doctors, specialists, therapists, etc.) we've seen with my son. I've found that many doctors like to be considered the expert or authority; they like to be in control. Some doctors tend to get ruffled when a parent has taken the initiative to learn or research more than beyond their knowledge base; and today this is totally possible in some cases with the Internet and networking with other parents on the Internet. I've done it myself with my son's stuff and you are doing it now with giftedness.

Another article you might take a look at concerns pg guilt and how parents often feel a mixed of emotions in dealing with a pg child/ren. http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10115.aspx

Although the article is about pg kids, I think it's still somewhat applicable or at least adaptable to other gifted kids. PGness is just at the extreme end of the gifted spectrum. I think many parents of gifted kids go through the agonizing decision-making process because there are other issues involved and it seems more at stake (see SENG article). It's more than just placing your child in a school or with a certain teacher; it's more complicated.