Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Behavior Issues in 3-year-old

My three year old son is likely pretty gifted. He was reading at 2, he's great at math, has an adult-like sense of humor, etc. He currently attends a pre-school that is supposed to be one of the best in our area. He goes just mornings five days a week.

Unfortunately, in the past month he's been having a lot of behavior issues. He's been pushing and hitting other kids. Sometimes he is even yelling at the teachers. I've had to go and pick him up early a few times. It's been rough.

The teacher suggested to me that part of the problem is the fact that he is so bright. He does great one-on-one with the teacher, and even in small groups. But in big groups he seems to just get frustrated and want attention. I'm not totally sure this is indeed related to his intelligence, but that was the assessment of his teacher.

His teacher suggested that this particular preschool may not be the best fit for him. They don't have the resources to challenge him (her words). This surprised me because I didn't think a 3 year old really needed to be academically challenged - he needs to develop friendships and learn to share. She is strongly encouraging us to check out a Montessori school.

I don't know a lot about Montesorri. The local school I've read about has a bit of a hippie-ish vibe. (Which is fine, I've been described as a bit crunchy. The hubs, not so much. LOL!) They don't have smaller classrooms or more teachers, so I don't know if this would be any better than the current situation.

I hate to uproot my son from the preschool where he has friends and is used to the routines just to place him somewhere else that may have the same issues. We are going to observe the Montesorri classroom this Friday to see what we think of it. Also, we plan to enroll him in a public school 4K next fall. Another reason why I wonder if we should just "tough this out". Do you think having him in more than a half-day would be beneficial?

I'd love to hear any thoughts on this.

He may or may not need to be academically challenged - so kids absolutely need that to behave well at school, but for sure he needs to have classmates he can relate to as an equal. He may not be getting that in his current bunch of 'agemates.' That may not actually exists, but ask yourself:

If you had a 6 year old, with the emotional coping skills of a 3 year old, forced to socialize with 3 year olds, forced to be treated like a 3 year old by the teachers, and given nothing of interest academically in return might they not 'revert' to pushing and yelling?

It's certianly worth giving other schools a try! But before you get to that step, can the current school try putting him with 4 or 5 year olds for a trial and see what his behavior does then?

Best Wishes,
(Heaven reserves a special place for moms of kids who are 'preschool behavior problems!' I'll see you there when the time comes, ok?)

Grinity

I'm going to go pick up my 2.5 year old at daycare where she has been refusing to participate in group activities. The teacher says she thinks my daughter "looks down" on the other kids.

I know that's not any kind of advice... but sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone. I'll be researching and trying to remedy the situation at the same time you are.

The Montessori where Mr W was at said he was playing rough with the other kids.

Another reason we moved him up with older kids.

http://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Revised/dp/0465016901

I am deep into reading all of Dr Miller's works. I agree with her that leaving kids in these kinds of environments is abuse.

My son and my neice both changed preschools and were settled in within a week. It's an adaptable age, friends-wise.

Also, to some degree, hitting/pushing/biting are normal behaviors. Not socially acceptable, perhaps, but developmentally normal.

My 3 year old DS attends a Montessori pre-school 2 mornings a week and tolerates/enjoys being with the 5 year olds (at times he describes them as silly) - given a choice he would prefer to stay at home. There is plenty of scope for academic challenge on the days he feels like it, and there is the sandpit etc for the days he doesn't. Not sure what will happen next year though when the 5 year olds head off to school...

Thanks, everyone! Well, we ended up pulling him out of the preschool because the administration was making it pretty clear that they couldn't (didn't want to??) meet his needs. Also, to me he just didn't seem happy there and I didn't want him somewhere that he wasn't happy. We just want a safe and fun place for him to make friends.

Today is the first day of Montessori - it's a half day, actually, meant to be an intro for him. My daughter (18 months) is starting Montessori too. To me honest, I'm having some reservations about this place. I have a lot to learn about Montessori, but maybe someone can help me out here --- for a kid that has a very active imagination and lots of creativity, is Montessori a good fit?

My son said a few of things in the presence of his teacher. He likes to joke and he loves imaginative play. She wasn't exactly amused by his brand of humor and actually "corrected" him. Here is just one example, he took some beads on a rope (there is a proper term from them, but I forget) and draped them over his neck. He said "What a lovely necklace. I'm a pretty girl!" He then giggled. (OK, it's not his best joke, but he thought it was pretty funny.) The directress said "No, those are not necklaces. And you are a boy." Not even a smile. No humor. My son took off the beads and put them back and said "It was a JOKE." She ignored this. So I don't know if his personality and her personality are going to mesh well.

I dunno what to think about anything anymore... would a class clown personality do OK in a Montessori environment? Is this just the teacher being humorless, or is Montessori culture sort of rigid?

If this doesn't work, or if he has behavior issues here, I want to just pull him out of preschool all together and wait until the public school 4k. I love his creative and funny personality, and I'd hate for it to get "corrected" all day long.

I have a feeling they will have a low tolerance for any hitting and pushing issues too - but with older classmates (he's the youngest in a 3-6 classroom), I am hoping that behavior won't surface.

I know any parent can relate to this - you just want what is best for your kid and there are no easy answers.

I'd love to hear any thoughts on this, and above all I really appreciate getting to "vent" here. Thanks for listening.

I doubt it since most preschoolers spend the afternoons eating, napping, and doing nonstructural activities.

Go with your gut.

We pulled Mr W out of his Montessori school for reasons similar to this.

Hmmmmm...I would say that bead comment is a personality thing and nothing to do with Montessori. I know they are in line with Alfie Kohn's opinion re: praise--but I cannot imagine any teacher at my kids' school responding that way to a kid making a joke, esp. on the first day. There are lots of funny imaginative kids who are thriving at my kids' school.

Montessori has been a wonderful fit for my MG-HGish, teacher pleasing 10 yr. old dd. She has been able to work at her level (although there are times when she could have been more challenged) and has been very happy.

So far it is our best option for 4 yr old dd (I suspect more gifted that dd10--but didn't fully cooperate with testing on WPPSI so according to testing she is MG)--last year was great when she was the youngest...this year is good...I don't know what it would be like for her as the oldest in the class and I know I would have to really advocate for her to be appropriately challenged. But the teachers at my kids school are flexible and I think would be willing to work with her.

I think it *can* be rigid, and if you have a kid who is PG I can see where there are issues. But I think there are also good teachers who are open to meeting the kids' needs differently.

Good luck!