Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sex Ed discussions

This was a good time to share those books with me. �I was concerned with being embarrassed by him using the correct terms. �Yesterday I visited with a pregnant teenager. �I'm taking to heart what you said PTP, "answer them when they're 4 so they'll talk to you when they're 14". �I just needed a little guidance and research. � I like that the two books recommended here will answer all his questions including peeing and all the details and that one of them explained appropriate and inappropriate places to touch and explains which things are "for later". �I'm sure it's less embarrassing to continue "the talk" over time than suddenly having the talk when it matters. �I was worried. �Now I'm not.
I'm sure a lot of parents will deflect the questions "until you are older". �That's fine. �I wanted to answer his questions already but I just wasn't sure how. �He knows beer, coffee, and driver's liscenses aren't for kids.

I personally think that it's best to find out about these things before you are 11 or 12, which was the time I found out (after elementary school).

I think I was more focused on the physical science, such as cosmology and chemistry, than the life sciences. And it never occurred to my parents to tell me.

My mom was known to hit the bottle a lot when I was kid so she often slurred her words in our evening conversations.

Because of this, for years I thought boys had a "peanuts." And I swear I never saw Charles Schwab's comic in the same light.

I say this is as an example of how NOT to tell your kids.

"Eeeeewwwww!"

"Don't worry, honey, you don't have to do that until you're married."

My dd had the exact same reaction. I explained that it was a little like telling someone the mechanics of eating. Open your mouth, grind your food with your teeth, mixing with saliva, use your tongue.... (you get the point ) We had a good laugh and she got the picture that it's more fun than it sounds.

Don't you have to talk to girls around 7 or 8 anyway because puberty is starting earlier?

I agree very strongly with PTP. DD asked when she was 4, because we had a pregnant friend and it made her start thinking and worrying about being pregnant (the things these kids think of). I explained it without huge detail, but enough and with 'real' words. One question led to another (because of course she wanted to know why she couldn't get pregnant at her age etc, etc) and so we talked about puberty, sex and pregnancy. I described the p - v aspect and ultimately called it a 'special kind of hug' (though I covered why it was different to other kinds of hugs - knowing full well she'd start worrying about 'hugs') and that she will be in control of when it happens (she incidentally, has declared she will never have that kind of hug).

I think it's so important - especially for girls (I know I say that here a lot!) - to understand the real names for their body parts, that their genitals are nothing to be ashamed of and to understand that they own and are in charge of their bodies. You can't empower kids without giving them information.

Here's a link to an Australian Govt web page on talking about sex with young kids, inc the realities of sex education (i.e. "research indicates that children who have a clear understanding of sexual issues are more likely to behave responsibly, for example, waiting until they are older before they start having sex, and choosing to use contraceptives") and how to deal with experimentation:

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Sex_education_preschoolers?open

I attended a lecture years ago about this topic. And one of the things discussed was how to deal with young kids touching themselves in the privates or masturbating. It can start at 1, the latter. And she mentioned talking to them about how it feels good but we do these things in private. So I always used regular names for body parts though it does get into the "bathroom humor" stage.

And someone's analogy about farm kids and animals was well put, but I think there is also peer pressure. Did anyone see an article, it was in a Parent's magazine here, that kids grades -- as they get older -- are reflective of who their peers are, rather than parental influence. Not saying 100% of kids, since some are leaders, but maybe it is the same for sexual experimentation or drugs.

But I do agree that talking with your child early and honestly, as my mother talked to me about sex, not the mechanics, but how it can be pleasureable, but also the consequences as a woman, the pregnancy, being a mother young, and I did not have sex early.

Ren

haha this made me laugh.

thanks everyone - I think I know what to say next time it comes up.