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Sorry for this repeat post... I posted this in General Discussions but realized this was a more appropriate place to post:

This is a question that I am embarrassed to ask anyone for various reasons but I am really curious.

My DD (21 months) and I had a mom and her DD (3 years old) over yesterday. The 3 year old went over to a shape chart (that we had long discarded in the corner because DD learned shapes around 18 months) and started asking what the shapes were. My DD answered, including trapezoid, octagon, ect. The 3 year old didn't even know square or triangle. The 3 year old is smart, she just didn't know these. I didn't ask if the mom hadn't exposed her to shapes before because obviously that would have been rude.

My question is: can non-gifted kids learn the shapes, colors, letters, letter sounds when they are really little too but most are just not exposed to it? Or does it just take them longer to learn? It seems so easy for DD to learn things (after exposure just a few times) and I don't know why and can't understand why other kids (even older) don't know them. How can an entire year (kindergarden) be dedicated to learning this info? I can't tell/don't know if my DD is "gifted" or if I am just exposing her to materials other parents aren't. She is my only child so I don't have another child of mine to compare her to. My closest nephews to her (3 and 4 years old) don't know many things she does but I can't tell if they don't know it because they were never exposed to it or if this is stuff that is hard to learn. None of her friends are talking much but she is talking in 5-6+ word sentences but could she just be talking so much because she loves me reading to her and we read so often? She is obsessed with space and knows all of the planets and talks about things orbiting (including her food that she "orbits" around her placemat), and constellations and wants to draw lines to stars to connect them and make constellations. She loves new words (her current being "fiasco" from a Fancy Nancy book. Can other toddlers learn these things but they just can't speak as well so no one knows? Or could they learn it if they were exposed to it and they just aren't? If kids can learn things so young and it is so easy for them to learn it, why aren't these things taught when they are younger?
DD learned the shapes, colors, letters (in order), letter sounds, counting, ect. before or around 18 months. She learned the body parts so young and seemed bored so my housekeepers daughter taught them all to her in Spanish. My mother was with DD at a hotel (when DD was 20 months) and a older kid was playing with her. The kids ended up realizing she knew Spanish and started asking her questions. DD replied (they asked her where her head was in Spanish) and corrected their pronunciation.
Can all kids learn this so young but they just are not exposed to it? I am seriously wondering. I don't mind if DD is not considered "gifted" but I really want to know why other kids don't know these things so young. Does my DD learn things quicker and absorb more, or is it just that she is exposed to these things that other kids aren't? Can other kids learn this stuff too and they are just not exposed to it?

My not-professional understanding is that gifted children at that age are driven to explore and understand the world around them at a much deeper level than their peers. So while it's perfectly reasonable to introduce these things to a non-gifted child, there's no guarantee they'll learn it as well, because the gifted child might be captivated, and the non-gifted child might not be.

But even among gifted children, you might find some where shapes are completely boring and uninteresting, and they're even more tuned out/turned off than a non-gifted child, but something else will grab them and motivate them.

Just my two cents.

I agree with the Dude.

My 18-month-old that knew all of that stuff is three years old now. In my experience, some kids are just not exposed to that stuff at an early age. They are not interested, and good parents follow their babies' interests. And, then some kids, like ours, gravitate towards this type of learning at an early age.

For me, it wasn't that DD could learn letters, colors, shapes, etc. at 18 months, it was that she seemed to be hungry for the rote memorization that these things provided. And, it continued. I felt like we had to feed her need to memorize up until about 2.5. Then, in the span of about one month, reading, counting, and math really clicked. Coincidentally, at about this same time she became interested not so much in just memorizing, but thinking critically about science and history. Now, she still memorizes a lot, but we are blown away by what she can understand.

My DD cannot do jigsaw puzzles very well. Because she does not gravitate toward them, we do not expose her to many puzzles. So, her exposure to puzzles is low BECAUSE she is not very good at them.

You are correct - it's way to soon to know for sure. Just have fun doing what comes naturally to you and DD.
Probably some of both. I believe that Mothers know in their hearts what makes their child happy. And Mothers want to make their little babies happy. If you were Mom to some of these other children, you would suggest some things, and the child would indicate if she or he was interested in some subtle way and you'd move on to suggest some other types of activities.

I've really valued the opportunity to watch my son's friends grow up. They each are different in their interests and beautiful in their own way. One friend is super at figuring out how to 'add fun' to any play. Each child IS a gift - it's true, and yet not all children are gifted.

I was very interested and confused about this topic when my son was a toddler and preschooler. I was proud that I had 'made him this way' and sad that I had 'made him different from his peers.' I wrote a few letters to the editor sharing my 'fabulous ideas' for fun toddler activities. It used to drive me nuts, specifically, that all the peer moms read only simple books to their children. If only they realized that 3 year old could love books like Wizard of Oz, and Phantom Tollbooth. Over the years I look back with incredulity that I really believed that other 3 year olds were going to sit still for those sorts of books. I remember reading 'The Lorax' during Dr. Suess week at my son's daycare. I still shake to think of the longest 15 minutes of my life! DSs sat in my lap and lectured the 3 or 4 year olds on the meanings of words or phrases that weren't obvious, in the same exact intonation I used with him for that purpose, as if this was the most interesting thing in the world, and wouldn't they feel great to learn this? On every page. The peers were struggling to sit still, and clearly (to me, not to DS) wanted it to be over! I found it so painful to keep going, and tried to keep DS from 'contributing' because it was so very clear that this wasn't working for the other kids. I think I was having a flashback to my school days when my peers looked at me blankly. I asked myself: "Why hadn't I known to read 'hop on pop?!?"

Being inidentified gifted can make a person do dumb things. DS was as convinced as I was that his peers would love the story and the 'insider tips' - it was heartbreaking. I wished that a hole would open in the primary colored rug and I could dissapear into it.

Later I got to have more conversations with his friends, and I realized - My genetics had way more to do with it than my parenting. It's very common for little apples to fall nearby their trees. Now I take pride in my parenting for how my son's character is turning out, and I'm super proud of that. And I do include 'what he does with his natural abilites' as part of character.

Hope that helps,
Grinity

I'd say the cause and effect is a little backwards there... she's not good at them because her exposure is low, and her exposure is low because she's really not interested in them.

My daughter made learning letters/shapes/colors/numbers look easy, but we turned it into games, so it never really seemed like a big deal to us. For instance, I'd play a game with her during bath time where she'd be surrounded by tub toys and I'd say, "Show me something purple." When she got to the point where she'd pick up something orange and hold it up with a silly grin on her face, we knew she had it, and she was ready to move onto something new.

Where she really showed her difference was when she'd ask a deeper question, we'd answer the question, and it just wasn't enough... she wanted MORE. My wife used to punt the tough ones to me, so I'd come home and get something like, "What happens to food when you eat it?" So I'd sit her down with me at the computer and pull up images of the digestive system, point out the different parts, and give her a brief description of what each part does. Several times over the next few weeks she'd come back to the same question, and I'd sit her down again and go over the material again. I'm pretty sure she was just trying to get everything out of me she could, and once I stopped saying anything new about it, she moved on.

So there she is for a checkup at three years old, she spots a poster in the doctor's office, and says, "Look, Mom! Small intestine, large intestine, ppppbbblllttt!" And the doctor just looks at them both. That's the gifted child difference in a nutshell.

You never knew what was going to fire her curiosity. One time she was upset about all the rules and complained about how we could do anything we wanted, and I mentioned jail. I can't tell you how weird it is to be spending time with a 3yo who can't seem to get enough of staring at pictures of prison cells.

I think my first clue that my son was following his own developmental path and that it was far different from his peers should have been when the other Mommies complained about 'no adult conversation' while I felt that my son - even before he could speak - was more present, alert, interested and interesting intellectually-speaking than 99% of the adults in my life.

Should have been. But no. I imagined that all the other little kids were having deep conversations with their Moms in private just like us. LOL@me!

Love and more love,
Grinity

HA Annette! poor teacher!!

I'm replying without reading pp's, so if I ditto anyone, excuse me.

My thoughts on it are that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

There are shapes, colors, numbers and words everywhere in sight from the time a child's eyes fully focus.
If they aren't curious about these things, they may not be inclined to retain any knowledge passed on to them.

Gifted children are highly curious and also have awesome memories, so learn these things earlier than their age-peers.

DD was really interested in them before she knew them, but once she learned them, she was ready to move on. Thats why (I am assuming) she has been through so many different "themes". Animal sounds from 6 weeks (yes weeks!)-10 months, farms/farm animals (when she was 11-13months), wild animals (14-17 months), underwater/ocean animals (18-20), and now space. Once she learns everything I have to offer, she seems to find a new "theme". It's really been interesting to watch and she gets totally consumed.

Did your kids do something like this? Or is this a bit odd? If they did, where did you get the info for them? I have just been buying books/ watching you tube with her and have learned a lot along with her while trying to show her new animals and explain things.
The things she has always been interested in and stayed interested in are numbers/letters/words/books.

I think "giftedness" is as complex and individual as people themselves. Alot of it has to do with interest (passion even), readiness to learn, the speed at which they seem to process the information, the depth and breadth of their questions, etc.

I still take it for granted that all children would be able to read at least simple books like Green Eggs and Ham when they ENTER kindergarden. Apparently this is NOT the norm. But I also don't get it. Even if you barely interact with your child, how hard is it to park them in front of Sesame St or Dora instead of Spongebob or Rugrats? Or even pop in a Baby Einstein DVD?

I sew and craft for a living and DD8 has always really LOVED to go to the fabric store with me. She can give you a whole range of names for shade of colors (salmon, hot pink, fuschia, magenta, etc). DD4.5 was an early talker, how early, I don't actually remember, lol? But I was ALWAYS explaing what I was doing "I'm choosing some delicious broccoli for dinner, let's put it in the cart. What else should we buy?" You know the drill. She is quite the wordsmith and is very precise in descriptions. I can absolutely see the influence of choices I have made...but if they weren't "gifted", they would just absorb the info, I feel. Acceptance vs questioning is the difference I think...