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How easily do your kids follow social norms?

How about you?


I am really hoping DD does a better job than I do. My husband lost his job and I was contemplating trying to find a job, too, but I feel so uncomfortable with all of it. I hate every step of it. I hate the way they weed people out. I hate all the conventions... like the resume, the qualifications needed, how you have to dress, how you are supposed to act and not act...

I've been reading all these great books (the last of which was Real Education) and watching talks and such, and I do really wish things were set up the way all the idealists talk about. How great would it be if you could take a test to get certified for most careers and / or if you could submit a portfolio of work you've done? You could still go to college, but you'd also have to make sure you actually know your stuff.

The thought of work politics leaves me feeling nauseous and happy I get to be a SAHM right now. Though I will go get a job waitressing or something if I have to.

I keep thinking of that guy in Outliers who couldn't succeed in life because he lacked social skills. So maybe that is just my problem. I don't know if I just don't want to conform or if I am afraid I'm not going to do well if I try to conform.

(Or maybe lazy because I don't want to "pay my dues" and jump through hoops to get somewhere working for someone else? I read a book one time that basically said - When you work for someone else, your like a goose laying golden eggs and giving them all away for a set salary. Why not keep them and use them yourself? I really really can't get it out of my head.)

Obviously falling in with social norms is about more than just work... it is everything. For kids, I guess it is knowing the right things to say and not say, dressing the right way, or maybe just an overall positive attitude when contemplating the status quo and the ability to easily fit in and be well-liked by most other children.

So... Having trouble with social norms: gifted problem or personality trait issue?

You mean "do I argue with other people about religion and politics for my own personal amusement?"

Not anymore.

People don't like that.

It makes them grunty.

lol
My husband does NOT like that I do those types of things either. I've also been known to say things out loud that most people just wouldn't. It makes everyone feel awkward or makes them think I'm awkward. Except I know exactly what I'm doing and I do it to see how other people will react. Once in awhile I get lucky and an interesting conversation ensues.

I've been informed by my husband that that is just rude and inconsiderate (and awkward). Maybe it is and maybe I'm awkward for not noticing or caring if it was.
So, I have been trying to tone it down. No point being awkward.

That falls under the "social skills" area.

It's possibly useful in a police interrogation, but unlikely to be useful in a corporate work environment.

Or any normal work environment that requires interactions with supervisors, co-workers, and/or the general public on more than a "never" basis.

lmao

I know I am supposed to care, but I seldom do. I cared a whole lot growing up, but now 99.8% of the time I am genuinely happy being an introverted homebody. This is a part of that .2% where I'm thinking, "Knowing how to do this would be helpful right about now."
I have, in the past, done what I needed to do to get by. I've worked my fair share of crappy jobs and I did go to college and get, so far, 80 credits.

And yet... how many boring conversations can a person endure in a lifetime? I try a couple of very gentle probes to start, and if the results are highly conventional, then I just follow suit until my husband takes over. He doesn't mind that stuff, and noone's feelings get hurt.

You are so me!

I've never been inside the social norms, but since I started studying Asperger's because of DS9, I realized that it's probably the reason for that. So I can't say how my kids are with social norms, either, having one with Asperger's and one that so far is just plain weird from being my kid.

Yes, I've often wished that one could simply show competence at the required skills in order to get a job -- I know that I would be good at whatever the job might be, but then it's necessary to jump through all the hoops to get it.

-

LOL that's so me!

I know this is tangential but...

I disagree with this analogy. I think of the work for yourself/work for someone else in terms of risk. You work for yourself, you bear the true, real risk that the product won't sell or you had negative cash flow this month. You work for someone else, and they carry the risk. (and that is why you have to jump through the hoops; they want to make sure you can do the job and that they want to work with you long-term because this will reduce their risk). The payoff for working for someone else is a set salary, but also the ability (if you're well employed) to do the thing that you enjoy and are good at (and not the things you aren't good at) at with relatively low risk.