Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion One of these kids is not like the other- Updated

where to start?
new here and was so hoping to find some answers, but I still don't see any kids "like mine"...I'm seeing accomodations and accelerations being made, tests being given and your educators taking them seriously. I'm seeing people say their kids complain of boredom and are asking, begging for more or different kinds of work, homework, classwork, other ways to learn and process information. My kid is not that kid She only wants to read and maybe have art or do whatever else on the computer.

DD8, 3rd grade at a K-12 magnet (max enrollment 500). Has been there since K. We were told that this much smaller environment would be able to offer each child what they needed (differentiation I guess you call it), we were attracted to the K-12 aspect, that she could stay at one place, and with only about 20 or so seniors, EVERYONE gets into SOME kind of college. She is mostly quiet, though social with peers, has friends and is top cookie seller in her Girl Scout troop. She is respectful and obedient at home, to myself, though she pushes the boundaries with DH, but he allows that more.

I believe in my heart that this IS the right school for her, the environment that is but year after year, I feel like we have gotten no help or support, no real workable solutions from the teachers, except advising us to move her to one of the schools in our district with GATE tracking. I don't accept this solution for a variety of reasons, but mostly it's hard to justify moving her or giving her that more challenging work when she refuses to demonstrate (other than on standarzied tests) that she is capable of doing it.

She DOES NOT like school, except for the friends and if there is some kind of art. I have never EVER tried to extract even one more bit of anything resembling a test or schoolwork out of her, for fear I am "pushing her" or that she see being gifted as some kind of punishment that just results in higher academic expectations (which is not all kinds of giftedness) and more stress on her.

I'm ready to take on the school and make them give us what I feel she needs and if they flat out refuse or give me the run around any more, I will be FORCED to take her out, though I don't see homeschool as an option and worry it will wreck her socially to be without the few friends she has and enjoys. The teachers have repeatedly said they won't/can't give the accelerated work without her proving competency by completing the easier assignments and I'm torn because that hasn't worked for 3 years, but the test says she is capable of so much more and I also understand it from the teacher's pov.

I really need advice I think on what do you do when your gifted child "hides" their giftedness with poor performance/behavior? How do you get the teacher or school to look past that? I'm also stressed out at the idea of moving her to another school and that not working any better.

We are just starting to "jump through hoops" but so far, we have no "red flags" for learning "dis"abilities so I'm not getting much help or sympathy either. I was hoping I would come in and find a kid that sounded like mine, but everyone else's seem so much more compliant or willing to show that they have mastered something and moved on...

I can't quite tell from your post if you've had educational testing done for her -- IQ/achievement. If so, how did she score in processing and working memory?

we have only had the test given at school. They use the Raven here. I have another thread up about getting testing done. I have suspected giftedness since the beginning, she had a test when she was 2.5, but I don't know the name of it. It measured in deviations and she was/is 2 above normal.

If it were my child, I would have her tested -- IQ and achievement at least -- by a tester with expertise in gifted kids or even better a tester with expertise in 2e. You can ask here for recommendations.

These gifted kids are so complex, such puzzles to figure out. It sounds like you need more information. I would definitely get more information before I move schools.

I would add, to ask your DD, if you could learn anything you want, what would you like to learn about? What are you curious about? (the answers make take a while) Notice when she does have some answers/questions, does her eyes light up? What does she get really excited about?

If you do wind up pulling your DD out of school to homeschool, she may need a year to unwind and unlearn the bad habits of hoop-hopping at school.

Independently test so you can find out as much as you can -- so that you can make better decisions based on better information. Definitely, it must be a very patient tester who understands gifted *Girls* and the social/emotional needs of gifted girls.

I suppose, just an idea -- don't know if it will work for you, for several weekends in a row, calmly and gently discuss with your DD, let her know you want to hear her and won't judge her for it, but will be accepting of her answers, --- ask her why and what exactly about school she doesn't like? Let her give you examples. Write them down. Mention these things to your tester later. All specific issues.

Some parents have paid and have brought in the psyc-ed tester as a consultant to help talk to the teachers/administration (because they're the professionals). That is an idea -- depends on if you think that will help the situation at your school. This could be something to think about before the final leaving of the school.

best wishes, good luck, let us know how it is going
ps. we homeschool

update...I'm kind of depressed because I don't see us getting anyone tested for anything anytime soon

Today was the first of what I assume will be MANY more appointments...it was a LMFT (marriage and family psych). Mostly we got a lot of, "It doesn't sound like that" and "You are doing all the "right" things". Even she was a little puzzled why we came to her, but I guess at least now I have a DOCTOR saying my child is NOT depressed or anxious...She reccommended testing, but really??? it's like $2000???? I don't see that happening in a million jillion *google* years! ugh! Not to mention possibly testing the 2nd one for early entrance to K...

I DID get to chat with the school psychologist who I do like and don't feel adversarial with. She also says DDs teacher does seem very motivated to help her and work with her, but I'm still concerned about her not being challenged (because of being in the 2/3 split) AND when I asked about how the kids were sorted into the different classes, she did NOT say ability. So, of course that is super frustrating. The SP (school shrink) is also concerned about why we have slipped under the radar for so long, even with the high academic test results. She assures me that she will pull out ALL the stops, even getting the Behavior Modification team to come out and see DD (they usually only get to about the bottom 5-7% of kids, the ones with severe behavior AND academic issues).
What we DO have so far is a follow up with the PED next Friday, a list of psychs, etc covered by DH's additional EAP that I need to cross check and see if our regular health insurance will also cover and a promise from the SP that we won't have to wait a month to have a "team meeting" and discuss the behavior plan. Oh and confirmation that my kids DOES NOT seem to have a psychological issue like anxiety and probably NOT likely ADD/ADHD, Asperger's or anything else along those lines...
What I still DON'T have is answers and a clear plan of attack regarding her academics. I also don't feel like we have an advocate, that we have someone on our side that really understands and is willing to say "We will try anything to help your kid."

While you may not have the satisfaction of feeling like you've "fixed the situation" it sounds like you've made great progress.

Hang in there. Keep moving toward the goal.

If the school psych could do the testing, would you let her?

Yes, I would actually probably be MORE likely to let the school psych do it because I think the school itself would be more accepting of the results...

There's a lot of Steve Jobs quotes floating around, making me think more and more about finding a better place for her. I mean, do I want to risk her being the lower of the grades in a split again? And the school seems WAY resistant to moving kids once they are in a classroom, which I don't understand at all.

This is often true. Plus if the SP does the test, she will get to know your DD and that relationship could be the key to everything.

It's hard not having a definite plan. It's hard not knowing if making a change will improve things or be 'out of the frying pan into the fire.' That's the nature of these sorts of decisions.

I would be so encouraged by that chat, and strongly urge you to put in all in writing, in an email, just to start that paper trail.
(I think you already mentioned that in a different thread, but just to be sure)

Smiles,
Grinity

ok SST on the 20th and the SP is emailing a list of interventions she says they have been trying in the classroom.

I also did some other looking around...our "home school", the one she is supposed to go to has 2 3rds (one GATE cluster 98-99.8%) and a 3/4/5 Seminar (the other .2%) combo. Since this is her home school and she tested high cluster (not anywere NEAR their lower cutoff), they have to admit us, if I chose to go that route. Of course, this also might not be the best fit, but I can't handle another year of nothing and if we don't get somewhere by holiday break, I'm probably going to try our local school...they have a lot better info about their GATE and all the methods, etc that they use and they use all the words you want to see, vs how our school doesn't even talk about it and last year's teacher suggested we take her to a different school...