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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 683
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 683 |
I saw this NY times mag article and felt the need to share. Sometimes I worry that there is not enough "failure" in my kids' lives -- that things are too easy.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/magazine/what-if-the-secret-to-success-is-failure.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all%3Fsrc%3Dtp&smid=fb-share
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Joined: Jul 2011
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I think one key might be resilience in the face of failure. Not the experience of failure per se. From an "I Wish I Had Never Gone to Law School and am Now a Career Coach Blog": "In a nutshell, resiliency is having a flexible, optimistic attitude responding positively to ambiguity being proactive, rather than reactive, and adopting a mind set that is open to change, and exploration." https://leavinglaw.wordpress.com/20...each-you-about-your-legal-career-search/
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,691 Likes: 1
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I sometimes think that my kid needs more disappointment. That saying, you cannot know real joy unless you know real sadness, has similar vein.
Hard to do that for a child but it is like setting consequences, much more necessary now. I thought my daughter was turning 7 this month, now I am thinking she is turning 13. The behavior is not little girl anymore and peer pressure to push the rules or break them is really starting. This was down at the beach in NJ, not in NYC, so it wasn't a city thing.
I am trying to push that when something doesn't go her way, she has to do it again. Then she can give up.
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Linky. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/m...=1&sq=riverdale&st=cse&scp=1the students who persisted in college were not necessarily the ones who had excelled academically at KIPP; they were the ones with exceptional character strengths, like optimism and persistence and social intelligence. They were the ones who were able to recover from a bad grade and resolve to do better next time; to bounce back from a fight with their parents; to resist the urge to go out to the movies and stay home and study instead; to persuade professors to give them extra help after class. I keep thinking about my friend from HS who is now head of surgery at a major hospital. She probably had the worst personal situation and the hardest load through HS yet she is probably the "most successful" in our class in terms of where she is at. The class in front of us, the most successful is the #3 exec at a fortune 10 firm. He went through the honors AP program, but he also struggled in another area and was always coming up short because he lacked size. I remember him crying his senior year in the bathroom at a team dinner.
Last edited by Austin; 09/18/11 04:54 PM.
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Joined: Jul 2011
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I keep thinking about my friend from HS who is now head of surgery at a major hospital. She probably had the worst personal situation and the hardest load through HS yet she is probably the "most successful" in our class in terms of where she is at.
The class in front of us, the most successful is the #3 exec at a fortune 10 firm. He went through the honors AP program, but he also struggled in another area and was always coming up short because he lacked size. I remember him crying his senior year in the bathroom at a team dinner. How old are these people?
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,777
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I would think the secret to success as far as we can help our children out is if we communicate honest expectation and as long as we're there for them.
Quote:
Zest
Grit
Self-control
Socializing
Gratitude
Optimism�
Curiosity
I guess I'll put these on my grocery shopping list?
It's nice, and it's positive. It can't all apply to all successful people, right? There's people with zest and grit to spare that never got them anywhere much. I think the article said they were trying to find something more predictive of success than IQ. I think that a belief in the system, or a belief in the system of education, by the student creates the success they're trying to predict. Are they looking for a buy-in indicator? Or are they looking for what kind of community atmosphere they can create that will draw out more of a buy-in from each of the kids?
Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,777
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Joined: Jul 2010
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And this SENG article lists The privileged: a new at risk group. And yes, they suggest allowing personal struggle to build character and also recommend promoting realistic optimism. Here's a link to the SENG list: http://www.sengifted.org/articles_newsletter_archive/2010_seng_updates/text_72110.docx
Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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Joined: Oct 2008
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I came over here to post the article and was glad to see it had already been done!
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Joined: Jan 2010
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There was another interesting NY Times article- it was about a reporter who moved his kids to Russia for 4 years (they are American and spoke no Russian) and enrolled them in Russian public school.
It was called "My family's experiment in extreme schooling" by Clifford Levy.
He describes how these schools in Russia post each week the results of exams for each child and their ranking compared to their classmates. They felt this ultra-competition was good. It's a very interesting article.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 246
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Joined: Aug 2011
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JUST finished reading this article. Really amazing information. I have never seen anything written about the character of our children before. Not in this manner. Agree that we are way to afraid to let our kids fail. Makes me feel better about the fact that I DO tell my DS3 (almost 4) "You have to keep trying if you want that to work. Everything is not easy." I feel a bit mean doing that to him but like the article said; as an adult how many situations do you encounter each day where we have to try so very hard and still, we don't succeed more than half the time.
Highly recommended read!
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