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    Joined: Sep 2007
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    Val Offline
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    Originally Posted by JonLaw
    Once I realized that I had failed in my goal (a 3.5 or so my first year), my life was pretty much drained of meaning, so I withdrew into my mausoleum and waited patiently for my life to end and the pain of existence to cease. I kept making halfhearted efforts to function, but my life no longer had a mainspring to drive me.

    Maybe you need to re-examine your definition of success. In all honesty, I don't see a high GPA for its own sake as a particularly worthy goal or a real accomplishment, and certainly not something that you should allow to drain meaning out of your life. I studied very hard during my sophomore year and got a very high GPA. Then, after I'd had some sleep and time to distance myself from things a bit, I decided that it wasn't worth it. The lack of sleep and the emotional roller coaster were too much, and I realized that there was more to life than driving myself mad in pursuit of a high GPA for its own sake.

    Originally Posted by JonLaw
    When I hear of other's successes, it always feels like someone has punched me in the stomach, because it reminds me that my life ended a long time ago.

    If your kids are young, you can't be too old to change your life and do something that has meaning for you. Lots of people make changes in their 30s and beyond. But (and this is only my opinion), the only person you should be competing with is yourself. You will always encounter someone who is better than you at something. That's life. I tell my kids, "Even if you win a major marathon, you can be sure that there are kids in eastern Africa who will run faster than you, in bare feet, over rocks, in hundred-degree heat. So don't waste your energy worrying about others when you really need to focus on improving your own performance." There are times when competing is bad for you, and making yourself happy is one of those times.

    Originally Posted by JonLaw
    It's very hard to engage your family when you feel completely ruined and are devoid of any kind of purpose.

    What would give you purpose in life? Can you find a way to attain your goals? If a career change is difficult for financial reasons, can you start small and do something outside of work for a few hours a week that will make you feel good?

    Just wondering: you sound very unhappy. Do you need help from a therapist another neutral person you can talk to honestly?


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    Hi -

    Glad this thread has been helpful for you. Before I read your latest post I sent you a PM. It is still there if you care to read it.

    EW

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    Originally Posted by Val
    Maybe you need to re-examine your definition of success. In all honesty, I don't see a high GPA for its own sake as a particularly worthy goal or a real accomplishment, and certainly not something that you should allow to drain meaning out of your life.

    What would give you purpose in life? Can you find a way to attain your goals? If a career change is difficult for financial reasons, can you start small and do something outside of work for a few hours a week that will make you feel good?

    Just wondering: you sound very unhappy. Do you need help from a therapist another neutral person you can talk to honestly

    Oh, I had given up on the GPA thing a long time ago. I just didn't have anything to replace it with. Once I realized that I wasn't going to "win" college, I basically gave up on life.

    That's how I ended up in law school, since you get still get into a good law school with (relatively) poor grades. What's kind of amusing is that my grades went directly down as college progressed. My first semester was a 3.75, whereas I was actually getting Ds and Fs at the very end.

    I don't actually *have* any objectives or goals. In fact, I don't even know "who I am" so to speak nor do I have the faintest idea what I want to go do with myself. And, I'm permanently depressed and angry, although not nearly like I was during the time from about I was about 17 to 26. I never adjusted in any way to the college (or law school) environment.

    Actually being forced to be at a job or get fired provided some stability that was lacking when I basically did nothing for all those years.

    I'm not sure how therapy would help. I suspect that some sort of physical exercise would probably be more beneficial. That and figuring out how exactly you form adult friendships. I live in my wife's hometown, where I basically know no one.

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    JonLaw, just sent you a PM. Ignore the terrible subject title - I can rant on for hours in a post, but always get writer's block trying to capture in a single sentence the acres of (possibly/probably unnecessary) words I've written in a post smile


    "If children have interest, then education will follow" - Arthur C Clarke
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    "The person consciously reviews their existing belief system and tries to replace their lower, automatic views and reactions with carefully thought out, examined and chosen ideals. These "new" values will increasingly be reflected in the person's behaviour. Behaviour becomes less reactive, less automatic, and more deliberate and volitional as behavioural choices increasingly fall under the influence of the person's higher, chosen ideals."

    Oh Gee.. I wish this part would hurry up. I feel like I'm trying so hard, but I just keep reverting back to the wrong habits and behaviors. I don't mind being a work in progress, but really, there are just some things I would like to "stick" already.

    My latest failure is trying to eat right. I am successful for a week or so at a time, then fall off, then get back on, then fall off. I want to change my life. This is no diet.

    At least I am working on my sites more these days...

    I'm reading Living with Intensity, but it requires a lot of mental energy for me so I'm saving it for when I have some quiet time to myself to read it. I was so happy when I read about the different levels. I never knew someone else had attempted to put a name to this work in progress path.

    Last edited by islandofapples; 10/08/11 09:24 PM.
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    I was trying to type my own path, but it was just too long with too many detours, which is typical of myself. EVERYTHING is so interesting to me, I tend to go off on tangents. It's ALL related in my mind, lol!

    Here's what I have to say...
    1-it's never too late to change. If you are not happy with the situation, but certain things, like the age of your child, for instance, make those changes not possible at the moment, just start making your plan now. That will give you something to focus on when you are having those low moments.

    2-whether you work outside the home for money or volunteer, whether you stay home and don't work for any money (that is STILL plenty of work! lol!) or make some money (or even lots of it) working from home...you had the kid(s). They are here. We brought them here and we owe it to them to help them be the best people they can become. Sometimes that means putting some of our wants on the backburner for a while, but you should not have to give up your SELF.

    My friends are usually amazed at the number and variety of jobs I have held, especially for someone who wasn't allowed to hold a regular job during HS. When I had DD#1, I was a nurse and had gone back to school to continue that path. I enjoyed it alot, taking care of people and I often took the areas others didn't want, but all I could think about was my baby and how much I missed her. I never thought I would be like that, but there I was. I hadn't been a nurse long enough to consider it a "career" and I don't actually hold any paper degree. Dh and I made the decision together that I would stay home and try to carve something out for myself. I'm not rich, but I'm VERY happy with what I do.

    I struggled quite a bit when my girls were younger. DD8 was easier, more patient/easy going and since we decided I would stay home and try to make a career of my own path, I was able to spend a lot of time focusing on her and learning to anitcipate her needs, which made us both very relaxed. DD4.5 was (and continues to be) a highly engaging and attention needing child. She is the kind that you have to explain every step WHILE you are doing it and asks me questions like "Are you making dinner?" when I obviously AM, she just needs to confirm her knowledge I guess. She is still ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTING, 2 days of preschool (that we are already getting a special price on) is really hurting us financially, but I know it's what we both need. My husband travels OFTEN and sometimes for a month or more at a stretch, and since I work from home, sometimes I just need to be able to think! When she goes to school next fall, I will probably spend the whole day crying from happiness because I will be able to put MORE of myself into my business, even though I know I will have to eventually give it up or hire other people (which I don't look forward to).

    Right now, I also get EXTREME fulfillment by being a Girl Scout leader for my DD8. Maybe later, I will get a paid job at Council. Maybe not though. Maybe I don't know my real "potential". Maybe I'm JUST NOW discovering that I should be an advocate for girls or gifted kids.

    Or maybe not.

    I say "I am ONLY 38", I also have not decided what I want to do when I grow up. Who says you have to chose one thing? People reinvent themselves all the time and you can too! Personally, I'm probably going to live to be 100, so, I figure I have lots of time to try different things...I think author and stand up comic are next on my list wink


    I get excited when the library lets me know my books are ready for pickup...
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    I don't have time to think about it. My son is twice exceptional. His disabilities affect him physically and cause pain. My entire focus needs to be on helping him fulfill his potential so he can have a good life despite the pain.


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    oh, yes, this is a big issue in my life. I think it is part of the reason I focus so much (too much?)on making sure my DD5 and DD3 have many opportunities and much encouragement. I carry enormous regret and even guilt that I didn't live up to my potential. Sure, I did great in college, went to Harvard, have a graduate degree, etc. but I was suppose to be a superstar poet, and can paint, act, and had talent in math and science. That is a lot on one plate, and what did I do? Have two children late in life very close together and now have basically focused all my energy on their needs. I'm a stay at home mom and spend days in the park talking to other moms. I knew some moms years before they know where I went to school or that I have been published. I'm afraid they will start expecting too much of me now that my brain is
    mushy. I read my old poems and research papers and they are so ornate and pulsing with passion, and now I make grocery lists. I am taking a class, but find it hard to concentrate, whereas before children, school was so easy for me. My professor does like my writing and ideas, but I know that my thinking is clouded. I love my children deeply, but wonder if I will ever find myself again and become half of what people expected of me when I was young, cocky, full of answers, showy and quick. Now I am much more modest, slower, unsure, and putting my eggs in the baskets of my little girls who are so beautiful, smart, sweet, creative, and talented. I suppose it is a little sad that I don't see those things in myself anymore... As depressing as that all sounds, I still look ahead and hope to get back to my writing and learning, and also, embrace the mother in me who is such a bigger, better person than the person I was before children.

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    i know I'm not and i am okay with that. I am happy and I am being stretched. Sure I could have been "more" in terms of how society views me.

    But being a mom to 3 exceptional boys and running my own little business makes me happy and keeps me very busy.

    So potential or not, I know who I am and I am happy with where I am. For now wink


    Mom to 3 gorgeous boys: Aiden (8), Nathan (7) and Dylan (4)
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    Originally Posted by Madoosa
    i know I'm not and i am okay with that. I am happy and I am being stretched. Sure I could have been "more" in terms of how society views me.

    But being a mom to 3 exceptional boys and running my own little business makes me happy and keeps me very busy.

    So potential or not, I know who I am and I am happy with where I am. For now wink

    Yeah, what she said! Except for the 3 boys...I've got two girls wink And all those Girl Scouts. The potential to help all those girls become their true selves really touches me!


    I get excited when the library lets me know my books are ready for pickup...
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