Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Child Spacing

Ours will be a 3-year gap.

Not sure if it is ideal or not, but DS2.5 is getting a lot easier to care for now than when he was an infant. A book/puzzle/maze will occupy him for an hour. His ability to reason has made a world of difference, IMO.

Mine are 21 months apart. It's a little closer together than we would have liked, but not by much. (Conceiving the second was a lot easier than conceiving the first, and I'm told that is common. In fact, it couldn't have been any easier.)

The down side is that a 21 month old is still pretty needy. Trying to be a good parent to a young toddler and an infant is extremely demanding. When people ask me about the demands of having a second child, I usually respond like this:

How much time do you spend taking care of your first child?
How much spare time do you have?

Everyone seems to realize that taking care of a child requires more time than they have to spare. That means that things will get cut out of your schedule. For instance, I haven't shaved in a week. I have a bunch of laundry piled up waiting to be put away, etc.

Luckily, my daughter (the introverted elder child) has always been good at playing by herself, and likes to help care for her little brother. She "helps" give him baths for instance. I still try to make as much Daddy-Daughter time as I can, but it's not as much as it used to be.

I don't have research on this topic, but it seems to me that children closer in age are more likely to form closer bonds. They can play together because they actually like the same things. When one child is too much older than the other, then they play with their younger sibling the way we play with our kids. At that point it's more about spending time with your loved one than participating in an activity that's actually fun for you. Thus, there's a level of excitement that's missing because there are few things that both children will agree are totally awesome.

It seems to me that once the mother and her womb have recovered, if you're willing to put yourself through the difficulty, then go for it. If you want it to be a bit easier, then time it so that the first one is out of diapers before the second one arrives.

mine two are 25 months apart. I had BIG babies (10lbs 7oz and 10lbs 5oz) and I am little so it was hard but I think a wider spacing for these 2 particular children may have been easier. DS10's PG-ness makes it a wider gap, I wish they were playmates but they really aren't most of the time. I didn't imagine so much would be involved with their educations so with more time to focus on one before the other I think it would be easier. There are definite good things about them being close in age too but I just often feel like I am juggling them, holding one at arm's length while I help the other, etc.

Mr W and the Womb Raider are both extroverts. Mr W more so. He is almost 3 years older than she is but they have bonded really well and their faces light up when they see each other. She spends hours crawling after him and he will entertain her for hours, too. It helps that she is a lot calmer and less sensitive than he is so he can be a little rough with her and she just laughs at him. She is all in his business when he is playing with his toys.

This.

DD is now 8, and is going to be an only. Both of us wanted 2-3 kids pre-DD, but were pretty sure she was going to be an only by the time she was in preschool. (DD was the easiest baby in the world, as long as you Never Put Her Down. She also has a cousin who is much higher-maintenance. We were really worried that DD would be the easy kid.)

Also, we all feel she would have been a great younger sibling, and a 6-year age gap would have been about perfect. But she actively disenjoys younger kids, has always been opposed to having a younger sibling, and plans to not have children when she's grown.

I haven't figured out how to do a cut and paste from a previous post yet. Yes to your first thought, this was completely true for me: "1.) I should just accept being a mommy, accept I get no free time and my house is a mess and make sure DD has all she needs from me and gets to BF until at least age 2 like I want her to. And I should accept I will be raising babies for 4-6 years continually."

Our two children are 2 y 2 mos apart, intentionally. Our oldest didn't sleep for a year, and we just wanted to get the second one's babyhood over and done with. We also hoped the close spacing would make them better playmates, which it has. Another benefit for us is that they'll be at the same school together for longer, making school coordination easier - provided the school continues to meet both of their needs.

They are now 4 and 6, both self-sufficient, and life is much easier. I can't imagine dealing with a baby's schedule right now in the midst of all of our big kid activities.

Even though we aren't tending to a baby/toddler every moment, there is still not enough time for everything I want to do. So I go through phases of focusing on different relationships (work, marriage, friends, personal, volunteer commitments, etc.) over the course of a year. I made peace with that a few years ago, and I appreciate each phase when I'm in it.

Mine are 19 months apart. If I could go back and put them 5 years apart, I totally would.

Laughing at all of these. We have a 2 year gap and a 3 year gap. It's hard to say which is better. So much depends on the individual personalities of the kids and how they interact with each other. I will say that DS is lucky that he was conceived before his sister was out of diapers. It was hard to go back after even just a few diaper-free months.

Just remember that you can plan and try to pick the perfect gap but your body doesn't always cooperate. I had a hard time conceiving my first kid but conceived kids #2&3 very easily. I have other friends who had the opposite experience.

between my 1st and 2nd was 18 years...talk about child spacing,lol

The 2nd and 3rd are almost 19mo apart and I like it alot. The two girls are like best friends, both are gifted and intense, the first 12 months after the youngest was born was the hardest as far as sleep goes. But as soon as they could start playing together (youngest was around 2 - 4 months)things were better during the day. Reason being is that all their attention was not always on me it's on each other.

From the time I brought the youngest one home the 19mo old wanted to help me with everything from getting the diaper for me to holding the bottle for the baby. Also in the mornings when both of them would have a bottle (when the younger one was able to hold it herself) the older one would go get hers then climb in the crib with the younger one and they'd have the bottles together, super cute.
Now that they are 6 & 8 I really see the benefits. They are close enough to take some of the same classes together like in art and music, they have alot of the same friends, there's none of the go away little sister stuff your too young.. I must also disclosed that if I wanted to have the 3rd child I had to do it quickly because of my age, I didn't have the choice to wait and space them 3 to 5 years. Fortunately it worked out to be a great decision for us.

**patting you on the back in understanding sympathy**

I'm an artist who works with media not safe around children. When our son was born, he took so much of my energy, that it was like a drain on my creative force. It has only been in the last year I've felt my strength come back and am starting to create again. I was severely depressed after the birth of DS and I believe much of it was caused by that part of my life being pushed off my plate.

We have decided DS is to be an only child and have taken medical steps to do our best to ensure that.

Whatever you decide is the best gap, probably is...for you and your family.