Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Do some gifted children hothouse themselves?

I would never say that you're failing to properly support your HG child even if you go so far as to let them sink or swim academically as long as you are providing a stable home, consistent parenting, and love.
I would teach My child in your scenario all about "the devil in the details" by seeing some of her projects through and pitching in and picking up the slack to make it work, visibly showing by example all the blanks she'll need to start filling in sooner or later. Just because I have too much time on my hands and I think that kind of stuff is fun.

The development of many of the things you've mentioned can be influenced by parents. We had a thread a while ago on hothousing social skills. We know some parents are pushing their children into sports, which requires practicing motor skills. Is hothousing as a term meant to describe only academic progress? If you spend a lot of time with your child creating opportunities for them to learn social skills, practice motor skills, develop creativity, etc... then are you hothousing?



Perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but you make it seem as though you never did anything academic with your child in early childhood. I don't see why everything shouldn't be taught in moderation, including academics. Would a couple of minutes a day playing Starfall be so detrimental to development in other areas that it should be avoided?

Part of why I started this thread is to consider other people's opinions on parenting and child development, as I'm certainly no expert, and I definitely want to be a good father. What I read here could very likely change the way I father my children.

Having said that, maybe I'm a hothouser, but maybe not in the traditional sense. I definitely make my children the focus of my life. I almost always put off doing chores until they go to sleep, specifically so that I can spend that time doing things that I think benefit them developmentally. We spend our time doing a wide variety of activities, as I also understand that there is much more to development than academics.

However, I have flashcards, and I've used them. I have a few leapfrog products too. I know how my daughter learned her letters... she learned them from Fridge Phonics in minutes a day, usually while I was making her breakfast. She thought it was fun and wanted to "earn" every letter we had (I only put up a few to begin with, so as not to be overwhelming. She earned a new letter by showing she knew the ones already on the fridge.)

On those same days we probably practiced going up and down the stairs a dozen times or more. I'm not sure why she wanted to do that, but it seemed developmentally appropriate to me, and safe enough under careful adult supervision. We probably played with play-doh, which I consider to be not just an artistic outlet, but a 3-d modeling tool. I'm sure we pretended to cook a dozen different dishes too, often grabbing imaginary ingredients out of thin air. We walked around the block, and discussed everything we saw. We sang countless songs and read countless books, including her long-time favorite: a picture book dictionary. (A very annoying book for a parent to read repeatedly, IMO) On trips to the park, I encourage my introverted daughter to initiate playing with other children, and sometimes she does. When she doesn't, I let her know that's OK too.

Other parents have mentioned her extensive vocabulary, and I wonder if they would consider all that time reading the dictionary to be hothousing. I know that I read her fewer books than she would have liked, and often steered her away from that particular one (for my own sanity). Still, maybe I am a hothouser. I try to make every second of her day as enriching as I can, but in many different areas, of which academics is only a small part. She's the one who forced herself into the writing class at daycare at the age of 26 months, but I didn't veto that decision. I even help her practice. I can't imagine she came up with the proper writing grip on her own. I suspect she had to be taught, and I'm ok with that.

I don't think it is your responsibility to see her projects through. If she asks for specific and reasonable help that you could provide such as a ride to the store or participation in a class, certainly that is reasonable to provide. I do not believe parents have the obligation to make their kid's schemes work or to prevent them from failing (or not succeeding by adult terms).

You said she doesn't respond well to correction or your input, so I would simply stop offering it. While it may look from an adult perspective like she's "failing" if her ideas don't carry to fruition, that may well be a normal and reasonable part of her learning process. We came up with a lot of child led schemes when I was a kid and it would never have occurred to us to make adults responsible for them nor we were really upset when they didn't set the world on fire. It was about the process not the product.

I'm not saying all parents must avoid stuff like Starfall, but that I didn't at all see what positive purpose this would serve in our family. I don't think we should take it as a given that every gifted kid needs toddler or preschool academic instruction. I personally don't think the pacing or stimulation of computer technology is healthy for the development of young minds. I question what it does to attention span and I don't assume that whatever method is being used to teach necessarily makes learning easier for all children.

For what it is worth, I suspect my child read earlier and progressed more rapidly because he didn't have instruction. Not to say that's how it would work with every child but that kids think in different ways and I don't buy that standardized teaching methods work best. There isn't one standardized linear way all kids will learn to read.



Every kid should be so lucky to have a dad who is thoughtful and devoted! For me a lot depends on the age of the child. Of course kids sometimes kids deserve our undivided attention, but I also think that it is good for children to be involved in the chores of the family and they don't always have to be the center of attention. It is okay and healthy for them to learn that sometimes dinner needs to get cooked and sometimes a parent needs time to pursue their own interests. It is positive role modeling to show kids you have passions and interests. Also, kids benefit a lot from working alongside parents and feel good when they make a contribution to the family. Sure, lots of playdough and reading time is great too!


That reminds me of an interesting essay by John Holt. Even if you disagree with it, you might find it good food for thought.

http://www.cyc-net.org/cyc-online/cycol-1003-holt.html

interesting article. I've often thought teachers can get too hung up on the "right" way to hold the pencil. I figure kids learn by watching us and trying things. At some point the teacher helps and I've heard of "battles" over the proper grip.

Apparently, my mom was in trouble because I learned cursive by watching her before I went to kinder. The teacher was upset that my mom had "taught" me. Last year I broke my right shoulder and learned to fill in many insurance forms with my left hand, most were legible after some experimenting.....I was proud

I'm assuming there's actually a variety of acceptable ways to hold a pencil. I hold mine differently from the way my wife holds hers. But if you hold it in your fist, then it seems you have to move your whole hand to write, which doesn't seem conducive to legible penmanship to me. I believe that most two year old children hold pencils in their fists, while my DD is holding hers exactly how my wife holds hers, although my wife is not the one who taught her. I assume she learned not to use her fist at daycare, but perhaps there is a genetic predisposition at work, that resulted in the specific variation chosen. Having seen what my wife can do with a pen, there is no way I would consider asking my daughter to adjust her grip away from what she's doing.

Pru, I have a kid who is just like that, too. It's been a tricky balance to find. I actually promised her that we could do a staged reading of one of her plays with friends, and we talked about that for a good long while. Yet when I planned a party where she could do this and asked her about it, she no longer wanted to....I guess the impulse had faded, which of course is fine. Recently she has been given access to my old digital camera (it's broken-ish, but still usable) and that has been a really awesome outlet for her creativity--especially the video function. We also have been lucky enough to participate in an art show for kids and she has entered (and been selected as a winner) in some art contests. If your DD wants to sell something, you can easily set up an etsy store at virtually no cost. I did this for DD at her pleading. The weird thing was that that a stranger actually bought her art and then became slightly stalkerish, sending money beyond the cost and asking to "commission" pieces. So I let the shop go dark. I doubt that experience would be common, though.

Re pencil grip, my 3yo has had a perfect grip since he was two and was never taught it. He may have been watching his sister, but his grip is actually more correct than hers! He really startled his ped at his 2yo visit with this.

I guess the question is assuming no disabilities or special needs, would most kids evolve their grip over time to something that works for them. Lots of kids start climbing stairs two at a time and when they are ready they alternate feet. Is the fist first method for a two year old something similar?

My 11m old holds a pen like a wand and scribbles with the tip once in a while. My almost 4 birthday boy does the teacher approved make a gun, squeeze the pencil. Hold it closer to the tip, it's easier to make a dark line with less pressure that way.
PTP, so did we. But if I got involved in my kids projects it's because I barely remember that I'm their mom not their sister most of the time. Just kidding. Sort of. Maybe because I was an oldest sister I'm just more bossy than some mothers. Has anyone done an academic study on birth order and subsequent parenting styles? I always organized the kids on the playground, etc...

Thanks, those are some good ideas. I didn't know Etsy was so simple. Cameras are great fun. I find her taking photo shoots of her toys here and there. She and her friend took DW's phone the other day and filmed a 30-minute video which I haven't watched yet, something to do with a cooking show and interviewing their American Girl dolls. She also made a board game a few weeks ago called MathZilla that I thought was really creative, though a little light on rules. Still, it would be nice if these kids had some sort of community where they could post and share these things sort of like kidzbop.com does for music videos and then have others comment and share creations. Minus the stalkers of course!