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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3 |
I have three highly gifted children who are all quite different. All my children attended an Independent K-8 gifted elementary school when we found out our public elementary school system was unable to service their needs. Our oldest will be a senior at our local public high school and is absolutely thriving. Our middle son was a Freshman last year at the same public high school. He appeared to be thriving the first semester but ended up having a complete breakdown in the middle of the second semester. I feel this was due to his extreme perfectionism and he absolutely, completely, shut down. This was in February. He was unable able regroup and finish out the semester. I'm uncertain whether he will be able to rejoin his class at the public school for more reasons than I can list in my first post. He is basically "stuck" emotionally. Does anyone know of any Boarding schools that cater to children who are gifted...with perfectionistic tendencies with no behavioral problems or chemical dependency issues? It seems that all the schools I find are either "academic pressure cookers" or schools that service children with extreme behavior, chemical dependency issues.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 286
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 286 |
Is there a particular reason you are looking for a boarding school? My brother and I (both gifted)went to a unique boarding school that was a really wonderful experience. It was not billed as a school for gifted but looking back, I am pretty certain most of the students there are/were. I really wish I had sent my daughter there when things started falling apart for her in public school. It isn't for everyone, but it is a real adventure and could be a lifesaver for a gifted kid who isn't thriving in the public school system. Google "A S Neill's Summerhill". Not only is it an opportunity for a couple years of freedom, independence and serious personal growth, it is an opportunity to make life long friends from other countries, and if you are inclined to go to a competitive college down the road, it can certainly give you a unique edge.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207 |
Oh Jennlarra, My heart goes out to you! What a sad story. Good for you for taking steps to make it into a happy story. There are many boarding schools available - I would suggest that you consider hiring a consultant who specializes in helping kids find good fit boarding schools. I can recommend Heidi Molbak Educational Consulting LLC;Phone: (Send me a PM if you want her email.) She works with families all over the US and understands gifted and unusually gifted kids. Here is an article she wrote: On Being "Too Much" to the Right of the Curve
By Former SENG Director Heidi Molbak
Each month a different member of the SENG team describes a personal passion in the realm of social and emotional needs of the gifted.
When I took my first statistics class, I thought about the bell curve in a new way; I was saddened but comforted. There on the page of my textbook was a pictorial representation of the struggle and isolation of giftedness. I saw IQ scores above 130 off to the right, scores of 145 even further to the right, and over 160 so far "out there" that the term "outlier" seemed an understatement. The percentage of the population that scored over there on the far right was so small, and the percentage of the population to the left of 130 seemed huge and daunting.
No wonder. No wonder the need for connection with others can be hard to meet among gifted people. No wonder many gifted children cannot find friends in high school who share their passion for medieval history, black holes, and writing. No wonder it's so hard to find other third graders who feel overwhelmed with emotion when they see a painting, hear a piece of music, or discover Fibonacci numbers.
But we are comforted at the same time because the bell curve on the textbook page showed us why gifted people struggle to find understanding with so many people. There are fewer people who experience life from the same lens as a gifted person. Humans crave the feeling that comes with knowing someone else "gets" them. We all want that friend who finds our jokes funny and clever, shares our same level of concern about global warming, and has the same level of intensity that we do.
Often gifted individuals are "too much" for the people who surround them in their daily lives. And they know this because they are told as much on a frequent basis. Their thoughts, feelings, and ideas do contribute significantly to humankind. It's just that humankind doesn't always let them know how much they are appreciated.
You can love someone in your life whose intensities are strong by showing them through words that you accept them just the way they are.
You're not too much for me, honey. You're just right!
Learning to manage your intense feelings, thoughts, and ideas is a big job. It takes a lot of work and a lot of loving yourself. I'm there alongside you as you go on this journey.
There may be fewer children who enjoy the same things you do, but we can find kindred spirits together through hobbies, online interest groups, and mentors.
The thrill that comes with intense learning and excitability is a rush to be enjoyed!
Finding people who get you and who don't find you "too much" is challenging when the pool of people is smaller over on the right of the bell curve. Give the gift of love and acceptance to the gifted people in your life. It will last longer than roses and taste sweeter than chocolate.
Heidi Molbak served on the SENG Board of Directors for two years (2008 - 2009). She has carefully guided her sons through the gifted "obstacle course" to meet their social and emotional needs in addition to intellectual and artistic appetites. Heidi has supported her children through twelve schools in five states and two countries, and has even run her own small school from home. She has experience with many types of schools - public magnet, independent, public charter foreign-language immersion, one-room multi-age, boarding, and home schools. Heidi is completing a Masters in Counseling at Loyola University New Orleans in addition to working part-time as an educational consultant helping families to find good boarding school matches for their children.
Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 553
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 553 |
Didn't the Davidson Institute start a program this year for high schoolers to board with local families? That may or may not be the right fit, but you don't get a better understanding of "gifted" than that, I think. 
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1
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New Member
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 1 |
My niece is also a gifted perfectionist and my sister thinks that boarding school would be the best option for her. She feels that it will allow her to grow and spread her wings independently which is very important for gifted children. She hasn't decided where to send her yet but she is looking into the milo academy. We are doing as much research as possible before she makes her decision. Any advice? Thanks!
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3 |
Dear coltleader,
I'm starting to lean away for Boarding Schools right now. This is due to the fact that most of the professionals I have spoken with (regarding my son specifically) feel he really needs to be living at home and going to day school vs boarding. He also really does not want to go away to school. I guess we will see how it goes. Good luck to your niece. How old is she/what grade is she going into?
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1 |
Dear jennlarra - reading your post was so incredibly similar to what we are going through with our son. He is currently in 11th grade in a public school and he is having a difficult time due to the stress he puts himself under. We are considering putting him in a private school and have been looking at some boarding schools - but we too cannot find a good fit for a gifted child with extreme perfectionist tendencies. We consulted a highly regarded education consultant and she was no help - and the fact that private day schools and boarding schools are approx $50k a year - which blows all of our savings we've been trying to accumulate for college for our kids. We are at a loss of what to do and are looking at home schooling, but we are not sure that is the right answer either. If you have come up with a good solution for your son, we would be interested in hearing more. Thank you.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,498
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Jennlarra, what a terrible experience for your DS and your family.
From my perspective, perfectionism so strong that it can cause a breakdown IS a serious behavior issue. I'd probably address it through cognitive-behavior therapy, which is used for phobias and other unhelpful thought patterns. They gradually retrain the patient to reframe thoughts in a good direction, and to tolerate situations that make them afraid.
DeeDee
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Joined: Nov 2011
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I'm sorry for going through this. I'm sure that it's difficult and I pray that you'll get through this. There are boys boarding school available and I'm sure, that will cater to your need. I don't think all are indicated only for the troubled and teens with chemical and behavioral problems. They are there to support and help the kids grow into successful individuals. They mostly consist of a small class and a lot of extracurricular activities to relieve the stress. Hopefully you'll find the school that is right for your son. Good luck.
Last edited by Roselyn; 07/04/12 06:27 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,691 Likes: 1
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,691 Likes: 1 |
I do not have direct knowledge, just friends whose children go to Andover. The father is HG and was picked out of a Harlem search 40 years ago and sent to Andover and then to Harvard. He sends his own children to Andover since his experience was so positive for his gifted nature.
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