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For my DD I started some years ago telling her that I was going to clean her room, and that she could watch, or she could let me do it on my own. I promised not to take out stuff I knew was important to her and to put everything I removed in the shed for a month. If there was anything she noticed was gone and really missed then I would fetch it back for her. This morphed over time to "If you miss something we can talk about it."

I think the first time she insisted on helping and it was awful for everyone. The next time she stayed away and she's learned that I won't take things she will notice are gone and miss. She's never once gotten anything back. And she's much more able to keep her own room tidy after I have culled and done a bit tidy for her.

I have often done this late in the year, particularly if I am wanting to cull toys too, and told her that after the month in the shed the toys that were removed will be going to charity for the children who don't have as much as she does. She seems to like that idea.

Thanks for all the additinoal ideas.

I have looked up some mindfulness meditation classes for this summer and might enroll myself and son in one.

Hey everyone!

I have been doing a lot of research and reading since I last posted, and figured I might as well update you on what I have learned and found in case someone else might be interested.

Somewhere -- not sure this site or elsewhere -- someone recommended this book: Homework Made Simple by Add Dolin. I got it from the library, read it through, and even read parts of it aloud to my son. It was extremely useful.

the author has a website here: http://anndolin.com and also her tutoring company has a website -- the part I found particularly useful there was her list of products worth considering:

http://ectutoring.com/resources/products

Based on what I've been reading, I'd decided to work with my son to set up the following plan for next year; we'll start parts of it over the summer to havet he skills in place by September.

1) Create a daily schedule with 30 minute increments set off and really stick to it.

2) Include DHT (Dedicated Homework Time) each day 45 minutes including one weekend day of his choice. Son will receive rewards of screen time for starting DHT on time (one reminder), staying at the table for the full 45 minutes, and staying on task the whole time. If he doesn't have any homework, he can do a list of academic work (declutter binder; work on upcoming projects, study vocabulary words, study math facts, etc. Reading a book won't be an approved choice, because he tends to rush through his work in order to get to the latest novel he is involved with.)

3) For homework that just says "read the text book" pr "review the material" we will come up with specific tasks, because these tend to be areas my son just blows off because he thinks he knows the material (usually he does ... but he makes careless errors.) One idea is to have highlighter tape, and highlight the main ideas and supporting details of the science or ss test on the first read. Then later in the week, have the child remove the highlighter tape while reading just the main ideas and details again. Another idea is to make vocabulary cards, and read them over. If he is just sitting there for 45 minutes of mandatory DHT, I hope it will create a space where he will figure why not do this?

4) Son will receive screen time for properly filling out his school planner, bringing home all materials needed for HW, and for bringing home HW papers in the proper file folder (not crumpled at the bottom of his bookbag. Also screen time for properly filling HW away in the binder after DHT is done, and emptying backpack of garbage and lunch box each night. Lots oif little rewards -- whcih I am going to have to stay on top of, at least at first.

5) We will work out a schedule for after school that coordinates with his best friend, who is also having similar problems. The other mom and I are working together to see if we can find a schedule where the boys work with me for DHT each day while she care for my younger child and her younger child, at least to start.

5) Every Sunday evening, my son will do a "Clean Sweep" of his backpack and binder with a parent, or possibly with a nice neighborhood teen instead. Everything in the backpack gets removed, planner gets updated and reviewed for long term projects, etc. reward of screet time for completing "clean Sweep" with good effort. Also he will use this time to fill out his reading log which must be turned in monthly. Finally, he will pack a plastic bag in his backpack on Sunday evening with a request for him to go to school Monday and at some point during tha day, do a clean sweep of his desk-- just put EVERYTHING in the desk that isn't a book or desk supplies into the garbage bag and bring it home so we can go through the papers together and archive or toss (or send back to school to be turned in.) I'm not sure this part will work -- it is my own idea not Dolin's -- but I just can't go into school and help him clean his desk weekly and I don't think he'll remember to do it on his own yet. But the idea is for me gradually to withdraw the support and reminders and rewards, but have him still do these things on his own.

6) I'm intrigued by the use of a buzzing watch that you can set to go off with little text reminders (Write down HW!!) at certain times. We'll see if the above helps things and if not, I might invest in one of those.

This summer he has agreed to work on spelling and math skills (his areas of weekness) during DHT sessions we are setting up every morning (to earn his screen time). His friend might be coming by to do the same thing, so we'll see if this is a workable idea .... or not.

Anyhow, just thought I would share!

Sounds great! The hardest part (if your EFs are anything like mine),will be sticking to it and being consistent. That's great that you have a neighbor/friend going through the same thing, you have a built in support group.

Where can you get removable highlight tape and programmable buzzing message watches?

Thanks for sharing, some great ideas and info here!

Thanks Nik. Yes, you are exactly right -- sticking to this plan will be the challenge for me of course. Also working my younger child (who attends a different school with different start and stop times) and figuring out my own part time work schedule and all that will be a challenge.

The watch and other items I found links to on Dolin's website as suggested items she's found to be helpful. The watch is $60 though so I don't know if it's worth it.

http://watchminder.com/

I've read that people have been uswing this watch to help kids learn to focus their attention. You can set it to buzz every 5 minutes or so during some task, and the child is supposed to mark down on a sheet if she is attending the task when it buzzes or not.

Highlighter tape is here:

http://www.reallygoodstuff.com/search.do?query=highlighter+tape

Oh -- another strategy that Dolin suggests and I agree with is for children who tend to daydream or are inattentive when their work gets challenging. She suggests placing a mirror on the top of the desk or table. The student takes a break form working, looks up, and sees his face in them mirror and somehow that makes him realize he has lost focus and he gets back to work. I actually remember having a mirror over my desk in middle school and using it for exactly thatr purpose, years ago -- so i think I may try this as well.

Oh -- the other product I am interested in is the time timer:

http://timetimer.com/

which might help my son focus his attention better during that 45 minute of Dedicated Homework Time. He gets anxious when we use traditional timers, but perhaps this might help. Of course, I am so disorganized, I'll probably lose it!

Excellent article on Executive Function Disorder:

http://www.pediatricneurology.com/newpage11.htm

My son does not have symptoms of ADD or ADHD as far as I can tell, but the rest of the symptoms describe him absolutely perfectly.

HoneyBadger, thank you so much for posting this. I could have cried. I don't post here often and usually only come when things are bad. EF for my boys, who just finished 3rd grade, is a serious problem. For me, living with a DH and two boys who struggle with this is starting to make my head explode, and I am pretty sure it is much harder to be the boys, with the nagging and organizational failures, than it is to live with them.

I'm reading through the thread now, as best I can. Hopefully I can gain something before I am next interrupted. So, thanks. Much appreciated. I wish I had something constructive to offer. On our end, I'm just glad things are coming to a head after grade 3, and not later. I tried to address things pro-actively at school, but that was a miserable failure. The bright side is that now the school recognizes there is a big problem. We are on a waitlist for testing, and the school has approved counselling for one of them (prompted by him running away from school).

HoneyBadger - the last link you provided is pretty much exactly how a developmental paed I recently heard speak described inattentive ADHD (he was speaking particular in gifted kids so maybe it's different in other kids, I don't know he didn't say).

Listening to him speak I realised that both my eldest and my husband have inattentive ADHD and that my middle girl possibly does too, though milder and without the co-morbidities.

Can I suggest you ask yourself why you think your DS has all the issues on the list but not ADHD? If you throw out preconceived notions of what inattentive ADHD is (mostly mine came from poor media coverage and hear-say) and think of it as this list then is that a good fit for your son? It's a great fit for my son. In fact that article was a great discussion of my whole family.

I am not sure if reading that article was a trigger for me or not but after a really hellish fortnight I completely collapsed in a heap this morning. Holding my family together - getting out of the house in the morning, getting homework done, dealing with the constant noise, dealing with my eldest DD going straight to a rude, angry, mean, or accusing tone of voice... Being the only person that has any sense of time, has any sense of needing a plan, of needing to adjust the plan.... it's just utterly exhausting.

Things that have helped us are

1) strict elimination diet, we use this one:

http://www.sswahs.nsw.gov.au/rpa/allergy/resources/foodintol/handbook.cfm

2) an iPod touch for my 9yr old which has an app called Home Routines set up with everything she needs to do:

http://www.homeroutines.com/

The iPod touch has changed our lives. She's had it about a month and within a week was getting ready for school on time with all her chores done every day. She was self managing her home work and not playing until everything she had to do first was done. And we've packed it with educational games. And she loves having her own music to wake up to in the morning. And we can confiscate it for truly terrible behaviour (this has only happened once or twice and she still gets to use it for "work" but not for "play").

But it's still not enough, we need more help and I am at my wits end. She's being assessed in September. I need to get DH to agree to be assessed too. And probably my middle girl as well...

Maybe an iTouch with a wrist tether so my D wouldn't lose it Otherwise it would probably go the way of cell phones, planners, etc. in the past (well, if I knew what "way" that was, she wouldn't have lost so many, would she?). Seriously, any tips on how to keep them from losing it? I am sure that is what would happen.