Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Telling Family

Would those of you who have family that don't have much (or any) contact with your child share their reaction when you told them your child is gifted?

Did they believe you?

We don't tell everyone. We told my parents, who were not too surprised. And my brother-in-law, who is a high school teacher. He got it. We don't really tell people (even family) that we think aren't going to understand. I come talk to you guys instead.

Sometimes people figure it out... when your kids whip some adult at chess or trivia at an early age, it can be pretty obvious. And my kid's vocabulary has always been huge. But for us it is "need to know" information.

My whole family is-- we'd have to say something if he weren't. DS hasn't been formally diagnosed or anything though, so I guess there's no actual labeling to share.

With DH's family we never use the term gifted, we just tell DH's parents the milestones DS reaches (or back when, sent videos) because grandparents like to know that sort of thing, and everyone else hears from them. I imagine the conversation goes, "How old did you say he was?" Though before we had a child we got a lot of comments from DH's extended family on what smart children we'd have (we have doctorates in mathy fields from prestigious universities and went away for high school), so I imagine they don't need much telling.

I dunno, I guess I don't think the label is so important. What's important is what the kid does with it, or the special needs that come from it. In your case, you don't have to say your child is gifted, just have to mention the child is reading. Let the relatives connect the dots. Or don't say anything at all. "Need to know" is a good way to put it.

In our extended family it would be regarded as rude to mention it; the term "gifted" would seem overly precious to them, and it would also seem like bragging vis a vis cousins who are achieving at a more typical rate.

They have all noticed he's smart; why would they need to know more than what they've already observed?

DeeDee

I think it feels good to have an understanding of our children by others and that might compell you to tell them DC is gifted. I've been one to say too much and I'm learning less is better.

I asked because when I shared a website that gave descriptions of children's accomplishments at various ages who later were identified as gifted, I received in reply from my dad: "He's that way because he has a mom who works with him."

I suppose allowing my son to play with toys two years beyond what his age at the time was and reading to him the recommended twenty minutes a day and only playing "educational" DVD's and letting him watch Sesame Street would qualify as "working with him".

I suppose that could account for why he could count past 70 with few mistakes at two years old, since he did ask for "his numbers" at night to fall asleep by, instead of nursery songs.

But is it likely the reason?

How does "working with him" account for his getting upset if his books aren't perfectly sitting straight in his bookcase, or being hypersensitive to sound?

Apparently, I'm confused by the description of "how to tell" that I've read online.

I must just have a high-energy bright boy, then.

Difficult - it sounds like you were looking for something different from your dad than what you got...what were you hoping for? How was Dad with recognizing your strengths when you were young? Is he proud of you for 'working with' your son? Is he afraid you'll make a sissy of his grandson?

If you had asked me when DS was less than 6 years old why DS was 'different' I would have thought exactly what you wrote - that it was because I 'interacted' with him, and because he was an active, brigh boy. I didn't know anything unusual was going on until his behavior at school crashed and burned. And BTW, I don't think that giftedness is an excuse for bad school behavior, and i dont' think that bad school behavior is a nescessity for extreame giftedness. But my son did have an 'intense' personality, and a poor fit classroom, and 2E issues, and roll it all together and watch the fireworks!

It's a marathon, not a sprint, trying to be understood by family memebers.

Smiles,
Grinity

My 11yo twins are hg+, and we share very little with my family, who live in a different city from us. They can see that both kids are smart and we do talk about the kids current activities, but they have no idea of the test scores, etc. I don't want my kids to define themselves by those measures, and their relationships with family are part of that. When we get together with family several times a year, we do outdoor activities, watch movies, share favorite humorous youtube videos, and other fun stuff. Academic performance comes up only rarely.

However, academics may become more conspicuous next year as our kids transition to middle school. After 6 years *without* grade acceleration, and no gifted program at their school but lots of in-class differentiation, our kids will be grade accelerated in math by three years at the middle school next year.... I am sure family will hear that our 6th graders are in Honors Algebra and recognize that that is unusual, but I am hoping we can inform them without it being a big deal.

I guess for us, giftedness is so universal among my side of the family (myself, all my siblings, my nieces), that the discussion of what level they are at (and, by implication, their level of giftedness) comes up frequently, particularly when it comes to math. My husband, who is also gifted but not raised in the same type of environment, rarely brings up details of giftedness about our kids with his family. We will comment on precocious stories or let them show off their reading, but don't really talk much about what that means. We certainly wouldn't hide it, though. Nobody on either side of the family would look askance at their achievements, nor would they respond as ametrine's dad apparently did...

My dad is highly intelligent (I don't know if he's gifted, or what his IQ is, but he is a lot like ds.) I suppose I was hoping for more information from him...maybe some sharing on his part about what he was like at ds' age.

Dad has always been "distant" and uninterested in my siblings and me. I don't know if he's proud of me or not.

It's likely I'm looking for parental approval by even sharing with him what his grandson is up to, since he never asks. I'm sufficiently self-aware to realize I had hoped we could "connect" over a grandson that I thought he would see himself in.