I do have the same doubts on Aspergers with my son as well, which is what prompted me to read your post. A lot of the things you both mention, fit my son's personality/behavior so well. I keep believing that the case is so mild on him, that doctors and psychologist are not able to detect it, but then again sometimes I feel it's just his personality.
I'm very skeptical about labels as well, good or bad. The approach I have taken with mine has been of "let's pretend he does has it... what can I do for him?" So I address his "issues" with occupational therapy for his sensory problems, consistent discipline, and will soon start social skills class, etc. I do find myself having to teach him social skills that normally come natural to other kids, one of those being practicing sentences or other ways of saying something since he tends to be pretty blunt as well.
A book that truly helped me with his discipline at home was "Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child." The author's point is very simple, consistent discipline without much expression and avoiding getting worked up and falling into the "arguing game." I barely have many arguments with him anymore even though he's still very stubborn, but he knows that his choices have consequences and that my anwers does not change. (for the most part) :-)
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http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Your-Strong-Willed-Child/dp/0761521364>
Hope this helps.
