Thank you for the responses. I appreciate all perspectives to consider as we make some complicated choices. I do see the next few years as our hurdle years, after which I suspect ds will be able to advocate for himself and have access to more resources if he needs them. The capability level doesn�t pose the problems. It is personality. My older son is bright, but could walk into any school setting and be fine (fine meaning being ok learning nothing at school and playing all day as well as not caring whether or not anyone around him shares his fund of knowledge).
Some answers; we have a 3 and an 8 yr old as well. MAP test was early fall, given before we allowed self teaching with EPGY and books. MAP and IQ were only given through the school to try to grade skip, an idea put in motion in the spring of K when problems got out of hand, but not completed until fall of 1st. My older, then 7, had to go through the whole process as well due to Iowa Accelleration Scale rules that one child cannot be skipped into the same grade as an older sib. Ds6 is young for grade already. As the year has progressed, the grade skip has seemed less and less of an answer so we have not requested it, though it is approved for both. I am not considering applying to DYS. I do not think we�re talking PG. I like the SAT suggestion. Thanks Grinity. If things haven�t normalized by 9 or 10 it will be a good option to see where to go academically.
Howler, I have no aversion to homeschooling! We were hsing before last year. We moved here a year and a half ago, so the decision to do school was for the sake of finding friends for the kids as well as for education.
There is the possibility that many of the issues that are problematic may mellow if ds is out of school. He is sensory seeking, overly sensitive to smells and sounds (perfect pitch with a strong sense of the quality of sound), very expressive and dramatic. Interestingly, this is not true for the classes he hates the most. No, he learns no academics at school. Of course we could cover academics expected and more in a couple of hours of hs. In practice, hs when they were younger involved lots of field trips, hikes, home experiments, etc. We had breathing techniques for ds when he was younger that helped when he spiraled. He is long past that. We recently had his first OT appt so I am hopeful that we will make progress. Anyway, full home school now would be a way of life, require lots of preparation on my part, mess up the house even more. All these don�t solve the shock collar effect that his outbursts have on me. He is loud in his joy, loud in his dismay, loud in his angst. Yes, we�re working on it. We�re working on it. Interesting that the loud part, 2 words, was pulled out so readily. Is this kind of loud one that needs little explanation?
The private school is definitely an interim solution. It goes through middle school. They would put him in the 6th grade group in the fall for math (assuming his scores and progress show it to be appropriate of course). His reading lags greatly behind his math, but actually it is baffling how he is where he is. He has MAP and DRA planned for the end of this year. The director of the private school has a 1st grader in 3rd grade math. I�m fairly sure she gets out of box thinkers. The move would create an unsafe, long drive for work. It would be a new start socially when we�re just, just starting to feel settled. There is *nothing* there and it adds an hour to the drive to the nearest big city. Ds LOVES the city. LOVES IT! I am concerned also about the �squeeky wheel� message this sends to my other kids, who also have needs and are also both quite capable kids. Oh yes. And there is the extraordinary piano teacher (and sublime concert pianist) we would have to drive 1.5 hrs to instead of 5 minutes.
I�m not making any friends at school. The principal has been completely supportive. Teachers mostly have positive comments on ds. I have leeway to put ds into any classes he has shown capability to do. Believe me, I know how good we have it. But I am *that* mom. And I�m really not. The struggle may be that there is teacher perception of what it is to be ds� kind of thinker. My kids don�t come off as bright and feel no need to show what they know. Combine this with energetic boy. Ds is not the star student. Far from it. He doesn�t sit still or goes comatose, talks out of turn, seems to miss directions in class. I spoke to a teacher about how he doesn�t seem to know what he�s supposed to be doing or why. The feedback was that he could take his work to as high a level as he wanted. I guess he needs more direction and ideas? He has elective classes that he likes. His chess game has improved tremendously. I could send him to school for electives only, but that leaves me on the hook for teaching all of the academics. The two conversations I have had with teachers were so-so and left me feeling that at least for LA there would be no school options. I�m now hesitant to talk with the science/math teacher and am considering just putting him in (4th) and letting them come to me if/when there is a problem. The school program we do is already the best local option. I am grateful that we have it. I have asked EPGY to contact our state and see if they can be an option in the schools (with tutor). They have, to their credit, and I have my fingers crossed. It has only been 5-6 months of use in this household so I don�t know how effective it has been yet.
I�m adding a new category for the idea of having a full or half time private tutor or au pair. Can I ask if anyone here has tried pairing a nanny/tutor with 1-3 very active, somewhat out of box kids? Along with this is the idea of buying a large house and having activity rooms in which the kids can pursue interests. This grips my personal pathology. Must. Not. Unschool. We could afford either big house OR au pair. Not both.
A move to the city is out of the question due to job. Even if that weren�t the case, we do feel as a family that it is a true gift to have a small outdoorsy nest. The academics are not the most important thing.
I don�t feel like I am leaning in any one direction. Maybe it looks obvious to others? What am I missing?
Thanks again.
