After reading this article, it was astounding how blissfully ignorant I was. My parents were not remotely involved or interested in my education. My mom and dad had limited educations. We were not rich. I even dropped out of high school. I was a white kid from a farming lineage, yet easily convinced a Seven Sisters school for undergrad and then Harvard for graduate school to admit me.
I was one of those quirky, creative types who did not follow the beaten path, but my written applications, published creative writing, test scores, and over the top teacher recommendations opened doors. I did get straight A's in college, but it wasn't from compliance. I argued with professors, showed up late and didn't take notes, came up with offbeat theories etc. I guess I was a little bit of spice thrown into the often well behaved "perfect" students that sometimes surrounded me. Reading this, I am glad I avoided a whip-cracking mom, stress of admissions, hours of keeping neat notes, and rejection, but it would have been nice to have parents who were a tiny bit involved. They didn't even attend either graduation (long story there).
Yet, I worry that I might become the mom that expects her children to go to top schools and get top grades and will say or do things that a good mother shouldn't to compensate for my lack of doing anything that earthshattering with my "talent" and degrees. I am stay at home mom now. I feel enormous guilt and as though I didn't live up to expectations. My parents never expected anything of me, but I had more than one teacher say I was one of the most talented student they had encountered in thirty years or more of teaching (I never believed it or felt it and felt those statements were a burden) and they expected me to be famous for my creative writing or SOMETHING, yet I'm a stay at home mom whose energy is consumed with caring for two intense kids and all those accolades seem to belong to someone else. Truth is, I am trying to pass the torch on to my daughters, but trying not to give up on myself.
Sorry for turing this into therapy, not theory. It just hit close to home for me.
