Good Morning Exhausted,
My son is 14, 2E, with similar scores (Even the verbal/processing speed!) and bottlenecks and diagnosises. I guess the odds of us meeting are like a needle in the haystack - but there it is.
I hate that you have been treated so unprofessionally.
I wasn't willing to accept the ADHD diagnosis until after a gradeskip past 5th and 2 years to get past the worst of the enforced underachievement (which took tremendous maneuvering.)But it allowed him to be in classrooms which were at least at the 'edutainment' level, and I could finally see and believe my son when he said 'I want to pay attention, but I just can only make myself do it through the morning, after lunch I am toast - and it is interesting stuff so I want to so badly.)
Anyway, now that my son is on Stimulant Meds, he is still far from the model student, still not a bit complacent, still not a bit docile - to me it looks as if he feels more at home inside his skin. I tell myself that some of his anger must have been from having the 'gears' of his brain working at such vastly different speeds that they kept slipping with that awful screeching noise, and feelings to go along with it.
Also my son is externally competitive by nature, and it was hard on him to see kids who he knew didn't really understand what the teacher was saying still outperforming him on the daily tasks of school. I remember that feeling too actually ((red face)) - we can be a judgmental bunch, no?
Ah - you are new - did you know that the perfectionism the we ride ourselves with doesn't instantly turn off when we look out into the world? We call this 'outward directed perfectionism.' I tell my gifted friends that to live in this world we have to develop amphibian eyes that can see above and below the water at the same time, we need to see the world as it is - and celebrate every little victory, because given the actual state of the world, each little victory is a big deal, while at the same time being aware of our ideal world that can't help seeing how things 'should' be at every moment in every situation.
For the record, I still don't 'really' think my son has ADHD. I think he has some yet-unnamed condition that is only possible with super high IQ where the processing speed is so slow that stims are needed to get the gears rotating at the same-ish speed. Lucky us, it 'presents' like ADHD to people who don't get giftedness, and is helped by stimulant medication. Even I can recognize that I'm probably wrong (If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck....do is HAVE to be a duck?) but it does make me feel better, so I indulge myself that someday in the future, there will be a special variety of 'Grinity ADHD' that fits our boys.
I would encourage you to apply to DYS - they are good with 2E kids. I'm not really sure that there is such a thing as a 2E-friendly state....there is a good high school in LA....there is a school in Atlanta for 'bright' plus challenges students, which might be the 'least-worst' option is he likes lots of 'hands on learning.'
A gifted friendly state will work if you can get your son to 'present' like a gifted kid without the ADHD. When I go back over my son's elementary school years and ask myself "Knowing what I know now, could I have found a good fit environment for him?" and the answer is no. My son had to learn to type at 100 wpm before he could even consider doing the amount of work output that is expected of older kids. Weirdly - I'm totally pleased with how he has turned out: His work ethic, his interpersonal skills, his friendliness, his spark. Even though his early fit stunk. In a way I think what matters is that we keep that strong relationship and that they see us making serious effort to fix what needs to be fixed. Oh, and luck!
Is homeschooling an option? Starting your own school? I invite you to brainstorm your next possible steps with us. Getting a good 'mad' on has allowed me to overcome a lot of internal obstacles over the years.
Love and More love,
Grinity
