I try to be as honest with my daughter as I can be. There are many things I want her to learn and I don't want one lesson to contradict another.

So for example honesty is something I lead by example.

I also want her to learn people are different and it is ok to be yourself. For this reason, I encourage her to be different than I am.

For example, I am not afraid of insects, but I don't particularly like touching them. When my daughter showed an interest at the age of 3, I told her it was ok to pick them up. I also told her I did not like doing it myself. To this day, she is comfortable with some insects and not others and does not expect me to be the same.

At first, she did want me to pick up insects, but I have always refused. I wanted her to realize it is ok not to want to do something and not to let others pressure her into it.

As another example, at the grocery store, I will often tap her on the head and say someone else did it. Of course, the last time I fooled her was probably around the same time as the insect example.

Playing tricks on someone like this is a little bit like lying. There is a subtle difference and I feel this is not only fun, but a good way for children to learn how not to be fooled easily by others. It is also a good way to learn the difference between lying and tricks.

Just the other day, I was sitting at a table eating and I bumped her shoulder and shortly afterwards, she bumped me back. Another adult said you shouldn't fool around at the table, you can choke. What they didn't realize is I had taught her to not to fool around with food in her mouth or if someone else has food in their mouth. At the time I started this, I would ask her if she had food in her mouth and then bump her. She would do the same. Eventually, she would just look before doing it. This adult went as far as to say it is not ok to fool around at the table at any time, because a child might forget not to when eating. The last time I looked around, I see adults and children eating on the couch, while walking, in many places other than at the table.

I really think you have to give children the benefit of the doubt and assume they are intelligent people. There are cases where children do require somewhat simpler rules, but I find this to be more the exception than the rule.

Last edited by JamieH; 03/07/11 05:30 AM.