Scientists are increasingly finding that parents who survive serious traumatic events regarding their children-- which can include life-threatening illnesses, long term disabilities, and the like-- have post traumatic stress symptoms. This can be totally disabling. Even if the anxiety is all for the right reasons. And treating it can make things better for the child as well as the parent.
Yes, exactly. Also, the way the trauma is experienced is going to be affected by make up of the person and the life events they already had before that trauma. If you have a sensitive disposition, have anxiety in your family or if you experienced difficult childhood events, you may be more wired to experience these traumatic events on a physical level.
Lori it seems like you are misunderstanding anxiety and feeling it only requires treatment if the person has a stress free life. The reality is that there is an incredibly powerful connection between the mind and the body. When a person experiences difficult life events that can play out in a wide variety of physical ailments - autoimmune problems, headaches, high blood pressure, sleep problems, etc. Also, anxiety is a process once started in the mind and body doesn't just stop. If magically your son got a diagnosis tomorrow it wouldn't erase the entire life history the two of you have together. It won't erase your mistrust of other people. It won't make you feel secure that he can have independent experiences. You would still find things to be concerned about because that's how anxiety works.
While I in no way discount it is tough for your kid to have low muscle tone and wear a scoliosis brace, these are events that many experience without having the level of upset you are voicing. It seems clear that some stuff like taking a homeschooling class, getting medical tests, not reading cursive, are upsetting to you on a level that is out of proportion - which is of course very common for anxiety.
While no therapist can magically erase difficult life events they can help a person find coping mechanisms that work.
I worked with a therapist who works with many parents of kids with serious disabilities and families going through traumatic events (loss of a parent, life threatening cancers, etc.) The help I received helped me protect my health and be more constructive I approached the many stressors we are experiencing. Also, most importantly, it helped me find a way to keep these worries in perspective and spend more of the time I have with my family in a place of happiness.
Re: The Mystery Diagnosis mom. I would be mindful Lori that most likely you are NOT going to find answers. Most hypotonia doesn't have an explanation and if it hasn't been diagnosed by age 12 the chance of finding answers is even smaller. Personally I would still find testing worthwhile, but I would go into it aware of the limited likelihood of finding a specific diagnosis. It is unfortunate, but reality, that a lot of kids just have a lot of minor stuff wrong with them. The most productive approach is going to end up focusing on work, therapy, perseverance, positive attitude, and acceptance.
And, even if today they could give you an exact name for what he has that isn't going to change the reality that he's got a variety of mild disabilities that he will have to take responsibility for and deal with. It won't solve the fact that at 12 he's at the place where he is developmentally. It won't erase the difficult stuff he's experienced or give him better coping mechanisms for handling his pain. And, based on what you've posted I would be mindful that another diagnosis may feel like further discouragement to you and may cause you to further doubt his ability to try new things and be successful.
