Mich, many of us have the high maintenance child you are dealing with. This site has been so helpful, just for finding like-challenged parents of children with an intense drive to take in and learn.
FWIW, DD turned 4 this month and this is also the month I felt I could do housework for the first time without hiring a babysitter.
Basically, no one around you will understand, but you are in an all hands on deck situation with your child, whose ability to take in information is dependant, still, on your ability to facilitate him.
When DD was an infant, she cried non stop, unless she was asleep or taking in novel information, with my direct help, of course. We ended up cosleeping just so we could get some sleep. She didn't sleep through the night until well after her 2nd birthday, but she stopped napping around her 2nd birthday.
We did not do the cry it out method. DD would escalate to the point of vomiting in like 60 seconds. (I could see not wanting to go there with asthma.) I figured, This is the child I got, she needs calming, I'm the person for the job. She didn't have major tantrums in her twos and our ped said we were "lucky." I had to laugh, since we had already been doing major time with her, um, emotions.
I likened those times of caring for DD before she could speak English to having to care for a little old woman from Brazil who couldn't walk or talk or feed or toilet herself. I had to carry her everywhere and take care of her every need, without the benefit of a mutual language. Maybe everyone could look at a baby this way, but it really felt like DD understood the world as well as I did, like an old lady.
We had to use logic to explain every thing to DD, from birth. "No" without logical explanation never worked.
Anyway, I guess what I want to say is that things are physically intense for us moms of intense little learners, until age 36 months, then their gross and fine motor skills are such they can go and do more independently, with less supervision.
I was aware of 2e (twice exceptional) issues for gifties, but it's only now, at age 4, that I'm looking at DD with that lens.
DS 17 months (adopted) is a head banger. Not sure if he's GT. He was/is exceptionally early on all gross and fine motor skills, but language is still not there. He's behind. He's only now saying, "No" although he enunciates it perfectly, like an adult LOL. Let me know if you get any advice for head banging.
