Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advice from the Parented

Hello,

I'm writing this because I'm a bit shocked that this site exists and is so busy, and appalled at many of the things said here.

I took the WISC test as a kid and was given a GAI of 150. What this got me was many years of being told that I was not living up to my potential, visits with multiple child/adolescent psychiatrists, prescriptions for two different ADD/ADHD drugs, more tests, more people telling me I wasn't living up to my potential (you can't get a B+ when you're gifted), meetings with teachers, meetings with guidance counselors, meetings with the principal/vice principal, more tests, more admonishing, and a lingering animosity towards my parents and many teachers at my high school.

When I see parents comparing their kids' IQ scores and recommending programs for six year olds it makes me sick. "Gifted" kids need stimulation, they need to be allowed to use their knowledge and intellect, they need to be able to satisfy their curiosity. What they don't need is to be assigned a number and a set of expectations, and put through a program designed to optimize their potential.

Now, not every kid is the same. Some may love and benefit from gifted programs and other curricula. The one "gifted" program I went to was the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth, and I enjoyed every single minute of it. But there, instead of being treated like smart kids, we were treated like kids, while being taught at a high pace. I'd recommend it highly.

One more thing. Your kid is not better than anyone else. I've seen enough people equating intelligence with superiority (including my family) to know that intelligence, like money, doesn't get you class.

I hope I don't sound too bitter or angry. I'm at a great school now (Carnegie Mellon), have lots of friends, fulfilling hobbies, and a much better relationship with my parents now that I am out of the house. But I can't say that how I got here was particularly enjoyable (or necessary), and I hope other kids don't have to go through the same crap I did (although I know they do).

I don't doubt your intentions. You love your kids, and you want what's best for them. So did my parents. My advice? Don't force your kids to do anything they don't want to do. If they don't like playing the cello, don't send them to cello lessons. If they don't enjoy soccer, don't make them play. Let them read upstairs a while, or run around with a video camera, or build a potato cannon (don't let them point it at their siblings, though). Believe me, it'll be a lot more fulfilling than making a sixth grader study for the SATs.