grjeremy,

You will encounter many well-meaning people who will freely share with you their directions to the path they took, but never lose sight of your own path when you are pondering the stories of others. Even if no one else will listen to you carefully, you must always continue to listen to yourself very carefully, because where you will find your purpose is deep within you.

You stated in your plea for help the following: "At 10 years old I wanted to be a paleontologist and enthusiastically dragged my grand parents to UC Berkely to hear Jack Horner's theorems on endothermic and exothermic quadrupedal dinosaurs, though personally I found Robert Bakkers' theories more to my liking."

grjeremy, in revealing yourself in that statement, you stated very plainly what you must do. Were you listening to yourself when you wrote that? Were you listening very carefully?

What you now need more than anything is to have a personal conversation with Robert Bakker. Why? Because, when you gave yourself a public opportunity to describe your plight, the one and only person whom you identified as someone you admired was Robert Bakker. You mentioned Bakker in reference to yourself "at 10 years old," but the person in you that you are now trying to find again thirteen years later is that 10 year old boy who knew what he wanted to do.

Who is Robert Bakker today? And where can he be found? On April 7, 2008, the following was written:
http://scienceblogs.com/laelaps/2008/04/paleontological_profiles_rober.php
Dr. Robert Bakker is one of the most famous paleontologists working today, an iconoclastic figure who has played a leading role of rehabilitating our understanding of dinosaurs from the inception of the "Dinosaur Renaissance" through the present. He is currently the curator of paleontology for the Houston Museum of Natural Science and the Director of the Morrison Natural History Museum in Colorado, and has recently been involved in the study of the hadrosaur mummy "Leonardo." In 1986 he published the classic book The Dinosaur Heresies, fully bringing his revolutionized vision of dinosaurs to the public, and he has appeared in countless documentaries about prehistoric life. ...

And then there is this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_T._Bakker

grjeremy, if you are half as smart as you claim to be, the information I have just given you is more than enough for you to somehow get a face-to-face conversation with Robert Bakker. So do it! Believe in your own dreams. Find your mentor.

My Recommendation: For the opportunity to be in his presence and to know him, offer to work for Robert Bakker at minimum wage as a menial laborer who will happily do the worst grunt work that needs to be done. When you make that request, look your very best, be on your best behavior, and be humble. If Bakker hires you, be happy and enthusiastic during every moment that you are in his presence, and I mean � without fail � "Yes, sir! No, sir! Thank you, sir!" behavior with a smile on your face! If Bakker refuses your offer, then offer to work for free until you have proven yourself to be worthy of a minimum wage compensation.

Robert Bakker strikes me as a salt-of-the-earth person. He is world renowned and very accomplished, but he is not someone who is full of himself. He might say "Yes" to you grjeremy, but he might say "No," so prepare yourself for that. If Bakker says "No," then ask him for his advice. If he gives you the opportunity for a chat, pour out your heart to him � tell him everything. Why? Because Robert Bakker has this oddity about him: he is an Ecumenical Christian minister, and such people have it in them to genuinely care about others, even people like you.

grjeremy, in past times, in was common for brilliant young people to apprentice themselves to a master to learn a trade or a profession. For example, the great architect Frank Lloyd Wright had no formal schooling to speak of, and so he entered the architecture profession as an apprentice to Louis Sullivan. Read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Lloyd_Wright

grjeremy, you are in a very difficult situation. If you find happiness, it will be on your own path, not someone else's. In starting over, start again at that place in your mind when you last knew joy and purpose. Start by having a conversation with Robert Bakker.

God bless you.

Steven A. Sylwester