Hi grjeremy,
I had a somewhat similar, if not quite so extreme version of your childhood and a very similar approach to school. I dropped out of university as it seemed to just be an extension of the same old same old I'd been doing at school and it was just going to take too long and completely lacking in challenge (chose the wrong course in hindsight). I desperately wanted more. I went to work instead (whatever I could find) and while I was successful in my work, I hated every job I had. I found the work boring, even at a high level and because I hadn't found work in an area that was interesting to me, I found that the people I was surrounded by were inevitably people I didn't have much in common with. In hindsight, I was hoping something amazing was going to fall in my lap (I could very much relate to wren's comment about suffering from narcissism and entitlement!)
I am now in my 30s (again, the person wren speaks of - she is evidently a wise woman!) and have only recently realised that if I am going to achieve what I want to, it is going to take work, a certain amount of boredom (frankly life is always going to have a chunk of mundane stuff) and time. While, I don't agree that it's as simple as just choosing something and knuckling down, I do think it is as simple (or as hard) as getting a job - any job - so you have some cash and start getting some experience... and then doing some work with a good counsellor to help you work through where you're at.
As mentioned, I have really only felt confident in the path I want to follow this past year. It was certainly not for lack of trying that it took so long. I think I just needed to reach a point where I was comfortable with myself, my life outside my work and with the fact that what I want to achieve is going to take me at least 5 years and that that I just can't have it straight away. I certainly could not have reached this point without counselling (not a lot of it, but a bit to help me reframe my thinking). If you do choose that path, you will in all likelihood have to see a couple before you find one who you feel gets you - I put off going to counselling because of the few psychologists I'd seen in childhood who just really didn't get me - I thought no one would. I wish I hadn't though.
Now, I don't know what kind of access there is to mental health services in the States and if you're broke, your budget might not stretch to it. In which case there is a great book a psychologist recommended to me called 'Change Your Thinking' by Sarah Edelman (I am by no means someone who is a big self help book advocate - I think once you have some basic tools you can save yourself a whole lot of cash, but if you're not in a position to see a counsellor I found this a good start).
Finally, I really agree with adhoc re just getting some work - the field that I worked in the past is not related in any way to the work I want to do, but the skills I attained in my work are transferable anywhere. I took an approach much the same as adhoc, which as mentioned, isn't ideal, but can be used to your advantage while you get on with other bits of your life.
I wish you the best of luck. I know that these may seem like simplistic ideas to what I imagine feels like an overwhelming situation. But just getting started can be a great catalyst.
Take care.
**I did just want to add that when I say it wasn't a lot of counselling, it was some irregular sessions over a 12 month period and did involve a lot of turmoil at the time - you might decided you need none, or one session or 5 years of sessions - I guess I just wanted to say that there is no right way to go about trying to pull yourself out of this, and there are no quick fixes. Take care.
Last edited by Giftodd; 11/19/10 12:33 PM. Reason: added final point
