Hi INFJ,
So glad to hear that the 'up's are more than the 'downs' 25 days of the month. That is something to celebrate.
I can't think of anything you are missing - it seems like you've got it really well covered. It might be worth it to look at the various 'OverExcitabilities' and see which ones totally bug her out so you can manage the environment a bit and train her to self-manage a bit.
I wish you had earlier IQ scores to compare these to, just to get an idea if the Working Memory and Processing speed are being suppressed by the current depression and anxiety or she has always been just 'pokey slow' and 'don't multitask me' along with super unusually strong in Verbal.
I doesn't really suprise me could get through at the lower grades, particularly if she is going through lots of body changes with puberty strongly in 10th. Those changes really stress a kid. I'll give a try to unravel her Myers-Briggs based on what else you said, but I'm not expert, and welcome anyone to point out any errors I might make:
Ok, "J"s like to finsh and hand in their homework, which explains what you saw in the earlier years. She probably is still just as anxious to 'get it over with' but as the material gets to involve abstract thinking and shades of meaning, the "P"s have a natural advantage in that they are comfortable with the ambiguity of keeping the decision making process open. As she learns to deal with her anxiety, then the "J" will come back to helping her get the assignments handed in.
Since she is a "J" then her "F" is a stronger part of her make up than her "N" (Does that seem right?) however, since she is an "I" she will show the world her "N" and keep her "F" to herself. That might possibly show up as getting good grades to please the teacher when she was younger ("F") and not being at all moved emotionally by logical arguments ("F" instead of "T") This might be a bit of a jolt in the high school ages if the teachers are expecting the students to operate on a rather simplistic logical basis. "F"s might do ok with nuanced use of logic, but simplistic logic just isn't going to be convincing.
The world sees her "N" - big picture thinking, lack of sequential, detail orriented thinking ("N" rather than "S") which can be why the ADD innatentive fits. If a person sees the big picture, and doesn't tend to 'see' details,(Low working memeory) then they can space out and miss tons of school interactions but still be able to give the impression that they get the big picture ("N") essence of what the teacher is teaching. So an "N" kid can get into the habit at school of focusing in for a moment, getting the general idea, and then zoning back out without anyone realizing what they are doing. Or another way to look at it is that a "N" kid can have ADD inattentive and still do very well in school until the demands overtake her strenths.
But as a parent, remeber the hidden "F" is going to be her strongest motivator - If you can appeal to her sense of wanting the world to be 'fair to everyone' and link your agenda to her deepest self, you'll be more useful. What does she want to be when she grows up? Does she have a sense of her future role in the world? Maybe learning Math would be more palatable if she pictures herself as 'doing research to help other Math Haters who are forced to learn math to know the best way to learn it and get everyone off their backs?' I use that trick on myself sometimes when I am hitting road bumps on the learning road, and wishing it would just 'come easily and effortlessly' like other stuff does.
It makes sense that she is a voratious reader given her Verbal IQ scores. I guess my question is 'why start college next year' and in what sense starting college makes sense.
Based on what I'm hearing, I would suggest starting college by auditing college classes, particularly in areas of her strength and interst, and granting her High School credit on her homeschool transcript. She can continue Math at the high school level. I would look for a way she can be of service to others through using her gifts, say leading a book group for bright middle schoolers through the library or church. Self-care needs to be on the curriculum for every teen, I think, including sleep hygiene, healthy eating, regular excersize, outdoor time, the arts, and lately I would include deep breathing sessions, both to master anxiety and for the CO2 balancing benifits.
If she is willing to be led by you, then lead on. If she is channeling all of her will into fighting with the adults, that's a whole different story,and in a way a healthy sign, right? Either way, the self-care you take of yourself is a very powerful example and influence.
Please let us know how things go, ok?
Love and More Love,
Grinity
