but how does he know already that he is smarter than the average bear? He's been doing this since he was a toddler and we never really comment on how smart he is because I believe in minimal praise and always praise the effort rather than the ability.
Thanks for the link.
Another possibility... He is not comparing himself to other kids but instead comparing himself to the adults around him. That's exactly what our child was doing at that age. So, while he may have been five years advanced in a particular skill area he'd think he was way behind because he was comparing himself to adults. Obviously we never suggested he was bad at any of these things but as many perfections before him that was the conclusion he came away with.
So here's my idea grateful mom. Let's pretend your son has a message board where he could post his thoughts about this situation. What do you think he'd say? Would he describe himself in ways similar to what you describe ("stubborn", "manipulative", "avoiding a challenge")? How would he describe you and this situation?
I'm sure you are speaking nicely to him. But, is it possible that he's getting a different message? Like maybe he picks up on your worry and is getting the mistaken idea that he's behind on reading or that you will think he's making mistakes.
