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'Mellow Out' They Say. If I Only Could. Intensities and Sensitivities of the Young and Bright by Michael M. Piechowski, Ph.D http://www.mellowout.us/foreword.html
Anyway, as far as I can tell from introspection, at 13 I was more ready for mature friendships than many people ever get at any age. When my son was born, I suddenly realized why so many of my friends and boyfriends had felt smothered - I was even ready for that level of caring very very early. Sure, I've learned many many lessons since age 13, but the spirit of loving someone enough to want what is best for them more than you want what pleases you was in place by age 13.
I would say that I'm working hard so that my son, now 13, doesn't go down the road I went down. I've done this in 3 ways. 1) tried to make sure he is always in school situations where he gets to pour as much intensity as possible into academics. 2) tried to make sure that he has lots of opportunities to be around other gifted kids that he can potentially be friends with, so that he doesn't latch on to a romantic relationship as a 'one and only life raft.' CTY camp was helpful in this regard. 3) tried to encourage friendships with a wide variety of people and take his friendship completely seriously, using teachable moments to build a foundation for when he gets to 'romantic' friendships.
My observation is that lots of the skills and habits people use in romantic friendships are build up during childhood friendships. My son certainly has had childhood playmates who tried practically every maneuver that I remember observing from my dating days. Lets face it, lots of Middle School (and sadly beyond) dating has as much to do with trying on social power as it does with affection.
because it so matched my experience. During 4-6 grade I was shunned, but in 7th grade my body changed and suddenly many peers were tremendously interested in everything I had to say. I didn't really understand it at the time, but was quite relieved. No wonder I used being 'interested in boys' as a way to provide enrichment to my middle and high school years.
My bet is that your DD has relied on you to be 'more than a mom' for many years. When agemates are not developmentally able to be true friends, our kids turn to us to fill some of those needs. Take advantage of that now by staying close, praising every drop of maturity you see in her, and giving the best advice your 'mom-gut' can figure out. Don't be afraid to give advice that your neighbors would never give if it truly comes from your heart.
