A crucial thing to remember about teachers is that they almost always have a pretty sizeable chip on their shoulders. Simply put, they feel that they don't get any respect. Which is why there's such a strong passive-aggressive streak in so many of them.
After all, look at things from their point of view. They work long, hard hours for pitiful pay. Their obviously important work isn't valued. They're not taken seriously as professionals, either -- no teacher, however successful, has the social status of even the lowliest lawyer. And then, too, teachers are constantly being bullied and buffeted and badgered by people to whom they can't talk back. Truth to tell, most of them would chuck the whole thing in a minute, if it weren't for their devotion to the kids.
So is it really surprising, in light of all this, that teachers bristle -- indeed, even lash out -- when a parent tries to tell them their business? Is it really surprising that they react with a barely suppressed righteous indignation? Is it really surprising that their reactions become even more peremptory and hostile when the parent seems to know more than they do about the issues involved?
No, of course it isn't. In fact, it's more or less exactly what you should expect.
So the moral of the story is that parents of gifted children would do well always to keep in mind that the typical teacher has a very delicate ego. Yes, the typical teacher has never once seen any profoundly gifted children, and yes, the odds are long that she's ever even read anything about these exotic creatures. But that doesn't mean that she will react genially to parents, however well informed, who seek to lecture her on the subject.
Which is why, in dealing with a teacher from whom you seek a classroom accomodation for your child, extreme delicacy should be the order of the day. Show the utmost deference to the teacher, and above all, never press a point, however much you know yourself to be in the right.
In fact, you'll almost certainly get better results if you enlist a surrogate to make your argument. This can get expensive if you use the best sort of surrogate, who simultaneously knows teachers, subject matter, and profoundly gifted children extremely well. But books or articles by recognized ed/psych authorities may also be effective, and at any rate they're much more likely to influence a teacher positively than anything you can say yourself -- even if you're a world-class mathematician, and what you want for your kid is a different kind of exposure to math.
Oh, and what goes for teachers goes school administrators, too -- unfortunately. Why? That's another story, for another post.
